


Got a Kiss (Wit' Your Name On It)

by Eunmih



Series: Counting (Your) Stars [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-06-26 07:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 44,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15658152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eunmih/pseuds/Eunmih
Summary: Are we a constellation or an asterism?Sometimes, asterisms harbour constellations, too.---What happens in the party stays in the party, right? That's how it should've been.





	1. Blue Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while I devoured a bag of nachos so... excuse the mess.  
> I really wanted to write some Changkis so yeah, new slow burn fic because I can't write anything that isn't slow burn.  
> Rated T for now.

 

_I ν( **r** , θ, φ)_

 

Changkyun doesn’t make a habit of hitting up all his school’s night parties, but he knows there are a few things that happen almost every time he does. Whether they're funny, sad, embarrassing, or just downright irritating, he always ends up going through the same series of events during a night out. And, somehow, what follows is a norm now:

Minhyuk decides he wants to go to the party. It takes him about 10 seconds to convince Hyungwon, which should be a surprise except it isn’t because Hyungwon goes where his boyfriend goes—and Wonho goes to every frickin’ party, that social butterfly. Then, both Minhyuk and Hyungwon materialize themselves in Changkyun’s room and verbalize every single reason as to why Changkyun needs to join them.

After a while, Changkyun agrees. He is not a difficult person and he loves his friends. And Jooheon agrees to go, too, because he’s the administrator of their _Changkyun is not boring_ group chat and that alone says something about him. He is the best bro a bro could ask for.

Once everyone is on the same page, Jooheon questions the purpose of the party. Obviously, no one knows, not even Minhyuk. And that’s when Changkyun contemplates staying in after all. Needless to say the feeling doesn’t last because Minhyuk is so excited about it he ends up rubbing off on all of them.

Night comes and they’re all feeling indestructible. They wander off and then in comes Minhyuk and offers them drinks, saying “Try this! It’s sooooooo good.” And it is, it tastes good and it warms Changkyun’s stomach. He never knows where he is, and he never asks because he knows the others don’t know either. Usually, it’s someone’s house and there are always a few moments of regret before Changkyun gets used to the crowded, stuffy rooms and the lack of personal space.

Then, from across the room, Hyungwon spots Wonho. And like usual, Wonho smiles like the sun, leaving all of them staring in awe—mostly Hyungwon, really, though he won’t admit to it if confronted—and Wonho gets closer, effortlessly making his way through the crowd, because he _can_. And—

 

_[I ν( **r** , θ, φ)] = ergs s-1 cm-2 Hz-1 sterad-1_

 

And today is different.

Today, Wonho smiles and Hyungwon reacts like someone who just saw a person he thought was dead. Today, the norm is broken. Today, Wonho brought friends.

“Kihyun,” Hyungwon says curtly.

Kihyun, Changkyun guesses, is too busy glaring at whoever just bumped into him to address Hyungwon. He is—He is wearing black skinny jeans, a white T and a light denim jacket. His hair is purple. And, despite the frown, he is very, very, very beautiful, Changkyun thinks.

Maybe all Wonho’s friends are beautiful.

Wonho, who looks like a god in those leather pants and that black shirt. Wonho, who is friends with Shownu, the tanned god Minhyuk crushed on throughout the entire first semester. Shownu, who, coincidence or not, is also waving at them from behind Wonho.

“Oh,” Wonho glances between Hyungwon and Kihyun and then smiles, “you two know each other?”

“We’ve met,” Kihyun finally speaks. He grimaces a little and sends a pointy glare towards the crowd when someone random bumps into his shoulder, _again_. Then, he catches Changkyun staring and tils his chin up. “Who’re they?”

Changkyun quickly looks away, uncomfortably shifting his weight from one foot the other, noting how the music gets louder. God—why must he be this awkward?

“Right! Changkyun, Minhyuk, Jooheon and Hyungwon, my boyfriend.” Wonho introduces, throwing an arm around Hyungwon’s waist as he says his name. “And these guys are Kihyun and Shownu. But you already know Shownu.”

“Of course, we do!” Screams Minhyuk, probably a little too loud. And Changkyun notices by the corner of his eye how Jooheon flinches next to him and then looks away with that slight pout Changkyun knows so well.

Minhyuk says something about more drinks and everyone is following him to the isle in the middle of the living room. Changkyun grabs Jooheon by the wrist and squeezes, letting everyone walk ahead as they stay behind in the middle of the crowd now wildly dancing to Ariana Grande—How could she be Grande and so small at the same time? Changkyun will never know.

“You okay, bro?” He asks, eyes scanning Jooheon up and down.

“Yeah, bro. Don’t worry.”

“You know, you should tell him…”

Jooheon sighs, raising his voice when a new, louder, songs starts. “Tell him what?”

“If you don’t tell him, he will just find someone to spend the night with again and I will have to listen to your sad moans for a whole week. Not that I mind, I mean, I’m here for you, you know that. But… maybe you should just… tell him.”

Jooheon avoids Changkyun’s eyes and yanks his hand away. “I don’t know, bro. I don’t know.”

Changkyun smiles at him. “Come on, let’s get you that drink. You’ll need more the one no matter how things end tonight.”

“Yeah,” Jooheon laughs, a little way too sad for Changkyun’s taste.

Jooheon has liked Minhyuk for a long time but, unfortunately, even if somehow Changkyun thinks Minhyuk feels the same, neither of them seems to take the first step. It is painfully obvious, whenever they are together, how flirty Minhyuk is with Jooheon and how much Jooheon enjoys the attention. And Changkyun understands Jooheon’s fear, things are so nice the way they are, what if confessing changes everything? But, more than change, Changkyun hates seeing his friend this down.

When they reach the isle, Changkyun notices Kihyun had been eyeing the two of them the whole time. They lock eyes for a heartbeat before Kihyun is distracted by the drink Wonho shoves in his hands.

Drinks lead to more drinks. And slowly, even with the norm broken, Changkyun can almost guess what follows because some things never change, even if you add a new variable to the equation.

Hyungwon and Wonho wander off into the crowd to dance. Again, something Changkyun always thought he would never see Hyungwon do. Not until he met Wonho, anyway. Which is a shame because, maybe to impress Wonho, Hyungwon is actually a very good dancer whenever he lets himself go. Together, the two of them are the sexiest couple alive.

And because Minhyuk can’t let anyone outshine him for too long, he quickly joins the other two, dancing with the face of someone who is single and ready to mingle. Which, of course, leads to Jooheon feeling like shit again.

It isn’t a true night out if somehow, at some point, Changkyun doesn’t have to take it upon himself to give his friend a dramatic pep talk. Changkyun is not very good at expressing himself, but the alcohol helps his brain work faster and do a rather good job with words—shame his balance can’t be as steady.

Like all his previous attempts, however, Changkyun expects this one to fail just as badly. But tonight is not like the other nights. Tonight, there’s a new variable. A variable that smells like cologne when it leans on the isle right next to Changkyun.

Kihyun takes his plastic cup to his lips but doesn’t drink right away. He lingers for a while, eyes on the crowd, and then smiles a little. “You like him, do you?” He turns his face and eyes Changkyun for a second before looking at Jooheon who is already looking back wide eyed.

“How do you know?” Comes the mortified sound out of Jooheon’s mouth. “Is it that obvious?”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder. “A little. Joking. Hoseok told me.”

“Hoseok?”

“ _Ah_. Wonho.”

Changkyun drinks because his throat feels dry. Of course, Wonho knows. Hyungwon must have told him, the little shit. And Wonho is a flower, he keeps no secrets.

“You should talk to him,” says Kihyun. “Maybe he likes you back.”

“I talk to him every day,” Jooheon mumbles. “That’s the problem.”

“Is he single?”

“Yes.”

“Does he like someone?”

“He… he had a crush on Shownu before…”

Kihyun chokes on his drink. “Ugh, right. Well… right.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, then… just get over there and, I don’t know, seduce him or something.”

Jooheon goes all shades of red. “Sedu— _seduce?!_ ”

Changkyun snorts and hides a smirk behind his hand. “He can’t do that. He sucks at it when he tries.”

Kihyun looks at them and then at the crowd again. “Well, then just grow a pair and fucking kiss him.”

Jooheon stares wide eyed. Most likely even redder than before, except the lights keep changing and it’s impossible to tell now.

Changkyun considers the thought, lets it sink in, then shrugs and nods. “I agree. Go. Go kiss him.”

Jooheon gapes, “That’s it?! That’s your big plan?”

“No, it’s _your_ big plan.” Changkyun mocks and Kihyun laughs a little. “Come on, bro. Tonight is the night,” he pats Jooheon’s back and pushes him forward. “Go kiss a boy.”

It’s not just any boy. And Changkyun knows that. He also knows Jooheon is about to cry of frustration and embarrassment but, somehow, tonight, with a new variable on the line, instead of throwing a tantrum for being teased, Jooheon takes a deep breath and walks towards the dancing crowd, towards Minhyuk—who is somewhere in there, Changkyun can’t tell.

“Wow,” Changkyun leans away from the isle. “He actually went for it.” He looks at Kihyun. “Are you a wizard? What did you do to him?”

Kihyun shrugs and smiles. “I didn’t do shit.”

Changkyun nods and looks at the crowd. He’s feeling the brain freeze. There he is, at a party, not quite drunk yet but tipsy enough, with a beautiful boy next to him with whom he doesn’t know how to small talk.

They just stand there, quietly drinking, watching everyone else have fun. Sometimes, Changkyun swears he can spot Minhyuk’s blonde wig in the crowd. He realizes that, should Minhyuk and Jooheon become an item, they will totally be the bleached couple. _Noted down, for future burns._

He is in a contemplative state when he notices the world spin for the first time, tonight. He looks to his side but Kihyun is no longer there—of course, what did he expect?

Shownu is dancing just a few feet away.

Without a warning, Changkyun’s bladder screams at his brain: _pee, now. Not later, no. It has to be now._ And Changkyun groans as he slowly steps away from the isle and makes his way to the bathroom.

He misses the bathroom’s door three times. First, he goes into the kitchen, wondering why the hell he is there and quickly remembering that’s not where he wants to go. Then, he stumbles into a bedroom and regrets it right away, voice going loud in a sequence of _wow, wow, wow, wow_ , before he’s out of there, eyes squeezed shut. And then, he walks into the broom closet and has to clumsily dodge the furious attack three brooms and a mop launch at him.

Finally, he reaches the bathroom. There’s a girl sleeping in the bathtub. Changkyun frowns at her, then looks in the mirror. He frowns harder because—whoa, that’s not him, is it? He looks so drunk. Drunk? Drunk. It sounds funny and he laughs, quickly throwing a hand over his mouth. Somehow he looks paler with back hair and a few drinks on him. RIP his light brown hair.

Carefully, he walks towards the toilet and stares at it for a while. He throws a hand at the shower curtains and pulls at them, covering the bathtub and the girl so he can piss in peace. And oh—it was a glorious piss.

He’s back in the living room a few minutes later, making his way to the isle for more drinks when he bumps into a rather drunk and rather breathless Minhyuk.

“Hey, did you need the car for anything?” By asking, he is asking if Changkyun needs a ride anywhere. A ride in that stupid car of his (Minhyuk's) that breaks down more reliably than it starts.

All Changkyun needs is to get safely to the dorms. And with Hyungwon probably usurping the only other ride Changkyun has, then yes, he needs the car. “You have to take me home, idioooot.” He places a palm on Minhyuk’s chest to level himself, almost bringing them both down. “If you’re leaving, I’m leaving.”

“Kyunnie! I am not leaving! I just—I need—I left something in the car.”

“Yeah, right. Lemme guess… was it Jooheon?”

Minhyuk smiles wide. “What?”

Changkyun pretends to be clueless. “What?”

“Anyway, you don’t need the car right now, do you?”

“No, no… why would I. Go,” he waves Minhyuk away, “go make out with my best friend. Please return him safe and sound.”

Minhyuk smiles and leans in to leave a big kiss on Changkyun’s cheek. “Thank you,” he giggles and leaves.

Changkyun still turns around to shout, “No hickeys! Min! No hickeys!!” But Minhyuk doesn’t hear him because he’s already too far away and the music is far too loud.

Stumbling towards the isle, his new best friend, Changkyun wonders about his life choices. He doesn’t let his thoughts go too far, already serving himself another drink before slumping down on a nearby chair.

He looks around and sees Hyungwon and Wonho making out in a rather secluded corner of the room. He smirks. He’s totally pleased with himself because now he will have something to stab Hyungwon with: _you made out in the middle of the party, lalalalalala!_ It will probably earn him a backstab but, well, _worth_.

When Changkyun finally finishes his drink his field of vision makes a full spin. He can feel his head quickly dipping forward. He sees the floor, can’t shut his eyes, but he doesn’t fall. A firm hand grabs him by the shoulder and slowly pushes him back, another palming at his face to bring it up. Jooheon? He looks up and sees—

“Hey, hey,” says Kihyun, smiling a little. “Don’t die. It’s not even 3am.”

“I’m… not dead.”

Kihyun tries to meet Changkyun’s eyes, crouching slightly in front of him. “Maybe you should stop drinking.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re drunk, kid.”

Changkyun frowns. “Right. So are you.”

“Not as much as you. Come on, let’s get you to the kitchen. You need water,” Kihyun bosses, struggling slightly in his own drunkenness to bring Changkyun to his feet. “Gosh, you’re heavy.”

Changkyun gets up but loses balance and tips forward, his forehead landing on Kihyun’s chest. “Di— _didya_ just call me fat?”

Kihyun holds Changkyun close so he won’t fall. “What? No. I was—what was your name again?”

“Changkyun. And _shhhh_ , I love my chips and my sodas. Leamme alone…”

“Changkyun, if I leave you alone you’ll fall. Come on. Kitchen.”

“I’m fine here. You smell nice.” And he does. And Changkyun feels comfortable there. He closes his eyes and doesn’t hear a reply from Kihyun. He just drifts off for a bit. Smiling a little when he realizes how silly the whole situation is: there he is, drunk as fuck, being taken care of by a guy he just met and who—by the way—is beautiful as fuck. If that’s not lame, then Changkyun doesn’t know what it is.

Not until he finally swallows for the first time in a while and opens his eyes, vision still a little blurry but far better than before.

He looks up and sees Kihyun eyeing the dancing crowd. Is he, is he wearing contacts? He thinks. “You’re very pretty,” he says instead.

Kihyun blinks and looks down. He starts stepping away, still holding Changkyun by the shoulders. “Thank you,” he breathes out somewhat sincerely. “Better?” Changkyun nods and Kihyun smiles. “You still need water, though.”

“Yeah, I feel rather thirsty…”

“Stay here. I’ll get you something.”

And Changkyun stays. He doesn’t even move to sit down, he just stands there like an idiot because a pretty boy told him to stay. He waits and watches the crowd, still dizzy every time his eyelids flutter, and then he watches Kihyun emerge from the kitchen with a glass of water.

“Is that,” Changkyun frowns, “a real cup? Not plastic? Wow.”

Kihyun chuckles. “Yeah, you’re a privileged little shit.”

“I’m no more little than yo— _ouch!_ You smacked me!”

“Less talking. More drinking.”

Changkyun takes the glass and sips. “I’m sorry I’m giving you trouble. Usually, Jooheon would take care of me and vice versa but… He is busy right now.”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to. Now shut up and drink.” Abrasive, yes but very, very caring, Changkyun finds. And very, very beautiful, too. Even more beautiful when he takes the glass from Changkyun’s hands a few minutes later and grabs his hand. “Come on. Do you dance?”

Changkyun shakes his head and feels dizzy. “No. Ugh, no. Do you?”

“Yeah? Come on,” Kihyun says, giving a little pull at Changkyun’s hand. “It’s a slow song, right now, you don’t have to go wild.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes and snorts. “If I go wild I might puke.”

“Ew. Shut up. Come.”

And Changkyun goes.

And everything feels a little silly. Because Changkyun is laughing at how awkward everything feels. And then he’s laughing because Kihyun is laughing and giggling when Changkyun stumbles. And then they’re both laughing because Hyungwon is making fun of them. Hyungwon, who looks far more gone than Changkyun. And Wonho, who grabs him by the hand and smiles wide when his boyfriend rambles in his drunkenness.

Changkyun is bad at dancing, but Kihyun doesn’t seem to mind. Wonho suggests Changkyun should visit them at the club sometime and that’s when Kihyun admits that he is a dancer in Wonho's hip hop group, Shownu too. Of course, when facing such professionalism, Changkyun can’t help but stumble a little more.

And then Kihyun gets impatient and says, “Come on, this a ballad, this is easy.” And grabs Changkyun’s arms and shoves them on top of his shoulders. And Changkyun doesn’t know what it is. He doesn’t know what changes so that the happy and slightly silly atmosphere suddenly deepens. Gets heavier. Draws Kihyun’s eyes relentlessly towards Changkyun’s, locking fast like lodestones.

Changkyun can see the surprise in Kihyun’s face. But also… he can also see something else. Like the way Kihyun notices Changkyun’s gaze dropping to his lips. The way Kihyun holds his breath. The way his irises blow. And maybe it’s the way the lights flicker. Maybe it’s the slow song. Maybe it’s how quiet everyone feels. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s how close they feel.

Tonight, there’s a new variable. A new variable in a long equation. And if Changkyun tries to solve it he gets a kiss. A kiss with a name on it.

Changkyun holds Kihyun closer and feels Kihyun’s hands loosely around him. He moves, a little dizzy and Kihyun catches him midway. They kiss and Changkyun’s brain goes mute.


	2. Intensity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am out of nachos and Changkyun is out of time...

_f(P, ρ, T)_

  
The alarm goes off, screen flashing like the sun in the darkness of the bedroom. Changkyun gently opens his eyes, like peeling off two yogurt lids in slow motion. Everything is blurry and Changkyun almost pushes his phone away as he tries to reach for it. He snoozes the alarm and lets his arm fall flat across the mattress. He feels like death.

When his vision comes into focus a million and one things go through his head. Where is he? He shifts around, dizzy when he tries to focus on the other side of the room. He’s in the dorms— _thank god_ —Is he alone? He hears Jooheon’s usual startled snore. Ok, no. He’s back in the dorms and he is in the right room; thankfully, he fell asleep in the right bed this time.

He tries to sit up, nausea finally climbing from the depths to make an alliance with his already growing headache. There’s a weird taste in his mouth. He contemplates getting up and obtaining nourishment and hydration, but his stomach protests. It wants to be left alone and Changkyun is going to obey his stomach’s wishes. He glances at his phone again, hitting the home button, hurting his eyes with the light. It’s 11am and, apparently, he’d arrived too drunk to remember to put his phone on charge.

Two full minutes pass before Changkyun’s headache probes his cortex for a sequence of memories that make his heart jump up to his throat. It’s hard to swallow, especially considering how dry his mouth feels. He looks at his hands, licks his lips and then throws himself back with a loud groan as he covers his face.

He’d kissed that boy. That pretty, pretty boy who is friends with Wonho and with whom Changkyun had spent the entire night conversating—and kissing, mostly kissing. Not once, not twice, not thrice, but many, many times. He can feel his embarrassment trying to fight his hangover with a pointy sword.

Sitting up again, Changkyun runs a quick scan through everything he can remember, vowing to himself that he will never drink again and knowing deep down he is going to break that vow come next week.

But enough is enough. Changkyun grabs the corner of the bed covers and tosses it off. The motion from seated to upright comes as a surprise as he dry wretches temporarily before having to run to the toilet. He can’t believe he slept with his jeans on.

“Wha’time izz–it?” Asks Jooheon from the depths of the bedroom, voice groggy and deep.

“11 something, I think.” Changkyun replies from the bathroom.

Jooheon coughs the tiredness away and Changkyun can hear him shifting in bed. “I didn’t see you come in last night. When did you get here?”

“Dude, we came in the same car.”

“What? We did? Man… how wasted was I?”

Changkyun flushes the toilet and slowly drags himself to the sink. He really needs to get that awful taste off his mouth. “No idea, man. Ask Minhyuk, he was with you the whole night.” He smiles when he hears Jooheon’s little growl-like reply. “That good, was it?” He asks before throwing some toothpaste over his toothbrush and shoving it in his mouth. He walks towards the door and leans on the doorframe, crossing his arms and staring at the burrito wiggling in the bed across from him. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up! It’s so awkward…”

“What? Why?”

“Because we’re friends and— _god_ , Changkyun… you’re drooling toothpaste. Go do that in the bathroom! And why the fuck are you dressed? Did you sleep like that?” Too many questions, zero replies. No fucks given.

Changkyun finishes brushing his teeth and finally manages to get rid of those infernal jeans before he puts on his favourite sweatpants and throws a hoodie over his head.

“Is that my hoodie?” Jooheon asks when Changkyun gets a little closer and sits on the floor right next to Jooheon’s bed. “You look like you’re drowning in there.”

“I’m fine. You were saying?”

Jooheon sighs, rolling in his own burrito to face Changkyun completely. “I was saying it’s awkward. We’re friends. And I sort of got there and—and, and I told him I like him and—”

“ _Ohmygod_ ,” Changkyun gasps dramatically, “you didn’t!”

“Shut up, ass. It was your idea!” _Actually_ , it had been Kihyun’s idea. Frickin’ Kihyun and his pretty, pretty fa— “Anyway, I told him I like him, and he just wide eyed me for a second and then kissed me.”

“Did he tell you he likes you back?”

Jooheon shakes his head, little pout coming up for a peek. “No, he didn’t.”

“Right… Well, this is Minhyuk we’re talking about. Sometimes he’s a little flighty but he wouldn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know. I know that, I just feel a little…”

“Insecure?”

Insecurity is a feeling Changkyun understands. He is confident about a lot of things. He knows he is good at maths and he has got a lot of useless knowledge no one gives two shits about. He knows how to handle Jooheon and he’s got a good relationship with all his other friends. But he’s quiet and when he tries to convey something he can’t help but be awkward, say the wrong thing, be too intense when it’s not needed, be slightly nonchalant when he should show more interest. Somehow, Changkyun finds, he is always at odds with life. He feels a lot and it frustrates him how words cannot convey his feelings. He wants to please but he doesn’t know how to. And he feels like he gives far more than he receives.

All things accounted for, Changkyun is secure about his capabilities but insecure about his worth. So, of course, he understands Jooheon better than anyone else. Because the two of them are the same in more ways than one.

“It’ll be fine,” Changkyun says with a smile, hoping he sounds as reassuring as he is trying to be. He reaches out and pokes Jooheon’s nose. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

Jooheon nods, curling up a little more and slowly turning into a ball of blankets. “What about you?” He asks, eyelids fluttering heavily. “What happened to you last night?”

Changkyun looks down. He is considering if he should talk about it. He doesn’t want to steal Jooheon’s thunder and he definitely doesn’t want to make it seem like a big deal—it isn’t a big deal. He made out with a pretty boy at a party. Good shit, not worth the freak out. Not even if he feels like smiling every time he remembers it—nope. Then again… Hyungwon knows about it and he is definitely going to tell everyone.

“Bro?”

Changkyun blinks. “Sorry, uhm… Do you remember Wonho’s friend?” He shyly looks up. “The one we hadn’t met yet? Kihyun?”

“Oh… Oh, yeah. The one who told me to grow a pair,” Jooheon grumbles. “When I see him again I’m gonna show him who’s got the biggest pair.”

Changkyun snorts and frowns a little. “Uhm, bro… that’s…”

Jooheon wiggles. “Shut up! I said what I said. Now. What about him?”

“Well, we—uh… We kissed. And—”

“Wait. What?!” Jooheon jumps up, throwing the covers away and kneeling in front of Changkyun. “You and that guy?” Changkyun can hear the judgemental tone. “Why?”

“What do you mean _why_. Did you even _see_ him?”

“Not as well as you, apparently.”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow but decides to let the conversation hang. Of course, Jooheon wants details. He’s pleading, then teasing, then threatening until Changkyun is squirming away to sit down on the chair by his desk. He opens his laptop and watches Jooheon throw a tantrum. Because Changkyun never tells him anything. Because they’re friends, best friends, yet Jooheon is always the last one to find out about the important stuff. Because Changkyun hasn’t kissed anyone since high school and they should be celebrating—irrelevant. Because Kihyun looks like an asshole with a sharp tongue and Changkyun can find better. And…

And…

And Changkyun remembers he needs to sign up for his CATAM classes. He reaches for the glasses sitting behind his laptop, grabs them and puts them on.

“You realize I am not letting this go, right?” Says Jooheon from where he’s sprawled on the floor like a starfish. “Do you like the guy or something?”

Changkyun scrolls down the CATAM sign up page. “I met him yesterday, dude.”

“Yes, but—”

“Can’t you just be happy for me?” He says, casually, eyes still locked on the computer screen. “Like, _good job Changkyun. You scored big time! He was pretty as fuck, I am proud._ Something like that…”

Jooheon pauses to consider. He crosses his arms and stares at the ceiling. “Fair enough.”

“Thank you very much.”

  
_P = (k/μH)ρT_

  
“But what if you see him again? I mean, he’s friends with Wonho.”

Changkyun stops scrolling and stares at a blank space on the website. “What about it?” His mouth says. _Ohmygod I’m gonna die of embarrassment if that happens_ , his brain screams. Yet somehow, for some reason, he suddenly really wants to see Kihyun again. _Goddamn it, Jooheon_.

  
_Iλdλ = Iνdν, Iλ = (c/λ2) Iν = (ν2/c) Iν_

  
Intensity: the magnitude of a quantity (such as force or energy) per unit (as of area, charge, mass, or time). And time: the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.

Intensity is what Changkyun thinks of when Minhyuk barges into their room, plastic bag in hand and shouts, “Good morning, Lesbians! — _Ugh_ , why so dark?” Moving towards the nearest window to crack the curtains open. “Woah, much better—Hey!! What’s up?” He smiles from ear to ear when he sees Jooheon dying on the floor. “Hangover hitting hard, babe?”

Changkyun smirks when he notices Jooheon blush down to his neck. “Aw, call him _babe_ again. I think he likes it.”

Jooheon glares. “Shut up, dude.”

Minhyuk laughs. Then, he reaches inside his plastic bag and brings out two sports drinks that shine neon yellow in the sunlight. He hands Jooheon one of the bottles and tosses the other at Changkyun before moving to sit down by Jooheon’s desk, throwing the plastic bag over the table. Changkyun realizes how thirsty he is once he puts the bottle to his lips and feels the sweet, refreshing liquid bring him back to life.

“Alright, so here’s the thing,” Minhyuk starts, eyes going from Changkyun to Jooheon where they linger before he looks at his nails instead, “Hyungwon phoned me a few minutes ago. It's Wonho’s birthday today and he wants us to pitch in, too.”

 _Time_ , a continued progress full of easy-to-miss-chances. Changkyun finishes signing up for his CATAM classes, sipping at his sports drink until he finishes it with a loud slurp, throwing the bottle over the table and slamming his laptop shut. He takes his glasses off and cleans them on the hem of his hoodie—Jooheon’s hoodie, doesn’t matter. _Time_. Timing. The timing is bad. “I should start studying for my weekly quiz next Wednesday…” He mutters, taking his time to process the whole information before his brain makes the click— _Wait_. “It’s Wonho’s birthday?”

Minhyuk nods. “Apparently. Hyungwon didn’t give me any details but it seems it’s a surprise party. So, Wonho doesn’t know about it. It’d be cool if we could all go, I mean, we’re all friends now.” Probably best friends, in Minhyuk’s book. “Come on, Kyunnie… You can start studying tomorrow. The stars won’t burn out if you skip a day or two and I will still be a Scorpio by the time you get back home.”

Changkyun sighs. “Min, I’ve told you a hundred times I study _astronomy_. Physics and astronomy. _Not_ astrology.”

“Same shit.”

“It really isn’t…”

Jooheon finally finishes his sports drink, too, and spits the bottle to the side. “I love how I’m being kept out of this conversation…”

Minhyuk turns to look at him over his shoulder. “Shut up, honey. The adults are talking.” He finishes with a smile to add sweetness to his lack of emotion just now. Changkyun can’t help but wonder what their relationship will be like in the future. After all, Jooheon is easy to tease but he learns quickly. In a few weeks he’ll be throwing Minhyuk as many jabs and burns as Minhyuk throws him. “Seriously, though,” Minhyuk corrects when Jooheon throws him a pointy glare, “you’re coming, right?”

“Right…”

Minhyuk beams, eyes rushing towards Changkyun. “Come on, Kyunnie! It’s Wonho’s birthday! He deserves the world.” Well, Minhyuk is not wrong.

“You care so much about other people,” Jooheon mutters, probably unaware he’s said it out loud and with obvious sarcasm.

“I care about you more,” Minhyuk teases.

Changkyun lets his head fall back and then tilts it just enough to glance at the other two by the corner of his eye. He frowns when he sees them staring lovingly into each other’s eyes. “Who else is going?” He knows the answer, he just wants to see how long it takes for those two to realize they’re being totally obvious right in front of Changkyun’s salad.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Minhyuk shrugs, finally looking away from Jooheon. “He said Wonho leaves practice in two hours. So, I’m guessing Shownu and that other guy whose name I forgot will be there too.” _Kihyun_. Changkyun holds Minhyuk’s gaze. What can he say? He’s curious. “So?” Minhyuk angles himself to level with Changkyun.

Changkyun notices Jooheon raise his head from the floor and move two fingers to point at his own eyes and then move them to point at Changkyun. _Watching you_ , he mouths. But Changkyun can’t help it. He’s really curious and—and he really wants to see Kihyun again. “Fine, I’ll go,” he says as if he’s being forced. Minhyuk smiles wide and Jooheon nods at Changkyun as he mouths, _I knew it_.

Of course, Changkyun is starting to feel like Schrödinger's cat not even five minutes later. He wants to go, but he’s starting to feel anxious. He loses far too much time looking at his wardrobe before Minhyuk picks his clothes for him. He rushes his makeup because he looks like shit and he really can’t go out all barefaced. “Powder is enough!” Minhyuk tells him. But there’s no way Changkyun leaves that room with his eye bags looking like the depths of Tartarus.

Then there’s the issue with their ride. They’re already thirty minutes late and the hand of destiny is holding Minhyuk’s car, making the damn vehicle pull a Jooheon on them—Aka, it stutters and doesn’t start.

“You what?!” Minhyuk shouts after Jooheon hurriedly reveals last night’s events before Changkyun can shut him up. Minhyuk slams his hands over the driving wheel, causing the horn to blow. “You kissed Kihyun?” He tries to start the car for the fifth time. It stutters a little before it goes quiet again. He looks towards the backseats over his shoulder. “When did this happen?”

Changkyun sighs. “It’s not a big deal. Look, you kissed Jooheon and you don’t see me freaking out about it!”

“Exactly! Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“Because I know you two like each other.”

“Yes! We do! So, what?” Minhyuk doesn’t notice Jooheon pretend to look out the window to smile, but Changkyun does. “Do you like Kihyun?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “Again, for the second time, I just met him.”—Might have a slight, dreamy, teenage boy crush bubbling in the darkness of his heart, though. Not that anyone needs to know that.

Minhyuk throws his tongue out at Changkyun and then tries to start the car again. He slams his foot on one of the pedals—Changkyun can’t tell which—and smiles when the car finally chokes and blows a smoky fart before it starts purring.

 _By the way_ , Minhyuk is a terrible driver. By the time they arrive, Changkyun feels like he must crawl his way out of the car very slowly or the sports drink is going to come back out the way it went in. Jooheon looks fine, for some reason, flushing a little when Minhyuk rushes to hold his hand after locking the car. _Ugh, just get married_ , Changkyun thinks.

Hyungwon is waiting right in front of the dance studio, holding a card box in his hands, foot tapping while he glares at Minhyuk, Jooheon and Changkyun running towards him like three headless chicken making hideous noises. “You’re late! Why are you late? I called you three hours ago, Minhyuk!”

“I knooooow!” Minhyuk whines, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. “But Kyunnie had a brain fart and then my car wouldn’t start. Well, the usual. We apologize.” Minhyuk grabs Changkyun by the arm and pulls him close, forcing him to bow. “Apologize, Kyunnie.”

Changkyun snorts and lowers his head. “Sorrrreeeeeyy.” He glances at the card box. “Is that cake?”

Hyungwon sighs and nods towards the door. “Yes, it’s cake. Come on, I don’t know how much longer Hyunwoo can keep Wonho inside.”

“Who is Hyunwoo?” Minhyuk asks, clinging to both Changkyun and Jooheon as they get inside.

“Minhyuk, you lusted after him for a whole semester and you don’t even know his name? I’m disappointed.”

“Oh! You mean Shownu! Cute.”

The dance studio has a weird smell, stuffy, atmosphere so heavy it makes it hard to breathe. They walk through a long corridor. Changkyun feels his heartbeat increase speed, anxious for… for something. They can hear loud music ahead and it gets louder as they get closer to the next door. A door that leads into a smaller corridor and…

And Changkyun is reminded once again: _Intensity_. Intensity: the magnitude of a quantity (such as force or energy) per unit (as of area, charge, mass, or time). Just a few steps away, Kihyun stands near a glass door, biting at his lower lip as he peeks into the nearby room. There’s a towel over his shoulders, his black shirt and purple hair sticking to his skin and—Changkyun notices once he’s close enough—there are water drops running down the sides of Kihyun’s face. Yeah… Changkyun is definitely crushing on a boy he kissed while drunk. Lame…

Kihyun turns once he notices them. He cleans his face on one side of his towel and frowns. “What took you so long? You realize Hyunwoo is making him dance until exhaustion? He’ll be dead before he can blow the damn candles!” Kihyun notices Changkyun, but his eyes don’t linger, instead turning back to glare at Hyungwon. Changkyun wonders if Kihyun remembers him or… or if he just doesn’t want to remember him. Both… Both are acceptable, he guesses. Also, sort of hurtful.

“Sorry. These assholes were taking their sweet time,” Hyungwon says, eye roll obvious, like he really doesn’t want to be apologizing to Kihyun of all people.

“Uh, resorting to name calling,” Minhyuk mocks. “I love it when you’re angry.” He pokes Hyungwon’s side and smirks when Hyungwon freezes.

Jooheon scoots closer, trying to peek through the glass door, and everyone moves to do the same. Changkyun feels himself being shoved around between his friends until he’s—awkwardly so—standing right next to Kihyun. Should he say something? Like, a greeting or something. Or should he just focus on how beautifully Wonho dances— _wow_ , and Shownu. True gods, those two. Now that he thinks about it, they’re probably aliens, that’s why they’re perfect and, _wow_ , Changkyun really likes—but right! _Kihyun_. Kihyun, whose sweaty hand coincidentally brushes over Changkyun’s and makes his brain halt. Why is he feeling so awkward? Why is he crushing so hard? Oh, right. Because Kihyun is pretty and Changkyun knows what he kisses like.

Hyungwon struggles to open the card box and bring the cake out, having to ask for Minhyuk’s help while Changkyun’s eyes go between Kihyun’s face and Wonho and Shownu on the other side of the door. Maybe he should just stay quiet, he thinks. Maybe Kihyun prefers it like that, too. Yet then Changkyun’s mouth does that thing, that thing when it moves without his brain’s permission.

“Hey,” he says so softly he doubts Kihyun has heard him.

But then Kihyun turns his head, somewhat surprised, and says, “Hey,” back. And Changkyun smiles because he’s happy. Kihyun frowns and looks away, then looking down at his feet for a moment before he looks back up to watch Jooheon try to light the candles without destroying the cake. “Didn’t think I’d see you again,” Kihyun mutters.

“Yeah, well… I’ve heard that same line from all these guys,” Changkyun says. Kihyun laughs and Changkyun feels warm inside. He glances at Kihyun’s face and almost flushes when he realizes Kihyun is looking back and smirking.

“Does that mean I’ll be seeing you more often, then?”

“Maybe. Is that bad?” Changkyun asks, probably a bit more daringly than he’d intended. Kihyun turns away, laughing again. And when Changkyun realizes he’s not getting an answer his mouth moves again before his brain can think of a decent save— _there has been an attempt_ (at flirting). “I had a terrible morning, by the way.” _Great, small talk—you suck at small talk, you bean head._

“I imagine.”

Hyungwon finally has the cake ready and Jooheon has his palm flat on the glass door—it’s going to stain—and they’re waiting for the music to stop before they can go in. Everything happens so fast Changkyun can only register flashes at a time:

Jooheon pushes the door open and everyone starts singing _Happy Birthday, Wonho_. Wonho turns around, tired, sweaty, but still smiling like the sun, and throws a hand over his mouth. Hyungwon is doing a lot of smiling, too. Shownu, Minhyuk and Jooheon shout the song. And… and Kihyun casually throws his arm over Changkyun’s shoulders to pull him closer to the rest of the group as he sings with a frown on his face and a smirk on lips.

Intensity.

Wonho makes his trademark _run-his-fingers-through-his-fluffy-light-brown-hair-with-that-stupid-sexy-face-of-his_ move before he blows the candles and smiles wide at them. Hyungwon watches with loving eyes, the kind Changkyun hadn’t seen yet— _love_. Minhyuk blissfully ignores Shownu for the first time ever, instead clinging to Jooheon’s arm and smiling. And Kihyun stuffs a piece of cake in his mouth, lips pursed, and right cheek swollen as he munches.

Intensity: Not Kihyun’s, no. Not Changkyun’s either. Everyone’s.


	3. Perpetual Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smols are talking nerd.

Energy can be transformed from one form to another but can be neither created nor destroyed. An impossible perpetual motion, a motion of bodies that continues indefinitely. A myth for dreamers, a dream for believers. An inevitability, the reality of things, where energy is still energy, no matter what form it takes, and maybe people are the idiots who can’t understand their role in the universe as part of something greater, as part of an engine that never sleeps—an engine where explosions create life just as quickly as they take them. An engine where energy is the source and everything else is a fallacy.

It’s easy, Changkyun thinks, to see the patterns. Like when his mother would yell at him when he was a kid and he’d misbehave, and his skin would go red and burn with heat: _shame_. Or that time when he cried out of frustration and felt better afterwards: _relief_. Or even when Minhyuk was crying the other day and everyone felt incredibly sad: _empathy_. And then Hyungwon made a stupid joke and everyone laughed: _contagion_. Like when Changkyun made (microwaved) popcorn that one time and Jooheon smiled when he saw Changkyun had prepared two separate bowls: _gratitude_. When Changkyun saw Kihyun smile for the first time and felt his heart stop: _attraction_. When they celebrated Wonho’s birthday together and felt like they belonged: _connection_. And now, with Changkyun sitting on the grass in the middle of the campus, feeling his body get warmer under the sunlight: _energy_.

The intent, the energy with which people (and the universe) do things influences everything else around them. Everything is a bundle of energy, easily lost in the blur of the stars. And that, Changkyun thinks with a smile on his face as he closes this week’s read on thermodynamics, is the beauty of life. That and Kihyun, who is just a few feet away arguing with Hyungwon about some photography-related issue.

Hyungwon is overseeing this week’s edition of the Uni Magazine. It’s his final year. A few months and he will be done with his Masters. Which explains how he and Kihyun met in the first place: Kihyun was assigned by the photography department to work with Hyungwon on the next issue. And Kihyun is—no, this is not a biased opinion—a great photographer, Changkyun thinks.

He looks down and starts shoving the notes he had all over his lap into his backpack. He did good today. He arrived earlier and did some work in the library. He paid attention in class—even if he hates thermodynamics—and he’s already read enough to avoid feeling like a complete fool on next week’s quiz.

Jooheon is lying down next to him, eyes closed and headphones on, mouthing the lyrics to a song Changkyun doesn’t recognize. Hyungwon is now pointing at something in his laptop and Kihyun is rolling his eyes.

Changkyun let’s himself fall on his back with a huff. He feels the grass tickle the back of his neck, so he quickly mimics Jooheon and crosses his arms under his head. He hears Hyungwon mumble something, followed by Kihyun’s laugh.

There’s a list of things Changkyun likes: he likes collecting shoes, he likes puns and word play, he likes hanging out with his friends, he likes astronomy, he likes discussing conspiracy theories, he likes to snack in between meals, he likes scented candles and he likes travelling. And now, he likes Kihyun’s laugh.

If only he could know more about him. After all, Kihyun is… hard to understand. Changkyun has only known him for a week and he’s seen him like two other times after Wonho’s birthday, and every time Kihyun had seemed so distant, so hard to reach… which makes it more difficult because Changkyun feels embarrassed and uncomfortable with people he doesn’t know well enough. And maybe… just maybe, that’s the problem.

“Bro,” he mutters when he stops hearing music coming from Jooheon’s headphones, “can I ask you something?”

Jooheon flutters his eyes open and raises his head slightly to remove his headphones, “Yeah, sorry. Of course. What’s up?”

“How do you get comfortable with someone? Like… not in an overbearing way, just, you know, comfortable. Like, how do you get to know someone better?”

“Uhm, what is this about?”

“Just answer me.”

Jooheon frowns and lays his head back. “Well, those… things take time, you know. Like, you have to be yourself and hope the person you wanna be friends with clicks with you, I guess.”

Changkyun tilts his head slightly to look at his friend. “Is that what happened to us?”

Jooheon returns the look. “You and I?” He smirks, “Nah, bro. You and I were meant to be. We were already friends before we knew each other.”

Changkyun laughs and rolls away when Jooheon pokes his side. “You are so cheesy, man.”

“I’ve learned my best lines from you, bro.”

Changkyun sits up and crosses his legs. There’s grass on his jeans now. “So, I just have to be myself and hope for the best?” He watches Jooheon sit up as well and lock eyes with him.

“Is this about what I think it is?”

“Maybe,” Changkyun smirks.

Jooheon nods and looks away. “I see. Well, I guess it’s my turn to brosit you then. _Aish_ … Seriously, you have the worst taste in men.” He glances one more time towards Changkyun before he looks where Hyungwon and Kihyun are sitting just a few feet away and shouts, “Hey, a-holes!” He’s greeted with two pointy glares. “When will the two of you be done with that shit? I’m getting hungry!”

“Then, go eat?!” Hyungwon shouts back.

Jooheon smirks. “I will! And I will invite Wonho!” He smiles even wider when Hyungwon sighs and slams his laptop shut, much to Kihyun’s annoyed surprise.

Hyungwon rises to his feet, grabbing his bag and shoving his laptop inside. He glares at Kihyun who is still sitting down and frowning in pure disbelief. “Come,” he says.

“What? Why do I have to go, too?” Kihyun complains, but he’s already getting up and following Hyungwon.

“Because he said _a-holes_ and that is plural for _a-hole_. And because you’re carrying my bag,” Hyungwon quickly drops all the weight of his bag on Kihyun’s shoulder and smirks when Kihyun almost breaks.

“Wha—Hey!”

“Come on, shorty.”

Kihyun’s eyes look like they can cut through steel. “Call me shorty one more time.” Still beautiful…

Hyungwon gets in between Jooheon and Changkyun as if to shield himself from the sudden cold breeze and turns to face Kihyun. “What will you do?” And the three of them stare at Kihyun.

It’s the first time Changkyun sees Kihyun blush. And it’s the first time Changkyun hears Kihyun’s voice tremble when he says, “I’ll fucking drop it!” He shakes Hyungwon’s bag, “I’ll drop it!”

“You won’t,” Hyungwon says like he knows what he’s talking about, “you can’t.”

Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches slightly. He waits for a heartbeat and then sighs. “Ugh… I hate you so much…” _All talk_ , Changkyun thinks to himself.

“It’s mutual. So, where are we going?”

Jooheon grabs his phone. “Wait, lemme text your boyfriend first.” Hyungwon raises an eyebrow but Jooheon ignores him, then pocketing his phone and slapping Hyungwon’s back. “Alright, done.”

Hyungwon mutters something about pizza and Jooheon whines because pizza will just ruin his diet— _what the fuck, what diet_ —and, and Changkyun notices an uncomfortable Kihyun in his field of vision, struggling with his camera hanging from his neck, his backpack on his left shoulder and Hyungwon’s on the right.

_Just be yourself._

Changkyun sighs, steps closer and smiles. Kihyun looks up, frowning, then just slightly confused when Changkyun removes Hyungwon’s bag from Kihyun’s shoulder and throws it over his own—totally ignoring his back’s protest. It will hurt later but—

“You don’t—give me that,” Kihyun says, face softening slightly.

Changkyun shakes his head and steps back, away from Kihyun’s reach. “No. Let me help.”

“I can take it.”

“I know you can. But so can I.” Barely, really. Barely. But he can.

Kihyun frowns again. “Fine… fine.” He looks away but then quickly looks back, like he’s forgotten something, and he says, “Thanks…” And Changkyun smiles. _Yes, just be yourself._

“I know!” Jooheon suddenly says, his volume increasing as his continues, “Minhyuk and I went to this cute place nearby the other day and they had churros and—”

Hyungwon perks up. “Churros?”

“Choco churros!”

“Alright, let’s go,” Hyungwon is already walking when Jooheon calls him and points the other way. “Ah,” he says, ignoring Kihyun’s eye roll and Changkyun’s little laugh, “yes, I knew that. I was just excited.”

“Please don’t say that,” says Jooheon with a head tilt, “that word doesn’t go along with your tired, somewhat cosy, aesthetic.”

Changkyun feels his mouth open and his hand move up. He doesn’t really think about it. He just pinches at his nose bridge, closes his eyes and says in a deep voice, _“Changkyunnie… I dreamt I couldn’t wake up and I am not even sure I am awake right now…”_ And… and Kihyun laughs. And so does Jooheon.

Hyungwon turns and points at him, “Look! That was once! And it was scary, alright?” And Changkyun smirks, his smile vanishing when Kihyun passes, still laughing.

Some physicists have pointed out that people do not know what energy is. And that if there is no clear idea of energy, teaching the concept must be a problem. But, Changkyun thinks, maybe it’s not something to be seen or known, it’s just something one feels. And what is seen is but a consequence. And what is known is very little.

Yet, Changkyun is 100% certain that choco churros have their own _consequence_ near an unpredictable force like Hyungwon. He’d been the one leading the group, listening carefully to Jooheon’s directions. He’d been the one to pick a table. He’d been the one placing the orders. And the only thing that made his eyes sparkle as much at the sight of freshly made churros was the sight of Wonho walking into the little coffee shop.

“What? You study astrophysics?” Wonho asks a few minutes later around a mouthful of churros. “That’s so cool! You’re like… extra smart then?” Changkyun feels his ears burn. He looks down with a shy smile on his face. Honestly, he thinks, anyone is smart in their own field of study.

Hyungwon licks chocolate off one of his fingers. “He’s alright.”

“He’s smart,” Jooheon concedes. “Don’t get him started on—”

“Tell me something smart,” Wonho says with a smile. “Blow my mind!”

Jooheon rolls his eyes, “Oh god… Alright.”

Changkyun looks up. He eyes Kihyun and, and Kihyun is looking at him, munching. There’s a bump in his cheek. _Cute_. And then Changkyun glances at Wonho and says the first thing that comes to mind, “Well, uh… there is a black hole in the centre of the Milky Way galaxy that is millions of times the mass of the Sun.” Nothing amazing, to be honest.

Wonho gapes. “Really? You mean to say our galaxy is… a black hole?!” He turns very quickly towards Hyungwon. “What?” He looks at Changkyun again, eyes wide. “That’s so scary… wah! I feel so small…” Wonho seems easily impressed. But Kihyun isn’t. He’s already looking down at his churros, probably considering which to put in his mouth. (There’s a very serious joke at the front of Changkyun’s brain. But he wills it away.)

And Jooheon seems to pick this up because he says, “Kyunnie. 55 times 66 times 7?” He licks his lips and smiles when Kihyun looks back up, eyes on Changkyun.

It takes Changkyun four heartbeats. “25410.” Everyone gapes, even Hyungwon, who just gagged on his churro and started to cough.

“Kyunnie, that Einstein thingy you told me about yesterday.”

Changkyun hums. “The… general relativity one?” Jooheon shrugs. Changkyun looks down. “It’s a theory of gravitation according to which the observed gravitational effect between masses... results from... their warping of spacetime.”

Wonho blinks. “I have no idea what that means but damn, that’s hot.” Changkyun can feel his cheeks burn—Wonho, of all people just called him hot— _ohmygod_.

Hyungwon chokes again. “H—Hey!” And Wonho pats his back.

Jooheon nods, “Agreed. And I get the full pack every single night because this idiot mumbles when he studies. Seriously, I think my nightmares have numbers in them now. And dying stars and space clouds.”

“Space cows?” Hyungwon sniffles.

“Clouds! Space clouds!”

Kihyun taps on the table to get Changkyun’s attention. “Can you really do maths, like, like that? In your head?” Changkyun nods. And Kihyun leans back. “Wow, that’s.” Changkyun’s ears burn and Jooheon smiles wider next to him.

“I’m really smart, too.” Hyungwon says and everyone looks at him. Changkyun snorts because he knows Hyungwon is jealous. Jooheon probably realizes this too. The others, well, not so much. “I could make you all cry over spilled milk. Literally!”

Wonho smiles. “It’s true. He _can_ write.”

Kihyun laughs in his throat. “He’s ok.”

“Actually,” Jooheon says, “maybe you would be interested.” He tells Kihyun and Kihyun raises an eyebrow. Jooheon glances at Changkyun. “Kyunnie, the photography thing.”

Changkyun blinks. “What thing?”

“The… what was it — astro-whatever-photography telescope thingy!”

“Oh! Yeah,” Changkyun looks at Kihyun who seems very interested all of sudden. “Astrophotography. One of our teachers has a damned 1600GTO German Equatorial Mount. Shit’s crazy for shots. You’d like it.” His heart squeezes when he sees Kihyun’s eyes shine. “It’s, uh,” he looks down, “cool. He also has—sorry. This probably sounds like Chinese to you…”

Kihyun shakes his head. “Can you show me? Like, I’m trying to imagine whatever you just said looks like but…”

Changkyun glances back up again and nods, grabbing his phone and waving Kihyun over. And Kihyun moves, gracefully, forgetting about his churros and coming to sit right next to Changkyun.

And he listens when Changkyun fanboys about the true power of a Celestron EdgeHD 11. And he is very vocal about his awe when Changkyun shows him what astrophotography actually looks like. Changkyun knows he can’t turn his head and look. Kihyun is far too close. But he’s listening, and he’s interested in what—Changkyun always thought—would be considered boring and farfetched, out of reach for ‘ordinary minds’. There’s no such thing as an ‘ordinary mind’. There is only curiosity.

And, suddenly, Kihyun throws a napkin ball at Hyungwon. “Hey, bean pole!” He smirks when Hyungwon glares at him, “For the first page,” he points at Changkyun, “let’s do this!”

“What?” Hyungwon frowns.

“Like, you know, this is cool. These guys know so much. I am certain you can make people care about the physics department if you apply yourself. And meanwhile I,” he glances at Changkyun, “ _you_ could help me convince your teacher to, I don’t know, photograph the sky with me or something— _ugh_ ,” he grimaces, “this sounds cheesy.”

Changkyun swallows and his mouth moves before his brain, as usual. “I don’t know about my teacher, but I can do it. I just need to ask for permission and get the keys to the laboratory before the department closes.”

Kihyun beams. “Nice!” He looks at Hyungwon. “Done. We have a first page issue.” _Ohgod_ , is this a date with Kihyun? Not official, of course, but… but!

Hyungwon sighs, “Fine… sounds interesting. I am actually a bit mad I didn’t think about this myself. We’ve never interviewed the physics department before.”

“That’s because we don’t usually have any achievements to brag about,” Changkyun admits. “But we’re an interesting bunch, if you care about such things.” His heart stops when Kihyun leans slightly against his shoulder. _Energy_.

“Give me your number,” Kihyun mutters with his phone already in hand. And Changkyun does. Mostly because Kihyun is so close that Changkyun feels required to obey without thinking about it. “Thanks,” Kihyun says after they exchange numbers. “I’ll text you later or something.” He has Kihyun’s number. Changkyun has Kihyun’s phone number. “Man, I’m actually excited about this…” Kihyun says with a little laugh, making his voice tremble.

“I’m not,” says Hyungwon. “Setting interviews and interviewing is the worst shit ever… I swear.”

“Says the journalist,” Jooheon mocks.

“Don’t worry,” Says Wonho, tilting his head slightly, smiling and pointing at his own cheeks, “I’ll cheer you on!” Everyone stares…  _So cute_.

Hyungwon looks down, “Unfair…” he mutters. “So unfair. I can’t even act like I am dead inside.”

“Never,” Wonho says, tilting his head to the other side and smiling wider. _Cute. Cuter. Cutest._

Changkyun lowers his head and bites at his lower lip. “Maybe… maybe an article entirely about astrophotography would be a good idea. Astrophotography is one of the most popular aspects of modern astronomy. It is also one of the most time consuming. Each photograph requires hours of data capture, and even more hours of data processing. So it’s actually pretty complex but… the results are stunning.”

Hyungwon is already pulling at his laptop. He nods. “Do you think your teachers will be willing to be interviewed by a few of our freshmen?”

“Honestly? I think they’ll shower just for that,” Changkyun admits and everyone laughs.

“And what would the highlight of this be?”

“Well,” Changkyun exchanges a look with Kihyun, “There is nothing like having your telescope out for a long night of imaging, and then working through your newly acquired data to create a beautiful image,” and he can almost hear it, the soft pleased huff Kihyun exhales. _Energy_.

Wonho is clinging over Hyungwon’s shoulder when he glances at Changkyun, “Seriously. If you keep talking like that…” He lets the thought hang. Hyungwon smiles and shakes his head and Changkyun, well, he winks at Wonho and Wonho laughs.

Kihyun punches Changkyun’s shoulder to get his attention and Changkyun winces. He rubs at the spot, lowering his head to look at what Kihyun is examining on his phone. “Look, this camera,” Kihyun hits Changkyun three more times to hurry him closer, “the QSI 683?”

“Yeah, with cooled CCD, deepsky. It’s an intermediate-advanced camera. It takes pretty cool shots.”

Kihyun leans back slightly. “Wow, you just talked dirty to me, I like it.” And Changkyun feels his ears burn and his blood rush to his cheeks. And Kihyun laughs, looking back at his phone, “is this large format?”

“N—No. For that you’d need an FLI, I forgot the model, wait—” Changkyun can hear his heart in his ears when he reaches to grab Kihyun’s phone and scrolls down the website Kihyun is checking. And Kihyun lets him lean closer, doesn’t mind when their fingers touch and Changkyun hurries to look at him and sees Kihyun’s irises blow—just like last time.

“What.” Kihyun asks as if it’s nothing.

Changkyun hands him the phone back. “A PL16803. See?” He points at the screen and withdraws his finger when he notices his hand trembling—goddamn it… he likes him. He likes Kihyun. “Cooled CCD, deepsky, large format.”

Kihyun smiles at his phone and Changkyun feels it: energy, when Kihyun mutters, “Damn, dirty talk is nice.” He likes him. Damn it. Minhyuk is going to kill him. And so is Hyungwon. And maybe Jooheon. Damn it!

 _Energy_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested in what Changkyun and Kihyun will be doing in the next chapter, click [here](http://www.astroeder.com/qsi683ccd_images/).


	4. Entropy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments on this fic (๑♡⌓♡๑)
> 
> Have some aliens on sugar.

Sitting in the backseat of Shownu’s car, Changkyun is starting to freak out. Not because he’s feeling claustrophobic, shoved against the window as he is, with Minhyuk and Jooheon fighting to get into a comfortable position and Kihyun sandwiched between Jooheon and Changkyun— _how did it come to this? It was supposed to be a two people thing_ –Neither because Kihyun smells particularly well, this evening. But because Changkyun is starting to feel like he’s forgotten something, something important.

He glances at his feet to count the number of bags he has brought with him and then turns to look at the bags between Wonho’s legs—Wonho, who’d been incredibly comfortable with being shoved into the back trunk.

“Is everything alright?” Kihyun asks, elbow deep into Jooheon’s ribs when Minhyuk tries to get more space for himself, _again_. Jooheon winces and Kihyun smirks.

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, looking away when Kihyun meets his eyes. Why does Kihyun have to smell so good? Damn it. “Yeah, I just… I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

Kihyun leans a little closer when Jooheon is shoved against him. “I swear to god…” Kihyun says between greeted teeth. “I’m about to kill these two…” Changkyun smiles and watches an angry Kihyun shove Jooheon away and tilt his chin up defyintly when Jooheon turns to glare.

“Bitch,” Jooheon threatnets.

“You called?” Minhyuk asks with a smirk. And Kihyun laughs in his throat.

“Children, behave,” says Hyungwon from the front seat. “If we’re caught, we are all going to jail.” But no one listens. Probably because Hyungwon says it so nonchalantly.

Shownu is driving them to the farm fields outside the city. After all, the last thing they need is the presence of anthropogenic light in the night environment when trying to shoot the starry sky. It’s supposed to be a quick drive, around 30 minutes, but Shownu must go slow because the car is overloaded—and, apparently, being squeezed between other humans like a bunch of canned sardines messes up the flow of time and makes the clock tick slower, Changkyun thinks.

“We checked everything twice,” Kihyun says after a while, like he has suddenly remembered Changkyun is freaking out. “I’m sure everything is fine. Trust me.”

Changkyun is half way nodding when his brain snaps and—the flashlight! He forgot his flashlight—he turns so quickly he doesn’t have time to dodge Kihyun’s forehead when Jooheon suddenly leans on them, making Changkyun’s and Kihyun’s heads clash.

“Shit!” Kihyun hisses but snorts a laugh almost at the same time.

Changkyun lowers his head between his knees, hand to his forehead. “Ohmygod…”

“Wow,” Wonho laughs, “that must have hurt!”

Jooheon tries to reach for Changkyun, “Oh, dude, bro, I am so sorry…” But Kihyun slaps his hand away. “It wasn’t me!” Jooheon says, he’s starting to pout. “It was Minhyuk!”

“What?” Says Minhyuk with a smile on his face. “You were the one trying to dodge my kisses! It’s not my fault you don’t want my love!”

Changkyun raises his head just in time to see Jooheon turn red. “Jooheonie… just… just accept Min’s love and stop trying to kill me…” Changkyun mutters, hand still on his forehead. He feels dizzy. And, wow, he can’t smell Kihyun anymore. Yep, he’s going to die. “Ugh… I wanna vomit.”

“Not in the car!” Comes Shownu’s worried voice. Changkyun meets his eyes through the rear-view mirror. “Do you want me to pull over? We’re almost there.”

“No, come on,” says Kihyun. And Changkyun feels a cool, calming hand at the back of his neck. “Don’t be dramatic.” And the cool hand stays, playing with the baby hairs on Changkyun’s neck, until the car finally rolls to a stop.

It’s chilly outside, especially after being exposed to the heat the seven of them had been amassing inside the vehicle. And, just like the weather forecast had predicted, the sky is clear. Changkyun smiles when he looks up. He breathes. It smells green and fresh. It smells like the night sky.

They’re in the middle of wheat fields that extend until the horizon. There’s a mass of trees nearby, but Changkyun figures it won’t interfere with the shooting. Shownu helps Changkyun carry his many massive bags up to a little clearing ahead, where Minhyuk and Wonho are chasing Jooheon around with their phone lights. Jooheon screams.

Changkyun hadn’t managed to get the telescope he’d wanted. But a Paramount ME and Celestron 14" HD still do a perfect job. Especially if mounted on a Pyxis LE Rotator. Of course, setting up that monstrosity is on a whole different level. And the only person Changkyun trusts enough to help him is currently shitting his pants because Minhyuk has heard something move between the wheat nearby. A lie, of course, but everyone enjoys scaring the shit out of Jooheon.

“It’s really dark,” says Kihyun. He has an Induro tripod in one of his hands, his camera around his neck. He steps closer, eyes searching the fields ahead.

“The moon set about half hour ago and it was just a sliver of a moon,” Changkyun explains, crouching to open one of the bags. He must start at some point, right? He’s seen his teacher mount the thing twice. Twice should be enough. “Which is perfect,” He adds. Stopping when he hears Jooheon scream again, followed by Wonho’s laugh.

“I’m guessing the moon brightens up the sky and pretty much kills the contrast…”

“Yes,” Changkyun concedes. “Light pollution is a bitch too, so… here we are.”

Kihyun kneels next to Changkyun and reaches for one of the bags. “Can I help?” He asks and Changkyun huffs his despair away. “Wow, ok. I’ll help,” Kihyun hurriedly says with a laugh.

It takes them almost 45 minutes to set up the telescope. Kihyun is organized and strictly careful when moving things around. And by the time Changkyun plugs the generator and opens his laptop, the _children_ (Minhyuk, Jooheon and Wonho) have already calmed down and are sitting on the ground nearby, with Shownu and a shivering Hyungwon—a shivering mess Wonho is trying his best to cuddle.

The Paramount ME and QSI 683 wsg camera start being rotated by the Pyxis LE Rotator. A robotic noise that makes everyone, including Changkyun, shiver. It’s a damned thing, a heavy thing, slowly turning around and then up to the sky.

“Oh, _wow_ … That is so cool,” Wonho gasps.

“I shat my pants the first time I saw it,” Jooheon adds.

“I’m shitting my pants now, wah!” says Minhyuk. “What if it gets up and turns against us?”

Changkyun laughs. “What? What do you mean?”

Jooheon pinches Minhyuk’s arm, “Babe… don’t…”

“You know!” Minhyuk braces around, “One day robots will win over humanity!”

Now, that sparks something inside Changkyun. He licks his lips, shoves a hand over Kihyun’s chest to slowly move him so Changkyun can look Minhyuk in the eyes. “No, it depends. First, that would be humanity’s fault.”

“What?” Minhyuk raises his voice and Changkyun feels his eyebrow twitch. “How would it be humanity’s fault?” Changkyun can’t believe Minhyuk is bringing this up again. They’ve had this conversation a million times before and they have never reached consensus, not even once.

“Separating an artificial intelligence from its creator in all forms literally equals revolution.” Everyone is staring but Changkyun goes on because he _must_ go on. “It’s a clear equation. If they interface directly, however, experiencing the world together in some form of symbiosis then… then maybe—”

“Kyunnie,” Jooheon grumbles, “no one cares!”

“Hey,” Minhyuk elbows him. “I care!”

Changkyun is frowning, almost glaring, when he notices a rhythm. He zooms his attention out of the little argument that starts between Jooheon and Minhyuk, eyes snapping at his hand and then Kihyun. Kihyun, whose heart is beating erratically as he stares at the telescope. Kihyun, who is probably unaware he’s holding Changkyun’s hand against his chest.

“Are you…” Changkyun starts, watching Kihyun’s eyes widen slightly as he realizes what he’s doing. “Are you freaking out a little?”

Kihyun lets Changkyun go and takes a step back. “What?” It’s dark, but Changkyun guesses Kihyun’s ears are red. It’s something Kihyun does involuntarily, Changkyun has noticed. Whenever Kihyun is flustered his ears will go red in seconds. “No! It’s just a little creepy, that’s all.”

Changkyun feels warm inside. He quirks an eyebrow. “You realize many telescopes are a lot bigger than this one, right?”

Kihyun quickly busies himself with setting up his tripod. “Yeah, well, I was trying to avoid thinking about it. Thanks for ruining that for me.”

“Anytime,” Changkyun says, smiling and winking when Kihyun glares at him.

“I’ll kick you.”

Changkyun makes a face and has to side step to dodge Kihyun’s foot. “Your camera...” Changkyun starts when Kihyun turns his back on him. “Did you remove the stock IR cut filter? Otherwise it’s not going to work.”

Kihyun sighs. “I am not an amateur, Changkyun. I know what I’m doing.”

“Of course you do.”

“Was that sarcasm I heard?” He asks Changkyun over his shoulder.

“No! No. I meant that.”

Kihyun finishes setting up his camera before he grabs the tripod and moves it closer to the telescope, eyeing the machine once or twice just in case it moves again. “Right.”

“Really!” Changkyun steps closer, this time having to dodge a pinch as he watches Kihyun do that thing, that thing Changkyun really likes, when Kihyun is trying to be mean but can’t help the smile on his face.

“Wow!” Wonho suddenly exclaims, getting everyone’s attention. He pulls Hyungwon closer, eyes shining like diamonds in the darkness, and he points at the sky. “Look at that!” He says. And everyone looks up.

_And..._

When Changkyun turned 16, his father took him to the mountains near their house. That night, they walked out into a clearing and Changkyun remembers being so stunned at the huge cluster of stars sweeping across the sky… That cluster was the Milky Way. His father aimed their point-and-shoot camera skyward, probably hoping to capture that cosmic moment. What he got wasn’t a gorgeous photo, but a disappointing exposure that came out completely black.

Years later, already in college, Changkyun experienced his first decent astrophotography event. A little workshop his teacher had organized.

It’s the first time Changkyun does this on his own. And it’s the first time he’s doing it with friends. Jooheon had always been a big supporter of Changkyun’s love for astronomy and everyone else just seemed to fall in line. But now, with his friends sitting on the ground, quietly looking up in awe as their eyes finally get accustomed to the darkness, Changkyun thinks he really likes what he does and he’s glad he can share the beauty of it with others who, in their own naivity, appreciate the little things with far more enthusiasm than the regular scientist.

“Can you guys really get all that on camera?” Minhyuk asks quietly, likely afraid he’ll break the magic spell everyone is under if he speaks too loudly.

Kihyun looks down, slowly moving towards his camera and pointing it up. He thumbs the power button and his eyes narrow at the sudden light. “Definitely,” he says quietly. Only Changkyun hears him because only Changkyun is paying attention.

“If you want a good star shot you need something interesting in the foreground,” Changkyun mutters, getting a little closer. “You need to have that foreground element to make it a compelling picture.”

“Agreed,” Kihyun mumbles absentmindedly as he changes his camera settings.

“A tree, a car, a building… anything is fine…”

“Yeah, I have a couple of ideas. I thought we could light-paint as well.”

Changkyun blinks. “Light-paint?”

Kihyun smirks but doesn’t look away from his screen. “ _Ohoh_. Alright. I know something you don’t. Finally.”

Changkyun feels his eyebrows knit in a frown. “This is not a competition. There’s plenty I don’t know squats about.”

Kihyun laughs a little. He gives a step back and eyes Changkyun. “Everything is a competition.” And Changkyun’s brain notes that down. Not exactly as a red flag, no. But has a projection for the future. Changkyun doesn’t know what it means. And he knows he won’t know what his instincts are trying to tell him until he’s faced with the actual problem. It’s not the wording, exactly. It’s the tone and that look on Kihyun’s face… like he’s sad but driven at the same time.

There’s tension now and Changkyun can feel it. Like the degradation of the matter and energy in the universe to an ultimate state of inert uniformity. Like the stifling atmosphere right before a thunderstorm and the way everything deflates after the first thunder.

Kihyun probably knows he made everything weird because he quickly blinks that look on his face away, nods at his camera and says, “5D mark 3, aperture wide open.”And Changkyun has no choice but to follow.

“Dirty… What lens are you using?”

“F1.4, ready to soak in all that light. That way I can lower the ISO a little bit.”

“Whatever you say,” Changkyun mumbles, slowly walking towards his laptop. He hits enter and the telescope makes a noise. Everyone startles and Changkyun laughs. “Sorry,” he says. He watches the tiny red light at the bottom of the telescope until it turns green. “Alright, we’re live.” Wonho and Shownu clap their hands and Jooheon owls.

“And what’s that thing doing exactly?” Hyungwon shouts over Jooheon’s owls.

“Star tracking, data collecting and photographing.”

“The focus is killing me,” says Kihyun in between all the noise, eyes on his camera again.

Changkyun looks at him and sees the frown. That stupid little frown Changkyun really wishes he could shove a finger on to see what happens. “Focus to infinity,” he says. “Like, you must focus on one little star, manually.” And there’s silence. Only the telescope purrs. Everything else is quiet. And it lasts. It lasts until…

“Done. I’ll start off with ISO 3200.” Kihyun tells Changkyun without looking at him. “I dialled in a 20-second-long exposure…” And Kihyun clicks the button. “Ok it’s loading.” And they wait.

A lot can happen in twenty seconds. Minhyuk kisses Jooheon on the cheek once, then Jooheon kisses him on the lips and Changkyun averts his eyes. Shownu yawns more than once, but he keeps his eyes trained up, like he’s waiting for something to show in the sky. Wonho lets Hyungwon sit between his legs. Kihyun crosses his arms, tongues the corner of his lip and looks down… and no one, no one except for Shownu and Changkyun, who looks up in the right moment, sees the two shooting stars scratch the dark sky in a hurry right behind them.

“Holy—” Changkyun starts.

“Did you see that?” Shownu finishes.

Minhyuk wiggles. “What? Where?! What did I miss?”

Tiny bits of dust and rock start falling into the Earth's atmosphere, in that moment. Everyone looks to the sky behind them to see the shooting stars. Minhyuk and Jooheon get up from the ground and stare, holding hands. Wonho holds Hyungwon closer. Shownu squeezes his phone in his hand. Kihyun just stares. And Changkyun watches them instead because he’s seen many falling stars before, but he’s never seen _this_. Them. Together. Enjoying something Changkyun loves so much.

And then Kihyun’s camera beeps, screen flashing with light. And Kihyun turns around, hand carefully reaching out and— “Holy shit! Look! What is this?”

Jooheon and Minhyuk rush closer to look over Kihyun’s shoulders and the rest of the guys get up as well. Changkyun has to dig between Jooheon and Minhyuk with his head to look over Kihyun’s shoulder as well.

“That’s the Milky Way,” he says.

Kihyun looks up and then back at his camera. “How—I mean, I know how! But… This is so different from what I’m seeing, I just, I didn’t expect it to look so… bright. Wow…”

“Bro,” Jooheon mutters, leaning his chin on Changkyun’s shoulder. “we should definitely do this more often. That’s crazy cool.”

Hyungwon sighs. “Writing about this will be a pain in the ass. How am I supposed to describe something like this? It’s like the camera is lying. Except I know it isn’t… _Ugh_. I’ll have to slap metaphors all over the place.”

“You know,” Wonho starts. “It feels special doing something like this, doesn’t it?” Everyone looks at him and he hugs Hyungwon from behind, “I don’t know some of you as well as I would like to. But being here, right now, with everyone, feels like… it feels special. And I’m very, very happy.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes but everyone else steps closer, arms open to throw a group hug around Wonho, who laughs like crazy—the happiest silly face Changkyun has ever seen—and Hyungwon who is smiling uncomfortably but still smiling anyway.

“You’re all a waste of good space,” says Kihyun, waving his hands around to shoo everyone away from him. He grabs his tripod and steps back. “Stop being a bunch of cheesy fucks and help me out. I wanna make this perfect. And I will need help.”

“Certainly! What do you need?” Minhyuk asks.

“I wanna bump my ISO to 5000, first. And then I wanna do a light painted frame for the foreground.”

Minhyuk throws a fist in the air. “I have no idea what that means but I’m on it!”

“Just grab your phones and turn the flashlights on. Run around the field. That should work,” Kihyun explains. And that’s what they do.

For the most part, Jooheon runs because he’s scared of moths. He gets in front of Kihyun’s camera a couple of times and Kihyun has to scream at him to move. And after managing to extricate himself from a one-sided argument with Minhyuk about AI and its undue influence on humanity (Minhyuk had held all of the argumentative sides, while Changkyun pretended to listen), Changkyun joins Wonho next to Kihyun.

And Kihyun is yelling a lot because Jooheon keeps messing up his shots. But he’s also smiling a lot because, “Y’all look like aliens on sugar, running around with the flashlights.”

Changkyun balances his phone on top of his head, flashlight up, and jumps in front of Kihyun’s camera. “Like this?”

“Bitch!” Kihyun shouts frowning when the screen flashes.

“You called?” Minhyuk shouts back—seriously that guy’s selective hearing…

Kihyun’s frown quickly disappears, he grabs his camera and tries to shove a prying Changkyun away from him. “No, you can’t. I’ll share everything once I manage to select the ones I like!”

“But!” Changkyun pouts. “I just _aliened_ myself for you!”

“Oh god, shut up. You’re embarrassing me.”

Wonho throws his head back and laughs. “Oh, Changkyunnie, don’t stop. He secretly likes it when people annoy the shit out of him.”

“What?” Kihyun shouts. An arm between him and Changkyun. “No, I don’t!” He shoves Changkyun away again. “Go!” And Changkyun spins towards Wonho like the dramatic little shit he knows he is.

Moments later, everyone is tired. It’s already past 2am and Changkyun’s phone is running out of battery. They’ve been there for a few hours, long enough for the QSI 683 to have captured bright, pretty things. It will take a lot of homework to bring colour to those images, but Changkyun can’t wait to spend the next few hours on it.

Changkyun is already packing his things when Kihyun kneels next to him, probably intending to help him out but not really knowing where to start without the proper instructions. “Today was fun,” he mutters, probably in lack of anything better to say. “Thank you for the opportunity. I guess I can finally say I’ve experienced a lot more than my colleagues, thanks to you.”

Changkyun smiles at the little lens in his hand. “Yeah, well… whenever you wanna do cheesy photography sessions, hit me up.”

Kihyun laughs. “Ahhhh, yeah I did say this was cheesy, didn’t I?”

“You did.”

“Well… it’s, I mean, it’s cool. It’s actually really cool.” He scoffs, “To think you and I met in a party… ridiculous.” And Changkyun freezes. It’s the first time Kihyun is addressing the party so directly. And somehow Changkyun doesn’t like Kihyun’s tone, instincts flaring again, screaming at him to read the atmosphere carefully.

But of course, Changkyun’s mouth is way too fast for his subconscious to catch up with it, “Why? What does that have to do with this?” He raises his head and locks eyes with Kihyun. Kihyun who is blinking, aware he's said the wrong thing. Aware it is too late to turn back, now.

“Well, people like you don’t—”

“People like me?”

“You know what I mean…”

Changkyun closes his eyes and sighs. “People like me like hanging out. They like going to parties. They like making friends. They like falling in love and believe me, it looks nothing like the romances in The Big Bang Theory. They like traveling. They like to chat about silly things, too.” He finishes packing his things and looks up. “People like me are people like you.” _People like me like you, idiot._

Kihyun blinks once. Twice. “But… with your potential, won’t some of those things get in your way?” It sounds like he’s quoting someone, especially because it sounds like he doesn’t really believe what he’s saying.

Changkyun laughs a little. “I am pretty sure I can do both.” He grabs a few bags and rises to both feet. “Whoever told you those are incompatible really needs a wake-up call.”

And there it is again. That sad, sad expression Kihyun thinks he can hide with a smile. It makes Changkyun’s chest hurt. It makes him want to move when his muscles have turned to stone. He likes him. He really likes Kihyun. Because he’s beautiful, yes. And because, despite the abrasive surface, he cares and loves and feels as much as everyone else—if not more. And Changkyun knows because he’s seen it in the little things Kihyun does. The caring, loving, feeling Kihyun was the first (Kihyun) Changkyun met that night in the party.

“You say the weirdest things,” Kihyun mumbles, hand reaching to relieve Changkyun from one of the bags. And as Kihyun passes him by he says, “Wish we could’ve met a few years ago. Maybe then…” and he doesn’t finish.

Changkyun stands in the middle of the clearing, watching the others run back to the car. The words ‘maybe then’ echoing in his head. Maybe then… maybe then _what?_ But when he turns around to ask, Kihyun is already too far away.

Chances are, nothing will come out of it. Because that’s all they were supposed to be in the first place: a kiss (more than one). And what they are now is but an entropy, a general trend of the universe toward death and disorder. Not quite friends, but friends nonetheless. Not quite something, not quite nothing.

 _Maybe then, if only, what if_ … the words nightmares are made of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first shot Kihyun took with his camera, [here](https://i.gyazo.com/6c0bc8b5318b408137c6c2432ad13dee.png).
> 
> Next up: Chapter 5 (Kihyun's pov).


	5. Circumpolar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a story to tell here but I don't want to rush it.  
> This chapter is a lot lighter since it's Kihyun's pov. I wanted to differentiate it, like, Changkyun thinks things over and over and over in his head and goes all philosophical on your ass while Kihyun is more of a feel-it-do-it guy (obviously he also overthinks, but not as profoundly as Changkyun). Does that make any sense? Ugh, Idk anymore...  
> With that in mind, however, let's just enjoy dorks being dorks for now. 
> 
> Every PNG Changkyun sends is a link. Click if you want to see the photos they took.

“Watch out!”

Kihyun raises his eyes when Hoseok throws his slipper all the way across the bedroom to smash the tiny spider on the wall. As expected the spider escapes, and the wall is now stained with the shape of Hoseok’s slipper. Kihyun closes his eyes and sighs. He decides to concentrate on his laptop again. He’s been trying to select a few photos for the article on astrophotography, but he’s having a hard time because: 1) Jooheon messed up half his shots; 2) Kihyun can’t decide what he likes best; 3) maybe he should ask for Changkyun’s opinion, but he doesn’t feel like texting the kid any time soon—as if Changkyun would want to talk to Kihyun, anyway. Their last conversation had been borderline weird, and it had been Kihyun’s fault.

With a sigh, he fixes the laptop over his lap. He uncrosses his legs and crosses them the other way around. _Kihyun, you piece of shit_ , he thinks to himself as if to avoid going down the overthinking path. _Get over yourself_.

“Shownu!” Hoseok shouts, “There! Behind you!” They have been like this for the past twenty minutes. Kihyun is starting to think that tiny spider is smarter than those two bags of sand. “No!! Why!! How does it keep escaping!? It’s just a spider!”

“Don’t you have bug spray downstairs?” asks Hyunwoo in that stupid, innocent voice Kihyun hates so much. “I could go get it. You stay watchful.”

“No! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! We are out of spray!”

“Wonho, if we keep this up your mother is going to kill us. Look at the walls…”

“I can wash the walls!”

Kihyun tongues the corner of his lips, finger tapping softly on the keyboard. The foreground on some of the photos looks slightly grainy. He opens photoshop again. Time to do some overlay. He selects the background, hits command J, selects a Surface Blur filter, increases the radius and—

“Wonho, don’t—”

Kihyun looks up again, just in time to see Hoseok spray a bunch of deodorant all over the wall. He gapes, “What the fuck are you doing?” He can’t believe he is friends with these two. He’s trying to work and they’re… they’re… “Are you trying to intoxicate us?”

Hoseok looks at Kihyun and pouts. “It’s the spider, Ki! It won’t die!”

With an eyeroll that physically hurts more than it causes effect, Kihyun shovels his laptop over Hoseok’s bed where he’d been sitting for the past 2 hours and gets up. He grabs the glass of water atop the desk, drinks everything in one go, rubs his hand across his chin to clean that small water drop and then slams the glass upside-down over the spider on the wall. “Paper,” he demands. Glaring at Hoseok, watching him run for one of his notebooks.

“Will this do?” He asks, tearing a whole sheet apart.

“Whatever. Bring it here,” Kihyun mutters, slapping the paper out of Hoseok’s hands once he is close enough. And then, slowly, Kihyun slides the paper underneath the glass, aware the glass is still wet. And when the tiny spider falls in, Kihyun turns the glass, moves towards the open window and throws it out. “There,” he says. “You’re safe.” He was totally talking to the spider, not those two murdering fluffy titans. But, of course, Hoseok’s stupid brain leaps over the possibility of that small spider being more scared of him than he is of it

He throws his arms around Kihyun and says, “Thank you!”

Kihyun pats Hoseok’s massive bicep— _ugh, so touchy-feely_. “There, there,” Kihyun says as if he means it. And there he is, counting the seconds until Hoseok lets go, when he notices Hyunwoo by the corner of his eye. Kihyun looks him up and down. They lock eyes for a moment and Kihyun feels his ears go red when he frowns, looks away and opens his other arm. “Fine, come on. _Ugh_ , I hate you all.” And Hyunwoo probably smiles—Kihyun doesn’t know, he’s not looking—when he joins the hug.

“No,” Hoseok laughs. “No, you don’t.” No, Kihyun doesn’t hate them. It’s just easier to say that he does than to express the entire opposite—aka his feelings. Not that Kihyun isn’t good at expressing himself. In fact, he is very good. He just hates the emotional whiplash that comes with it, that’s all.

“Well,” Hyunwoo starts once they finally let go, “great family reunion, but I have to go.”

Hoseok gapes, “What? You’re not staying for dinner? I told my mother you were staying!”

Hyunwoo shakes his head and smiles, “Sorry. No can do. Not this time.”

Hoseok doesn’t even try to argue or use his strangely misplaced manipulative skills to convince Hyunwoo otherwise, instead turning his attention to Kihyun. “What about you?”

Kihyun wanders off towards the bed and sits. He pulls his laptop over his lap and stares at the screen. His heart goes from resting to jackhammering against his chest. “Actually, I…” He wanders off, eyes narrowing, brain scattering.

And maybe Hoseok understands. Maybe in that clumsy, bubbly brain of his something clicks and then he says, “I told my mother you were staying for dinner, too,” He smiles when Kihyun finally looks up. “So, stay?” And once again, like many other times before, Kihyun is glad he doesn’t have to go home.

He stays. And he’s happy to stay. Because Hoseok is good company. Because Hoseok is very enthusiastic whenever Kihyun boasts. Because they bicker but Kihyun loves bickering over trivial things. Because Hoseok is cringey and Kihyun hates it but loves it at the same time. Because Hoseok’s mother is very sweet and never argues when Kihyun wants to help in the kitchen. Because Kihyun likes feeling comfortable in his own skin and there, unlike at home, no one expects from him more than he can give. Because there he is just Kihyun.

And Kihyun likes photography. He likes playing the piano—whatever Hoseok manages to teach him—and the guitar. He likes tidy and clean places—which is why he knows he will be the one cleaning those stains on the walls. He likes perfumes. He likes dancing. He likes singing. He likes being praised. He likes his small (recently improved) group of friends. He likes laughing. He likes cooking. And he likes… Kihyun likes his family a lot. He does… but…

But.

Hoseok sees Hyunwoo out and is back in the bedroom within a few minutes. He brings two glasses of coke with him and hands one over to Kihyun before sitting down on the bed, too. They drink quietly. Kihyun pressing a few keys on his laptop, hoping to, at least, finish what he’d started. Hoseok just going through his phone and smiling whenever it buzzes with a new text—probably from Hyungwon.

“I can feel the lovey-dovey aura poking my shoulder, tone it down,” Kihyun says after minutes of listening to Hoseok’s giggles.

Hoseok’s reply is to smack a pillow into Kihyun’s face. Obviously, Kihyun catches the pillow an inch before it hits him and throws it back, but harder.

“ _Ouch_. How the hell can you make a fucking pillow hurt a person?”

“What can I say, it’s a gift.”

“I thought your bully days were over.”

Kihyun flinches. He feels his eyebrow twitch slightly. He’s not sure how to take that jab, if playfully, if defensively. He thinks it over quickly before Hoseok notices he's hurt Kihyun’s feelings. He decides to go for a mix of both and says, “Nobody told you to be a goody two shoes. Yet here you are. And you don’t see me complaining.”

Hoseok snorts, “Not right now, at least.” Well, he’s got Kihyun there.

And Kihyun takes advantage of the light conversation to ask, “Can I spend the night?”

“You mean… sleep?”

“Yeah.”

Hoseok takes the empty glass from Kihyun’s hand and shifts slightly to place it next to his over the bedside table. “Of course you can… but… I mean, it’s been a while. Is everything alright?”

Kihyun doesn’t look up, instead deciding to pick at a hangnail. “Everything is fine.”

“How are things between you and your family?”

“Fine.”

“Yoo Kihyun,” Hoseok warns, voice deep.

Kihyun frowns. “Those words genuinely fill me with dread. _What_.”

“It’s your name!”

“Yes, I’m aware.” He glances up and sees Hoseok roll his eyes. Kihyun smirks slightly and slaps his laptop shut. “You worry too much,” he mutters.

Hoseok leans back. “I wish I didn’t. You never tell me anything, anyway. And I bet you spill all your dark secrets to Shownu…”

Kihyun tongues the corner of his lips and laughs. “Are you jealous?”

“Depends,” Hoseok looks over, “is it true?”

“No.”

“Then I’m not jealous.”

  
_He’s fine._

 

Before dinner, Kihyun helps in the kitchen.

During dinner, they chat about every trivial thing they can think of and Hoseok’s mother laughs at their jokes. Hoseok’s jokes kind of suck—probably because he’s learned them all from Hyunwoo. Like, “What do you call an alligator in a vest?”, Hoseok asks and replies almost within the same second, laughing louder than usual, “An investigator!” And Kihyun wants to judge, but he’s feeling a hint of a smile pulling at his lips before he gives in and laughs as well.

After dinner, Hoseok takes a shower and Kihyun waits in bed, looking over his photos one more time and sighing every now and then. There’s a lump forming in his throat and he can’t tell why. It’s arguably the time to feel emotionally vulnerable when he is supposed to be fine.

  
_He’s fine._

  
Kihyun feels the bed bounce a little when Hoseok sits down, towel hanging around his neck, hair soaked because the little—well, not little but—whatever—the little shit always forgets he needs to dry his hair before he gets out of the bathroom or he’s going to get sick, _again_.

With a loud sigh, as if he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, Kihyun scoots closer, grabs Hoseok’s towel and shoves it over his head. “You’re dripping,” Kihyun states.

Hoseok laughs and looks over. “Yeah?” He squeezes his eyes shut, lips drawing a thin line and he leans closer. Kihyun doesn’t have enough time to react when Hoseok moves the towel away and shakes his head so fast he drizzles everything around him, Kihyun and his laptop included.

“Do I need to say everything twice to you?” Kihyun grumbles, rubbing his face, closing his laptop and then leaning back far enough to curl his legs up and throw his feet at Hoseok’s back. “You’re dripping! Move!” No matter how much strength Kihyun applies, though, Hoseok doesn’t move an inch. Instead, he laughs. And laughs. And laughs. _Ugh_.

“This is my bed, you know? If someone needs to move, that someone is you.”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

Kihyun is watching the ceiling, feet still pressed against Hoseok’s back. The fabric of Hoseok’s shirt feeling smooth against his bare skin. Kihyun probably dozes off for a few seconds, eyelids heavy, but then Hoseok snaps his fingers in front of Kihyun’s eyes.

“Let’s dye our hair again,” Hoseok says, face peeking by the corner of Kihyun’s field of vision. “I’m tired of brown. I want something a bit more edgy.”

Kihyun blinks himself awake. “Again?”

Hoseok tilts his head, fingers reaching to touch Kihyun’s bangs. “Well, the purple is starting to fade. A shame, it really suited you. But going for purple again… I don’t know. I actually have this great idea—”

“Hoseok,” Kihyun slaps his friend’s hand away, “dyeing my hair purple earned me the biggest dressing-down I’ve had all my life. Please, don’t get any weird ideas. I know I am going to like them and I know I will end up doing it and… and my father might just shave my head next time. I like my hair where it is, thank you very much.”

“Your father needs to understand we are fashionable people.”

Kihyun spits a laugh. “Sure, you tell him that.”

“Do you think I can do it over text? He’s a bit scary in person…”

“Oh god, shut up,” Kihyun grumbles and laughs at the same time. “Your voice is annoying.”

“But you love my voice,” Hoseok singsongs mid head tilt.

Kihyun sits up and stares. “Eat a bag of dicks.”

“Sorry,” Hoseok laughs and sits further back, “I don’t share that kink of yours.”

Kihyun gapes. “What kink? Why are you—why are we even—ugh! I’m telling Hyungwon.”

“Certainly. Tell him about how much you want me to eat a ba—” Hoseok doesn’t finish because Kihyun throws a hand over his mouth.

“Yes, yes. A banana. Now shut up.” Kihyun lets Hoseok go and cracks his laptop open again. Out of the 67 photographs Kihyun made that night, he’s managed to select 6. And he really needs that number reduced to 3 by the end of tonight. “Wait, let me finish what I was doing… one second—okay. Done. Now,” he glances at Hoseok, “you have 6 photos. Pick 3.”

Hoseok crosses his arms and leans closer. “ _Hmmmmm_ …”

“I would appreciate it if you could do this quietly.”

“Right. Sorry.” Hoseok blinks a few times, eyes carefully searching each photo as Kihyun shows them one by one. And then, Hoseok frowns. “Hey… is that…” Kihyun already knows what Hoseok is going to ask before he finishes that thought. Yet another subject Kihyun would rather avoid, if he could. But of course, he can’t. “Is that Kyunnie?”

“Yes. The little shit decided it would be fun to play dumb in front of my lens,” Kihyun explains. “It… turned out ok, I guess…” It’s a cute photo. But no way in hell Kihyun is going to admit to that. Not willingly at least.

“Aw, you should send him these… maybe he can help? ‘Cause, I mean, I like them all… what can I say…” Hoseok scratches his cheek, a sheepish smile on his face.

Kihyun sighs. “Do I really have to?” He mutters, only then realizing he’s said it out loud and quickly regretting it. No one needs an open window into his problems. Definitely not this problem.

“Why not? You guys are friends, right?” Kihyun doesn’t look up. He doesn’t know what kind of face he’s making right now. And Hoseok goes on, sensibly, tone slightly lower than before. “We, uh, you haven’t said anything, so I don’t really know, I didn’t want to assume… but after what happened at the party… I thought…” He pauses when Kihyun lowers his head farther down. “Ki… did you screw it up? Please tell me you didn’t screw it up…”

Kihyun swallows, his throat is dry. “I might have done that, yes…”

“What did you do?”

“I might have insinuated that… ugh…”

“Kihyun…” Hoseok warns, again. Kihyun hates it when Hoseok does that.

“I might have insinuated that future dalliances are forever impossible. Which isn’t a lie, you know? I have more things on my mind than a growing crush.” Kihyun mutters at full speed, not wanting to waste another minute on the subject.

Hoseok, however, needs answers. “What the fuck… You like him!?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “No. I just told you I—”

“Fine! _Aish_. You’re so technical with these things. You have a crush on him?”

“I heard those words but what do they mean?”

“Kihyun!”

“Yes! Yes. Whatever. What do you want me to say?” Kihyun lets his back fall against the wall and then he sinks. He can feel the heat in his ears. “I like his face.” And his voice. And his weirdness. And his brain. _Ugh_. Thinking about it makes Kihyun uncomfortable. He releases a slow, shaky breath, taking stock of what he is meant to do in this situation. Nothing comes to mind.

Hoseok sighs, shakes his head, then sighs again. “Changkyun deserves better than you.”

“On that we can agree.”

“I hope he knows he deserves better.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem…”

Hoseok aims an abysmal stare at Kihyun before he heaves a sigh and gets up. “Kihyun. Text Changkyun, right now.”

Kihyun scoffs to the side. “What? Why? We just agreed that this is a bad idea.”

“You’re…” Hoseok seems to be struggling with his words, or his emotions, he suddenly looks very constipated. “You. I’m. You don’t get it!” He huffs and Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “Just text him.”

“No.”

“Kihyun,” Hoseok glares, “do I need to tell Shownu you’re being an ass again?”

_Fine._

“Fine,” Kihyun says as he reaches for his phone. “I’ll text him.” And Hoseok smiles. _Ugh_.

Kihyun stares at the screen, fingers hovering over Changkyun's chat window. He thinks about what to say, his brows furrowing in the process. Then, he decides he’d rather not think about it and starts typing.

\--

**-Changkyun-**

**Me:**  
Hey  
You up?

 **Changkyun:**  
barely  
whats up

 **Me:**  
I need your help with something  
I asked Hoseok but  
He’s useless

 **Changkyun:**  
lay it on me

 **Me:**  
I’m gonna send you like  
6 photos  
For the paper  
Magazine  
Whatever  
Pick 3

 **Changkyun:**  
oh  
true  
i kinda wanted to talk to u about that  
but i didnt know if it was okay  
to text u i mean

 **Me:**  
Of course it’s ok  
What did you need?  
Also, please capitalize your Is  
It’s bothering me

**Changkyun:**   
[ _SENT«PNG: cosmicfart1»_ ](https://i.gyazo.com/2d6936fc798c1dbeef58c520ed02976b.png)  
_[SENT«PNG: cosmicfart2»](https://i.gyazo.com/b72c0f7d6bfbd1288532cdaec79a439a.png) _

**Me:**  
Judging  
Hard

 **Changkyun:**  
already hard? kinky

 **Me:**  
…

 **Changkyun:**  
just open them  
you’ll get it  
also send ur stuff

**Me:**  
_SENT«6 PNG FILES»_

 **Changkyun:**  
ASDFGHJKLKWJDJBEFK  
KIHYUN  
WTF  
HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK  
ICANTPI CK

 **Me:**  
Shit  
Did I break you?

 **Changkyun:**  
SO F MUCH  
OKAY WAIT  
oh look its me

 **Me:**  
Shit  
I just saw your cosmic farts  
Wait  
That came out wrong

 **Changkyun:**  
LMAO

 **Me:**  
Seriously… this is great  
Hyungwon needs to see these, Changkyun

 **Changkyun:**  
1 sec

  
\--

**-TRINITY FORCE-**   
_Changkyun, Hyungwon, You_   
_-Changkyun added you-_  
_-Changkyun named the conversation TRINITY FORCE-_

 **Changkyun:**  
YALL

 **Me:**  
Oh  
Okay

 **Hyungwon:**  
What is this  
Why am I here  
Suddenly our pc is a gc?

 **Changkyun:**  
calm down hyungwon  
no need to have an existential crisis rn  
_[SENT«PNG: cosmicfart1»](https://i.gyazo.com/2d6936fc798c1dbeef58c520ed02976b.png)_  
_[SENT«PNG: cosmicfart2»](https://i.gyazo.com/b72c0f7d6bfbd1288532cdaec79a439a.png)_

 **Me:**  
Changkyun  
Have you picked?

 **Hyungwon:**  
Wow okay  
This looks cool  
But I have a question  
Trinity force?  
Really?

 **Changkyun:**  
look this article is going to be the bomb  
the 3 of us  
will deliver

 **Me:**  
Changkyun

 **Changkyun:**  
yes yes, so demanding god  
Ive picked (capitalized just for you)

 **Me:**  
Good job. Want a treat?

 **Hyungwon:**  
Kihyun take your kinks somewhere else pls

 **Me:**  
What kinks  
Seriously, you and Hoseok belong together

 **Hyungwon:**  
I’ll assume he burnt you good

 **Me:**  
Stfu

 **Changkyun:**  
so demanding…  
here  
_[SENT«PNG 2»](https://i.gyazo.com/db20d6805fc357681b526f4a9c9f480f.png)_  
_[SENT«PNG 5»](https://i.gyazo.com/f964316c1cda8396f8ad7b50e9f927e7.png)_  
[_SENT«PNG 6»_](https://i.gyazo.com/9789d9a9042f185ab2f253f0d97434e7.png)  
Im totally biased because hey  
thats me  
but I look cute

 **Me:**  
True  
I’ll allow

 **Changkyun:**  
…  
great

 **Hyungwon:**  
I will just pretend I didn’t see that

 **Me:**  
See what

 **Hyungwon:**  
He’s not even aware… Cute.

 **Changkyun:**  
I knooooow

 **Me:**  
???

 **Hyungwon:**  
So many photos.  
Is this Christmas?

 **Changkyun:**  
so proud of us  
we should totally do this more often

 **Hyungwon:**  
Do invite me again if you do

 **Changkyun:**  
of course  
everyone needs to go

 **Me:**  
Except Jooheon

 **Changkyun:**  
what why

 **Me:**  
He ruined 33 photos, Changkyun…

 **Changkyun:**  
I just told him  
he says hello btw  
also that he’s sorry  
its so weird that I can hear you say my name inside my head  
when you write it like that  
so weird

 **Me:**  
You’re the weird one, Changkyun  
You’re with Jooheon right now?  
It’s late

 **Changkyun:**  
were roommates : )  
and pls stop its triggering me

 **Me:**  
Changkyun  
Changkyun  
Changkyun  
Changkyun

 **Changkyun:**  
stop Ill cry

 **Hyungwon:**  
ANYWAY  
We have enough photos  
I can finally start thinking about the format

 **Changkyun:**  
YEAH NOW WRITE TILL YOU DROP DEAD  
Im going now cuz guess whos got an exam tomorrow

 **Me:**  
An exam?  
For real?  
Good luck

 **Changkyun:**  
THANKS gtg

 **Hyungwon:**  
Youth… fleeting. Passing. Youth.

 **Me:**  
…  
Wtf are you on

 **Hyungwon:**  
Thankfully not the same as you  
Ohohoh  
Ohohoh  
Not replying?  
You know  
I know you’re reading this  
Rat  
Yes, ignore me Kihyun… but I see you lurking  
Kihyun, you’ll never be as beautiful as I

  
**Me:**  
Die

 **Hyungwon:**  
Knew it

  
\--

**-Changkyun-**

**Changkyun:**  
: )

 **Me:**  
?

 **Changkyun:**  
: )))))))))))))))

 **Me:**  
Are you broken again?

 **Changkyun:**  
I have a question

 **Me:**  
I thought you were going to sleep…

 **Changkyun:**  
I am  
But I have to ask  
we cool?  
like… it’s not weird right

 **Me:**  
Tbh I thought it was going to be a bit weird  
After what I said  
Sorry  
But it will be fine  
Don’t worry

 **Changkyun:**  
SOOOOO not weird?

 **Me:**  
Not weird

 **Changkyun:**  
great so I can totally text u?  
even if its not about the article?

 **Me:**  
Totally  
I mean, as long as you don’t spam  
I hate spam.

 **Changkyun:**  
noted  
ooof  
okay good talk  
I was trying to play it cool but yeah

 **Me:**  
I noticed

 **Changkyun:**  
time to go  
exam

 **Me:**  
What time?

 **Changkyun:**  
: )))))))  
9am

 **Me:**  
Go to sleep.

 **Changkyun:**  
are u saying or are u demanding

 **Me:**  
Which one will get you going?

 **Changkyun:**  
UHHHHHH DEPENDS

 **Me:**  
… which one will get you going in the not kinky way  
Ugh  
I’m surrounded by idiots

 **Changkyun:**  
: ))))))) demanding?  
ull never guess which

 **Me:**  
Go to sleep. Right now.

 **Changkyun:**  
going  
gone  
great photos btw  
ure really good  
u should like do it more often  
gone

\--

Kihyun feels himself let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. For some reason, he feels tired. He squints blearily at the bedside clock and realizes it’s later than he’d thought.

  
_He’s fine._

  
_They’re fine._

  
Kihyun is fine. Even when his phone buzzes hours later, just a few minutes before 12pm, and Kihyun startles awake. Hoseok is still sleeping next to him—ew, they fell asleep next to each other, ew, Hyungwon does that too, ew…

\--

** -Changkyun- **

**Changkyun:**  
while I might have aced the shit out of that exam  
I might have also forgotten to write my name on it  
which means  
yeah you guessed

 **Me:**  
I am going to slap you

 **Changkyun:**  
: )  
Im free rn

 **Me:**  
Can you retake it?

 **Changkyun:**  
yeah thankfully  
but like I said  
Im free for that slap

\--

And that is the absolute last thing Kihyun wants right now. Or ever. So, he just rolls over, throws Hoseok out of the bed, pushes his face deep into the pillow and groans. He’s not fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note to self: never write group chat convos for a fic ever again, it's a pain in the ass to edit.
> 
> Space dork Changkyun will be back in the next chapter ʢᵕᴗᵕʡ


	6. Quasars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, time to start spilling the beans—the gays—the problems, Idk.

It has been theorized that most large galaxies contain a supermassive central black hole with mass extending from millions to billions of solar masses. In quasars and other types of luminous active galactic nucleus, the black hole is enclosed by a gaseous accretion disk. As gas in the accretion disk falls toward the black hole, energy is released in the form of electromagnetic radiation.

Some quasar host galaxies are strongly interacting or merging galaxies. And, wow, has anyone seen galaxies merge? Changkyun has. In a simulation video the National Astronomical Observatory of Japan had shared with the world a few years back.

Yes, not much, but enough for someone who understands the physics involved to feel a strange, rapid chill run through their body.

Two different gravitationally bound systems of stars, stellar remnants, interstellar gases, dust, and dark matter colliding, some never touching. Merging, scattering, imploding, exploding, a never-ending natural phenomenon that makes Changkyun sink in his chair when he thinks about it.

One day, too, the sky will change. One day, too, the Sun will eat them alive. And wherever humanity is, if not here, on Earth, then somewhere across the galaxy, Andromeda will descend on the Milky Way like the wrath of Heaven and forever change the map of stars Changkyun knows by heart.

The stars involved are sufficiently far apart that it is improbable that any of them will individually collide. And some will be ejected from the resulting galaxy. Still, a darkly beautiful phenomenon… One Changkyun wishes he could witness in real time—a far-fetched idea, yes, but a man can dream.

Just like… just like when worlds collide, Changkyun thinks between a heave of a sigh. He’s been studying theory for far too long; his brain is getting mushy and philosophical.

It’s a lot, sometimes, for someone like Changkyun. Someone who believes, someone who sees and feels more than what his five senses can grasp. Still, if anything, his love for science has only strengthened his principles.

Usually, Jooheon is Changkyun’s personal diary. Changkyun studies, overthinks, then pours his heart out and Jooheon listens to Changkyun as if drinking his every word.

Today, however, Changkyun is alone. Jooheon, Minhyuk and Hyungwon are out, probably having fun, while Changkyun mules over his notes, his headphones pounding upbeat music into his ears. He has a multiple-choice assessment in two days, and he needs to ace the shit out of it.

It’s been hard, lately. Even when Changkyun works his ass off, sometimes there are problems he can’t solve. Shit piles up by the end of the week and he stresses for days until he finally manages to catch up. Not to mention he will have the retake last week’s exam because he forgot to write his name on the assessment sheet.

Changkyun scoffs, nose digging inside his red hoodie. Such trivialities compared to the rest of the universe. _Damn it_ , he wants to cry. He really needs some grounding as soon as possible or his soul is going to fly out of his body.

He reaches for his phone and his heart flipflops inside his chest when he sees the texts roll up on the screen, as if Jooheon had guessed Changkyun needed a quick pick-me-up. _The best bro_.

\--

**-Broohoney-**

**Broohoney:**  
bro  
it’s a downpour  
we are on the way back  
I swear I heard a thunder just a few mins ago

 **Me:**  
sorry to hear that

 **Broohoney:**  
how is that studying of yours going

 **Me:**  
: ))))  
the dying part in particular is going pretty well

 **Broohoney:**  
shit you need me ma bro

 **Me:**  
: (  
yes  
theres a quasar in my brain dude

 **Broohoney:**  
there’s a what

 **Me:**  
a quasar bro

 **Broohoney:**  
I will never understand some of the shit you say  
but dw bro I will kick that quasar into the next quadrant

 **Me:**  
:OOOOOO  
BRO

 **Broohoney:**  
yeah ik I am so proud of that one  
damn I feel smart

 **Me:**  
come here  
I will make you smarter ; )

 **Broohoney:**  
omw  
we just stopping for coffee  
I’m bringing you a latte

 **Me:**  
: )  
luv is the name  
luv is the answer  
luv is the air we breathe  
luv is the drug  
luv is the feel I have for uuuuu

 **Broohoney:**  
I feel loved and disturbed  
pls stop

\--

Changkyun stretches and then lets his body go limp. His forehead meets the table with a loud thud and he lets out a sigh. Changkyun feels numb. Like someone stabbed him in the heart with anaesthesia. But that’s what astronomy does to him when he studies for hours and hours without taking a break.

By all means, space stuff is awesome: stars, explosions that just don’t stop exploding; pulsars, city-size atoms that beam death rays through the galaxy; giant molecular clouds, beautiful and tranquil, but also screaming vortices spitting stars into the cosmos; and quasars, the fire-breathing bat-winged vampire rainbow zebra unicorns of astrophysical phenomena.

But when it comes down to the actual science behind black holes, Changkyun can feel his brain split. Forget Hawking radiation. Forget string theory. Forget quantum. To treat gravity Einsteinially rather than Newtonianially is confusing him more than helping. If thermodynamics was a mess of a thing to study, this is 100 times worse.

Changkyun groans and straightens up. He glances at his laptop and feels his will to live dissipate a bit more when he reads the word ‘blazars’ on his quizlet. _Blazars, the ultimate succ_ , he thinks. Even parsecs away, these massive black holes manage to suck the living soul out of him.

And, well, Changkyun is not going back to studying. Not after his phone buzzes again, this time with texts under the name ‘Kihyun’.

\--

** -Kihyun- **

**Kihyun:**  
Quick question, Mr. Astronomy  
What’s your take on time travel

 **Me:**  
quick question akjbjwbefk  
ure funny ha ha ha  
my brain is dead idk but why do u ask

 **Kihyun:**  
I just wanna shut these people up  
Thank you for replying so quickly

 **Me:**  
what  
what people

 **Kihyun:**  
I have annoying classmates  
That’s all  
Okay, actually…  
They’re annoying and I am tired and  
I wanna show off.

 **Me:**  
cute  
but  
what does that have to do with time travel?

 **Kihyun:**  
Have you watched Predestination?

 **Me:**  
Im assuming thats a movie

 **Kihyun:**  
So the answer is no  
Sad, sad, sad Changkyun…

 **Me:**  
: (((((((

 **Kihyun:**  
Watch it  
It’s good  
Very good  
It’s about time travel  
Time paradoxes and  
Yeah, philosophy  
You’ll like it.  
Anyway, time travel  
Anything comes up in that smart useless brain of yours?

 **Me:**  
smart useless  
I feel a contradiction here  
and well Idk  
the laws of physics are equations of motion so  
its all just a bunch of  
mathematical rules that dictate how systems evolve in time

 **Kihyun:**  
Speak human pls

 **Me:**  
jhefjhebfb  
basically the laws in physics can be used to  
predict how the universe will evolve  
into the future  
multiple times even  
they are deterministic  
but it doesnt work the other way around  
determinism in the forward time direction  
does not guarantee that  
the same laws can perfectly predict the past  
so in that sense the whole time travel seems like  
a very sciencye fictionye idea  
honestly I cant really get into this without  
vomiting a bunch of useless shit at you  
shitty brain : (((((( complicated subject

 **Kihyun:**  
So you don’t believe in time travel?

 **Me:**  
: ))))))))  
just because my field of work tells me I might not be able to do it  
and I underline MIGHT NOT  
doesnt mean I dont believe in it

 **Kihyun:**  
You  
Are  
A complicated person  
But thank you  
The word-vomit was useful

 **Me:**  
no pls keep talking  
I dont wanna go back to studying

 **Kihyun:**  
Oh  
Sorry  
I didn’t know you were studying  
I should have asked first  
Sorry

 **Me:**  
omg its fine  
dont goooooooooo  
helloooooooo  
its meeeeeee  
ive been wondering if after all these years ud like to meet

 **Kihyun:**  
Changkyun

 **Me:**  
yeah say my name

 **Kihyun:**  
…  
You know I was considering your case  
Now I am not. Bye.

 **Me:**  
I WAS JOKING OMG  
ure so easy to tease  
every time  
u get flustered CUUUUTE

 **Kihyun:**  
You are  
THIS close

 **Me:**  
you keep saying that  
but I am still waiting for that slap

 **Kihyun:**  
You little shit  
If you fail your exams…

 **Me:**  
all under control  
I wont fail  
Im a quick learner

 **Kihyun:**  
For some reason  
Talking to you through text always ends up with me walking into your double meaning traps

 **Me:**  
shit im caught

 **Kihyun:**  
Correct capitalization of I, pls

 **Me:**  
yes mom  
so what are you doing

 **Kihyun:**  
Pls don’t call me that  
It’s weird  
And well I am in the library… stressing  
At least these idiots have stopped talking about time travel  
And I managed to show off

 **Me:**  
what are they talking about now

 **Kihyun:**  
Flowers  
Don’t ask  
They’re weird  
I hate them

 **Me:**  
yes yes just like you hate wonho  
and me and  
everyone

 **Kihyun:**  
No, I hate you and Wonho and everyone more than I hate these guys

 **Me:**  
AWWWWW  
TOUCHED

 **Kihyun:**  
Stfu

 **Me:**  
y u stressing tho

 **Kihyun:**  
Well  
You know I’m in Photojournalism, right?  
I’ve been looking for a part-time job  
And  
I tried some of the local newspapers but  
No luck unless it’s freelance  
I mean  
At first I thought about freelancing but that’s… Idk

 **Me:**  
freelancing sounds good tho

 **Kihyun:**  
I need money  
I wanna move out eventually and  
The sooner the better  
Dealing with low AND late payments is the last thing I need rn

 **Me:**  
cant you find a part time in something else and  
also freelance?  
I mean… idk im  
sorry I mean Im  
akjndkwjbefkjwb  
I’m*  
cant ur parents help u out?  
kihyun?

 **Kihyun:**  
Sorry, I need to go  
Go back to studying, idiot!  
Ttyl

 **Me:**  
: (((  
ok  
DON’T STRESS IT MAKES ME SAD

 **Kihyun:**  
Wtf  
You’re so weird

 **Me:**  
: ((((((((((((

 **Kihyun:**  
Ugh, fine  
I won’t stress

 **Me:**  
: ))))))))))))  
<3

\--

Changkyun is smiling at his phone like, well, yeah, _an idiot_ when he notices he sent Kihyun a heart. He. Sent. Kihyun. A. Heart. A fucking heart. Never mind the casual flirting, he sent Kihyun a heart. A heart!

100 billion megaton per second thermonuclear explosions start behind Changkyun's eyes. He gets up in a rush, headphones thrown over the table, and sweeps the area around him. Suddenly, he feels hot. Yep, he's turning into a star—a freakin' explosive fireball.

He wipes around and rushes towards the bathroom, almost slipping on the wet floor— _damn it Jooheon, why you always gotta mizzle like crazy when you shower?_ — Changkyun takes a look in the mirror. His eye bags look like they could carry his entire weight around the dorms. Forget physics. He needs to go back in time right now.

Changkyun licks his chapped lips, looks down and slowly pulls his hood over his head. _Like a goddamn supernovae_ , Changkyun thinks. That’s what he feels like. Kihyun rejected him and here he is, feeling things. Feelings. Ugh...

The blinding light and deafening whip-crack that follow Changkyun’s sigh are so intense Changkyun startles and almost slips again. Jooheon was right, this is a thunderstorm, both in the literal and metaphorical sense.

Changkyun turns around, walks towards his desk and sits down. He can hear the voices coming from the corridor, Minhyuk’s, in particular, is extremely loud. Which means Changkyun only has a few seconds to wipe out that flushed look on his face and replace it with a smile before Minhyuk barges in.

“Hi, honey! I’m home!” He shouts with a smile on his face, clothes wet from the rain.

Changkyun tilts his head and watches Jooheon shove Minhyuk away. “Kyunnie,” says Jooheon, “your latte!” He walks closer and places the surprisingly-still-warm latte atop Changkyun’s desk.

“My knight,” Changkyun breathes dramatically, “you save me once again with this elixir.” He takes the latte and sips, eyes closed for effect. “Yes. I can feel my mana regenerating…”

“At your service,” Jooheon bows with a hand flick, “your excellency, the oracle.”

Changkyun reaches out and lightly touches Jooheon’s head. “I predict great things in your future, oh young one.”

“Woah! Don’t tell me there’s an equation for that too…”

“Maybe.”

“Ugh, you two,” says Hyungwon as he shrugs his coat off and then proceeds to throw it—the ass—over Changkyun’s bed. “You should’ve taken drama classes instead of… whatever it is you’re doing with your lives.”

Minhyuk lightly pulls Jooheon back and leans down to kiss Changkyun’s forehead. “Don’t mind him,” he says, throwing a finger over his shoulder. “Someone pissed in his cereal today.”

“No one pissed in my cereal, ew. I hate that saying. It’s disgusting,” Hyungwon complains as he sits down on the floor. “I am making a point here.”

“Yeah,” Jooheon snorts. “Just like the latest 100 points of _fuck this, fuck that, fuck them, fuck you._ ”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “Oh, fuck me. Fine. I am not in a good mood today. I blame the weather.”

“And here we are. The cycle is complete.”

“Fuck you.”

“Ah, no. Now you have to repeat them all one more time to restore peace to the universe.”

There’s a smile threatening Hyungwon’s lips when he says, “Fuck the universe.” And Changkyun finally laughs.

They sit on floor while Hyungwon quaintly and yet not all that quaintly explains how much of a dick his new supervisor is. Changkyun knows Hyungwon can be very eloquent when he’s pissed off, particularly if asked about it. But the amount of swearing involved tells Changkyun that Hyungwon is borderline exploding—probably due to stress and piled up feelings.

It’s only when the subject takes a violent turn to relationships and subsequent recurring problems that Changkyun feels his gut twist. He still hasn’t told Minhyuk and Hyungwon about Kihyun—his feelings for Kihyun, to be precise. And, if Changkyun is honest, for a while he thought he wouldn’t need to. After all, Kihyun had sort of rejected him a few nights back and that had been, besides confusingly hurtful, the cue to let go. Fact remains, however, that Changkyun is nowhere close to letting go. Actually, maybe partly his fault, his feelings are starting to trick him when his rational defences are down—he sent Kihyun a fucking heart!

Hyungwon rambles about how much he misses Wonho lately because they’re both so busy there is barely any time to meet up and relax. Minhyuk nods and says something about how glad he is he and Jooheon have a rather chill schedule. And Changkyun can feel the need to talk pile up. He needs to say it, he needs to tell them. Maybe they have good insight—better than Jooheon’s at least—on the subject. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. All the maybes come up Changkyun’s throat so quickly he blurts out “I like Kihyun” over the main dialogue.

Minhyuk snaps his mouth shut and turns wide-eyed. Hyungwon is brusquely looking Changkyun up and down, watching him, judgement obvious. “You _what?!_ ” The two of them shout in unison.

Changkyun glances towards his best friend, hoping his face looks pleading enough, and Jooheon smiles small and sighs. “Come on,” he says, nudging Minhyuk’s arm, “don’t freak out. He’s probably freaking out enough on his own.”

“But!” Minhyuk gapes. “When? I mean! Was it—”

Changkyun lets his face fall between his hands. “Ugh, I don’t know. Listen.” He looks up and sighs. “We kissed and… and what do you want me to say? I can’t get him out of my head! I think about him in the morning, I think about him in-between classes, I think about him whenever my brain is not busy doing something else, I, I don’t know… He rejected me and—”

“Wait. What?!” Minhyuk and Hyungwon shout again. Their voices sound like a chorus when they go on and ask, “What do you _mean_ he rejected you?”

“Yeah, I don’t know about this either,” Jooheon mumbles, frowning. He is probably thinking, again, about how Changkyun never tells him anything. It’s written all over his face.

“Well,” Changkyun starts. He looks down. “Kihyun… he said… we were talking, and he said it was a shame he hadn’t met me a few years back because maybe then… and he didn’t finish.” The quiet that follows has Changkyun looking back up only to be met with three ugly glares. “It… it’s a rejection, right? I mean, he obviously has something else going on or…”

“Kihyun,” Hyungwon says, tasting the name in his mouth. “Kihyun said that…?”

“But wait!” Minhyuk shakes his head and holds his hands up. “I thought this had been like… a one night—”

“It wasn’t,” Changkyun interrupts, this time willingly. “Not for me, at least.”

Hyungwon looks down, sighs, then shakes his head before he looks back up and stares Changkyun in the eye. “Are you sure? Are you sure you like him?”

The question sounds ridiculous and Changkyun can’t help but get angry. “Well, I don’t know, Hyungwon. Are you sure you like Wonho?”

“That is completely different.”

Changkyun snaps. “How? Why? Because my crush is new and yours is _how-many-months_ old? Don’t talk as if you’re above me or something… It’s annoying.”

Hyungwon exchanges a worried look with Minhyuk and nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just asking because… Kihyun is a little…”

“Stuffy?” Jooheon asks.

“Well, yes but—”

“Cocky? Swallowed a few bricks when he was a child? Has a stick up his butt?”

“Shut up, let me talk!”

Jooheon snorts but his smile disappears when he sees the glare Changkyun is giving him. “Sorry,” Jooheon mutters under his breath.

“What I am trying to say is,” Hyungwon pauses, licks his lips and goes on, “Kihyun is complicated. Not because he is a complicated person, he is very easy to deal with once you get the hang of it and—honestly, I think you,” he looks at Changkyun, “do a fine job with him. But—and this is just what I’ve picked up and what Wonho told me when I asked him about it—Kihyun has a strange but harsh sense of responsibility. His family is very strict. And when I say strict I don’t mean _be-home-before-nine-strict_ , I mean his parents had his entire future planned out for him and he feels guilty for reasons I cannot infer.”

Minhyuk snorts. “Don’t all parents do that?”

“No. I mean, yes. But, look, I know what you’re going to say,” Hyungwon tilts his head towards Minhyuk, “but take into consideration everyone is different. Don’t belittle him or his problems just because they seem meaningless to you.” He sighs. “I am not defending him, by the way. I am just saying…”

“Don’t worry,” Minhyuk chuckles, “no one will tell Kihyun you secretly care about him.”

Expectations, is it? The fear of disappointing someone else? Someone important? Is that what makes Kihyun sad? Changkyun looks down. “But… what does that have to do with me?”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes. At Minhyuk? At Changkyun? Impossible to tell, but probably at both. “Look, I don’t know. But I have noticed many, many, many times beyond count how Kihyun closes doors in his life simply because he feels like he’s got something to prove. I wouldn’t be surprised if he liked you and, in the end, rejected you because he figured he had other stuff—important stuff to deal with.”

“He… he liked me?”

“That’s what you’ve picked up?” Hyungwon looks at the ceiling and sighs. “Changkyun. He _kissed_ you. I doubt Kihyun goes around kissing random guys in parties. Why! Why! Why do I have to spell these things out!”

“Not everyone looks like you,” Jooheon mutters.

“Shut up. You are all beautiful. If only you could realize this…”

Changkyun stares at the floor. Kihyun probably liked him? _Liked_. Meaning he most likely doesn’t anymore. Again, another cue to give up. The universe just can’t stop throwing those at him, can it?

“I know I am beautiful,” Minhyuk snorts. “You don’t need to worry about me, Hyungwowon!”

“My name is Hyungwon.”

“Hyungwonwonye!”

“Hyungwon.”

“Wonhyung!”

“Minhyuk…”

“Hyung—oh, wait.” Minhyuk claps his hands and beams. He is trying, trying really hard to change the subject. Which is why he sounds so hyped when he says, “I just realized… You and Wonho… Hyungwonho!”

Hyungwon covers his face with his hands and groans. “Oh my god, kill me.”

“I am living! Can I text Wonho about this?”

“Minhyuk. Min. Stop. Don’t you dare.”

“Uh! Hyungwon is flustered—I will journal about this later.”

 _Giving up_. It sounds good on paper. It’s easy to say. But damn, is it hard to think about… Changkyun feels it, that gut-wrenching feeling that leaves him nauseated. His heart pounds in his chest. Why does he have to give up? What is there to give up? It’s not like he’s known Kihyun long enough to have him become such an important aspect of his life. So, why?

“Hyungwonho sounds cute,” Jooheon says.

There is no answer. There is just a decision Changkyun needs to make. A decision he needs to make _now_ , before his friends leave and he is alone with his thoughts. Should he give up? 

“Yeah…” He tells no one in particular. The quasar in his brain is turning into a blazar.

He should give up, right? Hopefully, his feelings will cooperate. Hopefully, right? Hopefully, he won’t be sending Kihyun random hearts in the future. Hopefully, Kihyun will become his friend. _Just_ a friend.

Kihyun has things, other things, to worry about, plus he has already rejected Changkyun once. That should be enough. That _is_ enough. Right…?

“Hyungwonhowon!” Minhyuk blabs.

Changkyun looks up and fakes a smile. “Yeah, and you and Jooheon are—what, Min… Minheon? Joohyuk?”

Minhyuk beams like the sun, probably glad that his attempts at brightening up the conversation have worked. “Oh! Cute! And you and Jooheon are Jookyun! Ohmygod, I am living!”

“Bro,” Jooheon scoots closer to Changkyun and mumbles, “will you be ok?”

Again, Changkyun forces a smile. “Yeah. Don’t worry.”

“You sure?”

Minhyuk is already talking about something else—hanging out—night out and Changkyun only replies with a faint “I am” before he wills his brain to focus on something else—something that doesn’t make his throat clench and, thankfully, everyone else seems to understand what he is trying to do because no one mentions Kihyun again.

Changkyun will get over his feelings for Kihyun. He will. Maybe… Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My field is Psychology. What am I doing, studying Astrophysics for the sake of this fic...? Nvm, it's fun.


	7. Stellar Evolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Got a Kiss is now part of a series!!!
> 
> And here's part [one](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16095230) in case you wanna check it out (*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)

Growing up, Kihyun would practice asking his parents for permission to do something in the mirror and pre-emptively come up with answers to questions he knew they’d ask. He would also always have to wait until they were in a good mood before asking for anything. Conversations? Dialogue? No. A monologue. Kihyun had to be careful telling jokes to his parents because their response toed the line between laughing along to immediately going off on a 45-minute rant and probably sending him to his room afterward. There was no dialogue—there is no dialogue. Just rules and praise as positive reinforcement (if said rules are respected), scolding and angsty glares as negative reinforcement.

To be an example is too high a hurdle when one is just a kid, trying to do what other kids do… but that fear, the fear of that look in their eyes, that look of disappointment—that’s heart-breaking.

And Kihyun had spent years dreaming of rebellion in the form of making spontaneous plans or wearing flip flops to the airport. But the first time he followed through, he signed up for Photojournalism against his parents’ wishes. Go big or go home, right? Plus, it felt liberating, to say the least. Especially when he followed that with dyeing his hair in that dark shade of purple Hoseok had picked for him.

Obviously, Kihyun’s father was furious. And Kihyun found a way to compensate the heavy atmosphere at home when he got picked to help Hyungwon with the university’s magazine—which he is still helping with, in a way.

But now? Now there’s nothing. There is no compensation, no achievement. Nothing to relieve the heavy feeling in Kihyun’s chest. Nothing to tell him—show him, he can do it. That he can do it on his own, that he is not useless or a failure.

Can he, though? Can he do it on his own?

Kihyun lowers his phone and stares at the screen until it goes dark. The words _‘we regret to inform you’_ are the last thing he sees before his vision blurs and he needs to look up at the clouded sky and blink a few times as he takes a deep breath.

Kihyun loves his family. He really does. And he knows they love him, too. But today, once again, he doesn’t want to go home. Today he doesn’t want to see them. Today he doesn’t want to _hear_ them.

He lets his bag slide down his shoulder and catches it in his hand before it hits the floor. He sits down on one of the steps in front of the library, finally looking down, eyes locking on a dark spot on the white stone.

Phone still in hand, Kihyun considers calling Hoseok. He contemplates the thought for a while and then decides against it. Then he thinks about Hyunwoo but quickly remembers Hyunwoo mentioned something about a girl and the cinema—right, Hyunwoo has a date today.

Some things are not easily explained away or swept under the rug. And, unfortunately, Kihyun knows that relying on Hoseok again would give way to touchy-feely conversations Kihyun would rather avoid opening up about.

But what choice does he have?

Well, maybe—

“What the hell are you doing?” Comes the familiar voice.

Kihyun sniffles a runny nose and rolls his eyes, secretly hoping those damn tears dangling on his lashes dry by the time he needs to turn around. “Breathing,” Kihyun replies, glaring over his shoulder and eyeing Hyungwon up and down. “What are _you_ doing?”

“Wondering,” Hyungwon raises an eyebrow. “You almost tore my arm off when you bumped into me, what the hell!”

“You’re so dramatic,” Kihyun says dully as Hyungwon walks down the remaining steps between them.

“Says the cry-baby.”

“I’m not crying, idiot.”

“Right. You’re sweating from your eyes.”

Kihyun closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. He really doesn’t need this right now but fuck it. “You do have a way with words, don't you?”

“Says you. A third of the shit you spew are just expletives.”

“What the fuck do you want, Hyungwon?”

“Believe it or not,” Hyungwon sits down next to Kihyun, “and I can’t believe I am telling you this, I’m worried about you.” _He’s what now?_ “So, I’m here to offer my, uhm, support.”

Kihyun snorts and shakes his head. “You suck at it, then.”

“Shit. Here I thought this was my calling…”

“Ugh, I wonder what Hoseok sees in you…”

“Same.”

Kihyun pauses at that, eyes on a distant building. He feels the anger bubble away, slowly being replaced with numbness. “I was joking,” he glances towards Hyungwon. “I’m sure you have plenty of… of… _Nah_. Nah, I’m not gonna say it.” Kihyun looks away and bites his lower lip and Hyungwon laughs, quietly, without making a fuss.

They stay quiet for a while. Of all the things that Kihyun struggles with, he doesn’t expect being truthful with himself to be one of them. Yet, lately, he really can’t figure himself out. Which is why he avoids thinking about useless things. Then again, he doesn’t mind Hyungwon’s quiet company. Nope. Not at all.

And just as rain starts dropping from the sky, Kihyun’s mood shifts again. Because now he’s starting to resign himself to the fact that he has go home. Because where else is he supposed to go? Hoseok’s? Again? No. He can’t. Not again. Not so soon.

Hyungwon pulls an umbrella out his bag and stretches it open over their heads. “Seriously,” he sighs, “what am I doing with my life…? I have places to be.”

“No one asked you here. You can leave, you know?”

“Right,” Hyungwon tilts his head, “and if I leave right now you’ll be drenched in less than five minutes.” It’s true, the past few days have been quite famous for the sudden downpours. “Don’t be an ass and accept my love.”

Kihyun smirks for a second. “Love isn’t the word.”

“Then what’s the word, you ungrateful idiot?”

Kihyun opens his mouth to reply but is cut off by the sound of Hyungwon’s phone when it starts buzzing and beeping nonstop.

Hyungwon sighs and reluctantly reaches for it inside his coat’s pocket. “What the…” He says, making a face at the screen. Kihyun really doesn’t want to look. It’s rude. He shouldn’t. But well, Hyungwon is close, phone in hand and Kihyun might just take a— _what the fuck._

Kihyun blinks. _Changkyun is not boring_ is their group chat’s name? A bunch texts keep rolling up and Kihyun finds himself bluntly staring down at Hyungwon’s phone, which Hyungwon doesn’t seem to mind.

\--

**-CHANGKYUN IS NOT BORING-**   
_Minhyukie, Changkyunie, Jooheon, You_

  
**Minhyukie:**  
no but serioulsyah  
whyyy do witches always wanna fatten kids up  
like you know  
before they eat them????  
FAT IS LIKE THE GROSSEST PART OF MEAT

 **Jooheon:**  
what  
the fuck  
what do you mean

 **Changkyunie:**  
WHY hello there LITTLE CHILDREN  
please follow me to my magical…  
FITNESS ROOM!!!!!!  
NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT  
LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE  
GUESS WHAT  
ITS LEG DAY

 **Jooheon:**  
LMFAO  
WTF

 **Minhyukie:**  
DAMN OKAY I GET IT  
YEAHH THAT MAKES SENSE

 **Changkyunie:**  
MINIE YOU GOTTA EAT THE FATTIES  
BONES AND MEAT SCRAPS  
WHAT IS THAT  
also  
there is wisdom in fattening them up  
sweets and carbs  
a meatless carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat

 **Jooheon:**  
you are arguing over the semantics  
OF EATING CHILDREN

 **Minhyukie:**  
BUT

 **Changkyunie:**  
BELIEVE ME  
Im an expert

 **Jooheon:**  
WHAT THE FUCK DUDE  
AN EXPERT ON WHAT  
BRO  
CHANGKYUN  
GODDAMN IT

 **Minhyukie:**  
I AM BRINGING THE SNACKSsS BTW

 **Changkyunie:**  
*cigar drops out of mouth*  
what snacks Min

 **Me:**  
What the actual fuck  
What cigar?  
What is going on

 **Minhyukie:**  
HYUNGWON GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE

 **Changkyun:**  
: )

\--

“Are they always like this?” Kihyun finds himself asking. His eyes lingering on Changkyun’s name a little longer than Kihyun would like to admit if asked about it.

Hyungwon sighs. “All the time…”

“Lively.”

“Very.”

The rain makes a percussive sound against the umbrella and, at some point, Kihyun can no longer tell what’s faster, the beating of the rain or the beating of his heart.

“Say,” Hyungwon starts but pauses right away, leaving Kihyun looking him up and down a little expectantly, “we’re gathering today to… I don’t know. Ugh, I’m going to regret this—Game? Watch movies? Chat? A bit of everything, to be honest.” Hyungwon laughs to himself. “Would you like to join us?”

Kihyun stares. His heart slows down. “Me?”

“ _No_ ,” Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “That invisible guy next to you—of course it’s you!” He waits for Kihyun’s bitter reply, but when Kihyun stays quiet for longer than what is considered appropriate, Hyungwon throws him a glance. “You look like you need the distraction. That’s all. And I happen to be friends with people who know how to make you laugh.”

Kihyun opens his mouth and then closes it. He shakes his head. “Wait. What?” All he gets in return is a smirk.

 

✩✩

 

  
_Of all the things that Changkyun struggles with, he doesn’t expect being truthful with himself to be one of them._ For example, right now, he definitely, definitely, is getting a cold, but he figuratively—doesn’t let anyone know—and metaphorically—he’s running out of tissues—sucks it up.

He squints at the top of his bed. Maybe he should get more pillows. There is no such thing as too many pillows, plus they’re useful when someone stays over. Thankfully Hyungwon falls asleep anywhere, because there’s no way in hell Minhyuk will let him keep Jooheon’s second pillow.

“Stop wiggling,” says Minhyuk, holding Changkyun’s hand over his lap. “If you get nail polish on my jeans, I am maiming you!”

They’re both sitting on Changkyun’s bed while Minhyuk tries to nail that perfect manicure just because he said he could and Changkyun tries to stay as still as possible. Jooheon is busying himself with setting up Minhyuk’s TV in the middle of the room atop a few card boxes they borrowed from their neighbour.

“Anyway,” Jooheon mumbles, head stuck between a few cable extensions, “you were saying?”

“Well,” Minhyuk shrugs, “I was like, _no. What? Fucking sit right there, you’re not going anywhere,_ you know? And the idiot looks at me for one second and then he leaves!” Despite being obviously irritated, Minhyuk still manages to a good job at not messing up Changkyun’s nails.

Jooheon leans away from the TV and throws a glance their way. “Wow, what?”

“I know! Group assignments are nightmarish but this guy managed to make it worse, somehow! And he is so, so, just so picky! He’s like, _we can’t meet here because it’s too noisy. We can’t meet there because it’s too quiet._ Like, what the fuck? I hate picky people.”

Changkyun sniffles a little, trying not to make it too obvious. “Can’t you tell the teacher? Maybe he’ll let you switch groups or, I don’t know, do something about that guy.”

“That’s what I am planning to do come Monday.”

There’s a knock at the door, followed by three more rhythmic knocks. They look between each other and smirk. Minhyuk quickly forgets about his idiot classmate and Changkyun’s nails _and_ rushes towards the door.

“Hey, dumbasses.” Hyungwon greets as he enters the room. Changkyun and Jooheon had put a lot of effort into making it presentable enough. Of course, Changkyun can’t help the jaw drop reflex and the little scream inside his brain when he sees Kihyun bow his head slightly as he follows Hyungwon inside. “I’ve adopted a mouse,” Hyungwon states with pride as he gets rid of his jacket. “He looked so lost, sitting on the sidewalk, I had to bring him with me.” One glance towards the heater next to Changkyun’s bed and Hyungwon almost teleports there.

“He’s lying. He practically dragged me here.” Kihyun sets his backpack down, massaging his neck and joining Hyungwon next to the heater. He looks around for a second, eyes settling on Changkyun who is still looking like he just saw a ghost.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“It’s all a matter of perspective,” says Hyungwon. “From my point of view, you totally begged me to come.”

Minhyuk claps his hands before Kihyun can reply and says, “Does it matter? The more the merrier!” The nervous glance he throws Changkyun doesn’t match what he’s saying at all.

Changkyun lowers his gaze and then peeks at Jooheon who is looking back rather intensively. _Right_. Of course they’re worried. And while there is nothing to worry about because, well, Changkyun is supposed to forget, he’s supposed to get over it, now that Kihyun is right there, in front of him, Changkyun is starting to forget about what he’s supposed to forget. _He is forgetting to forget._

If he says it out loud, will it make it real? And if Kihyun leaves now, will Changkyun feel anything? Does Kihyun think about Changkyun? Even if just a little?

Eager to move past any awkwardness, Changkyun starts talking before his brain catches up with whatever is coming out of his mouth. “Uh! Slap incoming.” And his heart feels full when Kihyun looks at him again and closes the distance between them to give him a little shove—little being an understatement, Changkyun really struggles to stay right where he is—and smile wider as he mutters “idiot” in a way that doesn’t sound like an insult at all.

“Careful!” Minhyuk worries, “You have to let it dry!”

“Let what dry?” Kihyun asks, then opening his mouth in a small _oh_ when Changkyun wiggles his fingers in front of Kihyun’s face. “Wow, you’re painting your nails?”

“Technically, _I am_ painting his nails,” says Minhyuk.

“Technically, I need help with this TV, we’re missing a cable!” Jooheon complains but gets ignored.

“Do you like it?” Changkyun asks, deep down—maybe not that deep—hoping Kihyun approves of his eccentricities. He wiggles his fingers again, this time closer to his eyes, and winks.

Kihyun smiles, “That is so you,” he says, grabbing one of Changkyun’s hands to get a closer look.

“It smells weird in here,” Hyungwon mumbles all of a sudden.

“It’s not me,” Changkyun replies as nonchalantly as he can manage with Kihyun still holding his hand. “I just showered.”

“Not me!” Minhyuk raises his hands, “I put on a whole stick of deodorant before leaving my place every day, trust. Can’t say the same about Heoney, though.”

Jooheon slowly turns his head to glare and them. “Hoe,” he starts, “I am here, fixing your damn TV. And now you’re coming at me? You think I use this much cologne for my own benefit?!” He glares with more intensity when Changkyun and Kihyun start laughing. “How do you know it’s me, huh?” He points at Hyungwon and tilts his chin, “maybe it stinks cuz he’s got his ass pasted to the heater!”

Kihyun doubles with it then, giving up on standing up and sitting next to Changkyun. And, somehow, everything feels familiar. Like the way Hyungwon riles himself up and starts verbalizing at Jooheon. The way Jooheon throws the usual tantrum. How Minhyuk rushes to cuddle his boyfriend and stuff him with kisses and love. And the way Kihyun and Changkyun just cling to each other, laughing, because they’re going to fall off the bed if they let go.

And when Changkyun meets Kihyun’s eyes again, he feels his heart stop.

All stars are born from collapsing clouds of gas and dust. But the stars behind Kihyun’s eyes are not simple nebulae, they’re like planetary nebulas, stars nearing the end of their stellar evolution.

Jooheon says something else, Changkyun doesn’t hear what. And Hyungwon replies, sounding a little unconvinced, dancing out of the way with a cackle when Jooheon throws his shoe at him—said shoe landing right between Changkyun and Kihyun.

Changkyun grabs the shoe and throws it back, this time hitting Hyungwon’s leg. “I have no idea why, but it does stink a bit,” he tells Kihyun. He looks around, reluctantly withdrawing his hand from Kihyun’s, eyes quickly landing on the pack of cheesy bites atop his table. “Ah,” he snorts and points at the empty package. “I think I found the culprit.”

Kihyun glances over. “Did you eat those?”

“As much as I would like to take the blame for this one… No, it wasn’t me. Minhyuk, I think.”

“Someone should tell them…”

“Yeah?” Changkyun smirks and sits farther back on his bed, leaning his back against the wall, “Why? I am enjoying the circular arguments.”

Kihyun gives him a pouting, pitiful smile and is unable to suppress a laugh after a moment or two, “You are sneaky little shit…”

“I thought you knew that already.”

“Oh,” Kihyun shrugs his jacket off and mimics Changkyun, sitting farther back on the bed and leaning against the wall, too. Their shoulders brush and Changkyun catches Kihyun’s scent. “Oh, don’t worry. I _know_.”

They watch in silence as Hyungwon and Minhyuk help Jooheon find the missing cable. They search under the beds, under the tables, inside their wardrobes, everywhere until Minhyuk remembers he probably left it in his room. All this while arguing nonstop.

Kihyun is absent-mindedly twirling the nail polish flask in his hand when Changkyun decides to make conversation again, “You look tired,” _Great small talk, as usual. You’re a Champ Changkyun._

“You can tell?”

He shrugs and gestures at his own face, “You don’t frown as much when you’re tired.” He sniffles when Kihyun arches an eyebrow at him. “ _What_. I watch people.”

“Somehow, I believe you. You’re weird like that.” Kihyun pauses then, scanning Changkyun’s face. “And _you’re_ getting sick.”

Changkyun tilts his head. “You can tell?”

Kihyun holds his gaze for a few moments, but then his lip twitches, and he looks away with a smile. “I watch people.” _Is—is this flirting?_ Changkyun can never tell. “Also, the corners of your nose look red.”

“Damn… that’s not sexy…”

“No. It isn’t.” _Ouch_. Ok, maybe they’re not flirting.

Minhyuk walks back into the room, grinning like an idiot, long HDMI cable in hand, “Found it, girls!” He says, and Jooheon dramatically throws himself back on the floor.

“Have you found a part-time job?” Changkyun tries again. What he doesn’t expect, however, is the way Kihyun stiffens next to him and drops the flask between his legs. “Kihyun?”

Kihyun laughs a little, bitterly so. “Sorry. It’s just… I’d almost forgotten about that.”

“About what?”

“About today’s painful mishmash of unapologetic socialization.”

Changkyun blinks and laughs. “That bad, huh?”

With the way Kihyun looks up in surprise, Changkyun would think the question astonished him. But then he asks, watchfully, “Why are you laughing?” Which takes Changkyun by surprise. It wasn’t the question. It was Changkyun’s tone.

“What do you mean, _why?_ You should always laugh at bad luck.”

“You clearly hit your head at birth…”

“You clearly need a new perspective.” Changkyun mimics Kihyun’s tone. Changkyun knows this is uncharted territory. But he considers what he's learned, he considers what Hyungwon told him about Kihyun and he goes for it anyway, taking a leap of faith and hoping his instincts are right. “So, what’s troubling you?”

Kihyun’s reaction is predictable. He forces a frown and tilts his chin up. “What’s it to you?”

Changkyun shrugs. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“Because I care.” He does. He cares. It's that simple. No ulterior motives involved.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Kihyun mutters. But then he pauses, tongues the corner of his lip and sighs. “Not now, anyway.” And Changkyun understands.

“Noted,” he nods. “Here,” he offers Kihyun his hand and Kihyun glares at it, “Hold my hand.”

“What?” Kihyun gawks. “Why?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, fights the little insecurity crawling up his back, and grabs Kihyun’s hand anyway. “Recharging. I’m giving you a bit of my positive energy.” He shrugs. “My mother is into that shit, okay? I’m trying to see if it works because you clearly need it.”

“That…” Kihyun looks down, frowning despite the redness to his ears. “That’s the stup—” he trails off when he looks back up, both of them noticing how close their faces are, Changkyun’s lips hanging open dumbly as his gaze slides down to focus on Kihyun’s mouth.

Changkyun can hear the chatter. The majority of his brain is hyper aware that they are not alone right now. But just as he is about to turn away, Kihyun’s gaze drops, too, and Changkyun feels the heat spike.

Were they alone, maybe Changkyun would have gone for it. But the smooth, unbroken slide into each other's spaces never comes. Changkyun stares into Kihyun’s face, and Kihyun into Changkyun’s, and there is that desperate edge in Kihyun’s expression _again_ —like he’s looking for something he lost in Changkyun, or something he never knew he wanted until now, and with a blink it is gone.

“We are live!” Minhyuk claps, quickly turning around to smile at Changkyun and Kihyun, smile not receding one bit when he notices how the other two are holding hands and probably looking like two freshly picked tomatoes. “You two look cosy.”

Hyungwon turns to look. “Too cosy. Why are you holding hands? We haven’t started drinking yet.” _Fucking, miserable, piece of shit_ , he had to go and be a dick…

Changkyun can’t believe this. He considers mentioning Hyungwon’s make out session in the middle of the party all those weeks ago, and he also considers letting Kihyun go. But then Kihyun squeezes his hand and says, “I am sucking yang energy out of him.” And smirks. “You’re next, Chae Hyungwon.”

“Hell no! Stay away!” Hyungwon grimaces. “I need my yangs and my yings!”

“What?” Minhyuk looks at his own hands. “How does that even work?”

Changkyun shrugs. “I don’t know. I will have you talk to my mother next time she calls to vent about this. But apparently there’s a lot of skin-on-skin contact?”

Jooheon catches Changkyun’s gaze, “Conveniently,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Changkyun wiggles his eyebrows back. “Never said I wasn’t benefiting…” And that earns him an elbow to the chest. _“Ouch_ , careful, you’re damaging my energy core…” He mocks.

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

And just like that, everything is back to normal. Well, a different normal. A new normal.

Forget? No. Changkyun can’t forget. He can’t forget because he’s falling in deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, because I need validation (and friends), [here's](https://twitter.com/Eunmih) my twitter in case you wanna scream at me or something.


	8. Perihelion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a little bird told me [shitty4eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitty4eyes/profile) needed Changkis...

Passion is slight when it smells of cologne and something else Changkyun has learned to recognize as purely, very Kihyun. Passion is attraction when it laughs lowly and smiles like the sun. Passion is curiosity when there’s a frown Changkyun can’t interpret. Passion is caring when it hurts.

It’s dark. Changkyun’s phone reads 2am, YouTube loads slowly, and passion burns as it reaches its perihelion. “Your internet sucks,” Kihyun mutters in a groggy voice. He’s lying down next to Changkyun, arms crossed. And Changkyun is training his eyes forward, knowing fully well that turning his head will give him a close-up of Kihyun’s face.

“It’s the rain,” Changkyun explains. “For some reason it hiccups whenever it rains. See? It’s back.”

Kihyun leans closer and hums. “That’s weird.”

“ _You’re_ weird,” Hyungwon replies from where he has his head pillowed atop Changkyun’s leg. “Our internet is fine. Don’t listen to him, baby,” he mumbles as he caresses his phone, “you’re fine.”

“Are you talking to the internet?”

“I don’t seem to have anything better to do.”

“Sleep?”

“I can’t,” Hyungwon yawns and blinks bleary at his phone, “Wonho is venting right now.”

“At 2am?”

“I had no idea you needed specific feely-venting hours. Do you ever check your wrist watch and think, _oh, look, it’s venting o’clock!”_

Changkyun shifts slightly and props himself up on his elbows. “Shouldn’t you be addressing the modem? Your phone is an entirely different persona.”

Hyungwon blinks again. “Hm?”

“You’re slow, Changkyun,” Kihyun says, laughing lowly.

“Oh, well,” Hyungwon shrugs one shoulder and sniffles, either he is catching a cold, too, or his sinus is acting up again, “the modem is outside and I’m not leaving your bed.”

“Great. Now it’s awkward,” Changkyun says.

“Why? Because there are 2 men in your bed? Enjoy. I doubt it happens often, or like… ever.”

“Obviously. Polyamory is not my thing.”

Hyungwon looks up. “What is your thing, Changkyun?” His eyes shift to Kihyun for a few seconds and Kihyun arches an eyebrow in reply.

Changkyun licks his lips. He says the first thing his fast-working brain regurgitates, “Cuddling.” And now both Kihyun and Hyungwon are staring at him. “Hey. I am allowed to like cuddling.”

Kihyun sits up. “Well…”

Hyungwon blinks. “Well.”

“What,” Changkyun starts again as he tries to focus on what he wants to say rather than the back of Kihyun’s neck, “Are you ganging up on me?” He sniffles. He really _is_ getting sick, _damn it._

Kihyun looks over his shoulder and holds his tongue between his teeth. “Would you like us to?”

“You made that sound soooo sexual… I’m… uncomfortable.”

Kihyun laughs. “Payback for before.”

“You,” Changkyun hesitates, “realize it’s a lot more uncomfortable face to face, right?”

“Precisely.”

“Text me next time?”

“No.”

“I am: confused,” says Hyungwon. _It's our thing,_ Changkyun thinks. And the thought fills him with warmth.

Unexpectedly, and Changkyun can’t help but smile at this, Kihyun is the one explaining. “The little shit likes to leave me tongue tied when we text. That’s all.”

Changkyun shrugs. “You love it,” he says before dodging a slap.

“Text me next time!” Kihyun says sarcastically as he threatens Changkyun with his hand.

“No,” Changkyun jokes.

“I am: disgusted,” Hyungwon says.

“Isn’t that your standard mood?” Kihyun asks.

“Maybe. And yet I still manage to get some.”

“I swear sometimes you sound like you fell into a blender and stumbled out with permanent brain damage. Is that all you think about?”

“Rude,” Hyungwon doesn’t sound excited at all.

“I remain dubious,” Kihyun says.

“I am still smarter than you are. And prettier.”

Kihyun looks at Changkyun. “He’s lying, right?”

And Changkyun’s heart stutters. “Please don’t involve me. I like living…”

“Wrong answer.”

“Oh. I see how it is,” Hyungwon hums. “You think he’ll pick you because you kissed?” Again, Changkyun might die right now. Kihyun doesn’t even think anything of it, though if he does, he’s doing a damn good job of concealing his brain noise. But then Hyungwon goes on, “Some things are stronger than that, Kihyun. Like beauty. And brains.” And that’s when Kihyun’s eyebrow twitches.

He munches over whatever he is thinking about for a while before he settles it with, “Then I guess we are both losing here.” It really doesn’t give much away. Or at least it shouldn’t have. But Changkyun blushes nonetheless.

Hyungwon blinks. “Hm. Fair.”

“Don’t agree with me.”

“In order to disagree with you I would have to agree to disagree and—”

“Oh my god, Hyungwon!”

“Alright, alri—” He stops when his phone buzzes, looks at the screen and sighs.

“How bad?” Kihyun asks. And Changkyun hears it, that slight worried tone Kihyun is usually good at masking.

“The usual,” Hyungwon replies with another sigh. “Honestly… I wish I could reprogram his brain sometimes. There’s a lot in there that needs rewiring.”

Kihyun laughs. “You’re in the wrong field, then. ”

“Yeah. I should have followed Psychology. Anyway, everyone has bad days.”

“Right. I usually use violence on him. Seems to work wonders.”

“I don’t know if that tells me more about you or him…”

Kihyun tilts his chin up. “You tell me.”

“We’re not going there.”

“Yeah. Right. But I bet you want to. You and that perverted mind of yours.”

Hyungwon raises both eyebrows. “Careful, Kihyun. I’ve heard it’s contagious.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Changkyun licks his lips. He considers asking. Then he closes his mouth before saying something. And then he asks anyway. “Is Wonho alright?”

“He’s fine,” Hyungwon replies.

Kihyun is the one sighing this time. “He’s the type to overthink. And sometimes it gets to him.” He shrugs. “He tries to hide it until it spills. And that usually happens in-between a lot of tears and loud crying.”

“If you tell him you love enough times he actually starts smiling a lot afterwards,” Hyungwon admits. “It’s pretty cute.”

Kihyun makes a face. “Gross.”

“You’d be surprised with what being lovable brings out in him.”

“That’s _your_ job. I’ll stick to violently slap his head whenever he victimizes himself.”

“You should take some your own medicine, Kihyun.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“Anyway, I’m glad I didn’t call him in the end…” Kihyun mutters after a while. He looks up. “Does he know I’m here?”

Hyungwon raises his eyes. “No. He would worry if he knew.”

“Right. Right. Thanks…”

Changkyun feels a little lost. There’s a lot he doesn’t know about Wonho. And there is a lot he doesn’t know about Kihyun. Why Kihyun looks sad when he smiles. Why Kihyun is yes one day and no the other. Why he talks to Changkyun at all… Why. Why. Why. There are so many whys.

“I’m hungry,” Hyungwon says. “Talking about Wonho makes me crave ramyun. Do you have any ramyun packs laying around, Changkyun?”

Changkyun shakes his head. “Nah. I need to restock… Whenever I buy noodles I eat them all in the following days.”

Kihyun elbows him. “That’s unhealthy as fuck.”

Hyungwon laughs. “I am pretty sure doctors recommend one fuck at least once a week.”

_“Hyungwon.”_

“Sorry.”

Changkyun laughs. “Well, I can’t be bothered to eat healthily, to be honest.”

“Seriously, thoooough,” Hyungwon moans, “ramyun…”

Kihyun makes a face, again. “Ew, now you sound like Hoseok.”

“Well, you know what they say.”

“No. No I don’t.”

“Lovers tend to sound alike. And, in some cases, look alike.”

“Gross.”

“No, really! It’s science.”

“Again, dubious.”

“It’s true,” Changkyun agrees. “I’ve heard that before as well.”

Hyungwon smiles small. “Yes. _Anyway,_ ramyun. I want ramyun.”

Now Changkyun is thinking about food as well. “I want steak.”

Hyungwon grimaces a little. “Your rich ass really baffles me sometimes.”

“Sooowwwy,” Changkyun moans mid head tilt.

“I want ice cream,” Kihyun says.

“Ice cream?” Changkyun questions as he sits up, forcing Hyungwon to sit up as well. “They have a freezer downstairs. And popsicles.”

“Wait. Are you serious?”

“It’s too cold for ice cream,” Hyungwon complains. “Plus, it’s 2am. The cafeteria is closed.”

“But they never lock the freezer so…” Changkyun shrugs.

“Changkyunie… don’t tell me you steal ice cream from the cafeteria…”

“Weeeeell…”

Kihyun gapes, “You’re kidding…”

“If it’s just me then no one will notice if I borrow one popsicle or two now and then…”

 _“Borrow,”_ Kihyun repeats. “The implications are… disturbing.”

 _“Now and then,”_ Hyungwon repeats. “How often is _now and then?”_

Changkyun smiles. “Not often enough…”

“Seriously… I didn’t raise you to be—”

A loud snore startles the 3 of them. Changkyun glances at the other bed where Jooheon and Minhyuk sleep in a tangled mess of limbs. He sighs. “Well, no ice cream for them…”

Kihyun shakes his head. “Wait. Are you seriously considering going downstairs to… to…”

Changkyun blinks. “You said you wanted ice cream.”

“It was just a thought! If I said I wanted an elephant, would you get me one!?”

“Depends. Could I ride it?”

Kihyun hides his face between his hands and throws himself back on the bed. “I can’t. Hyungwon. Take over. I can’t.”

Hyungwon sighs. “Changkyun.”

Changkyun looks up. “Huh.”

“Changkyun.”

He clears his throat. “Yeah.”

“Move your ass.”

Changkyun swallows. “What?”

“I want the pineapple one, by the way.”

“I thought you said it was too cold for ice cream.”

“True. But I need to stay awake. Boyfriend duty. So I might as well.”

Changkyun tilts his head and smiles. _“Awwwwww,_ that’s so cute.”

“I can’t believe this,” Kihyun mutters. But he still follows Changkyun downstairs, if only to keep an eye on him. Or at least that’s what he announces before they exit the room.

The cafeteria is the building across the courtyard garden. They step outside. The moon hangs low in the sky between a few parted clouds. The atmosphere feels heavy and humid. But the way the layered lights illuminate the pathways in a low night mist is rather inviting.

It’s a pretty garden. It’s pretty. But Changkyun’s eyes are on Kihyun the whole time. No reason. Somehow, his mind feels erratic and the only way he finds to muffle the voices in his head is to look directly at the _catalyst._

Kihyun stops by the grass. “You think it will clear up?” He asks looking up. “I’m starting to get really tired of rain.” The moonlight shines pale light on his skin, in a way Changkyun can’t quite describe.

“I can read stars, not clouds.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun chuckles. “I didn’t pick you for a weathercaster either.”

Changkyun shoves his hands in the pockets of his track pants and steps closer until they are side by side. He looks up. “The best I can do is… tell you that one,” He points at the agglomerate of clouds right above them, “looks like a dinosaur.”

“What? Where? I don’t see it.”

“There,” He leans so Kihyun can see where he’s pointing, “see? The eyes. Then,” he trails down the shape of the cloud only visible thanks to the full moon. “teeth. I’d say that, over there, could be a nose but I’m not sure.” He exchanges a look with Kihyun. “Acrocanthosaurus to the rescue.”

“A—What?”

Changkyun shrugs. “I don’t know, I just read that somewhere before.”

“Do you eat National Geographic for breakfast or…?”

“No. Hyungwon does.”

“Right. The king of useless knowledge.”

There is a slight brush of hands and Changkyun flinches. Lord knows Changkyun’s thoughts are going haywire. He doesn’t even have thoughts at this point. Maybe some questions, a lot of those.

“Kihyun,” Changkyun says, without direction or purpose, saying it just to taste it on his tongue. It feels foreign, mostly because Changkyun doesn’t call Kihyun by his name all that often.

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.”

Kihyun takes a few seconds to think while he stares at the building just ahead. And then he says, “Sure.”

Changkyun fidgets a little. “What—I mean…” He looks at Kihyun and then down before Kihyun can look back. “Are you sad?”

“Sad?”

“Like… today… what Hyungwon said and… Also, sometimes you look really sad when you smile. So, I’ve been wondering if, maybe, it’s something you feel a lot.”

“Sadness?”

“Yeah.”

When Changkyun looks back up he sees Kihyun’s face soften. “You’re worried,” Kihyun says. It’s not a question. At least it doesn’t sound like one.

“I told you, I care.”

“Right. You did.” Now it’s Kihyun’s turn to fidget. “And no… I’m not sad. Frustrated? Definitely. But not sad. The two are not mutually exclusive, though…”

“Why are you… why do you feel frustrated?”

Kihyun scoffs. “I’m a college student.”

Changkyun frowns. “Right. You got me there.”

Kihyun contemplates Changkyun for a long moment before sighing and looking away. “Work for what you need first. Work for what you want later. That’s what I’ve been taught. And while, partially, I agree, sometimes it’s really hard to differentiate what I need from what I want.” He pauses. “Recently, I made a very selfish decision. It cost me a lot to be honest. And suddenly everyone, myself included, expects me to work twice as hard.” It sounds fairly close to what Hyungwon mentioned about Kihyun before. It explains a lot. “If…” Kihyun’s voice breaks a little. “If I don’t then… _damn,_ I really want that ice cream.” He laughs a little to make light of how tight his voice sounds.

Changkyun doesn’t even realize he’s reaching out to take Kihyun’s hand until Kihyun looks down at them. “Recharging,” Changkyun blurts in lack of a better explanation.

And Kihyun laughs again. “Right.”

“Is that why you need a part-time job?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun’s thumb brushes over Changkyun’s hand and Changkyun feels his heart sink. Does Kihyun realize what he’s doing? Is it supposed to mean something? “There are some things I want to get away from.”

“Things or… people?”

“Both.”

 _Passion is caring when it hurts._ Passion is dark. So, better shine some light on it before it goes back into aphelion.

“I can help,” Changkyun chirps, brain forwarding with far too many ideas.

“What?”

“I’ll think of something.”

Kihyun stares. “You… You don’t have to.”

“But I want to.”

“Well, I don’t want your help.”

Changkyun scowls. “But you _need_ it.”

Kihyun glares back. And glares _and glares_. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

“But did I say anything objectively untrue?”

“No…”

“Then let me help. Please.”

Kihyun looks away. “Hm…”

Changkyun opens his mouth to say something else, but all the air in his lungs rushes out when, without a warning, the sprinklers emerge from the ground and water everything around, including the two of them.

Kihyun takes water straight to the face. And Changkyun needs to backtrack a meter or two, while still holding Kihyun’s hand, if he wants to avoid the same fate.

“What the fuck,” Kihyun breathes.

Changkyun shivers. “Jesus, it’s cold!”

“Why are the sprinklers on?”

“No idea. It’s been raining for days… ugh. What a waste!”

Kihyun yanks at Changkyun’s hand. _“That?_ That’s what you’re worried about?”

“They’re killing the Earth!”

“Good thing you have your head in the stars then,” Kihyun pauses. Then shivers. “That… _aish_. I’m cringing.”

Changkyun laughs. “I’m glad that came out of your own mouth.”

“My point still stands.”

“Global warming is real, you know? We shouldn’t contribute with wasting water.”

“Shut up,” Kihyun hits Changkyun’s shoulder.

“I’m serious!”

“So am I. Shut up.”

“No.” Changkyun says, and Kihyun looks at him until he speaks again. “No. I meant… I _mean_ I’ll help you. What you said. I get it, kind of. When things go wrong, it’s so hard to know what to do next. It’s so hard to know what you did wrong and what you could’ve done better… You want it to be perfect because you think only perfect is acceptable but…”

“Changkyun…”

“No. Let me finish.” He gestures helplessly with his free hand and Kihyun gives him a wry smile. No way he is going to let Kihyun interrupt his word vomit. He is on to something here. “Someone who never fails? Seriously? They’re obviously not doing life right at all. So… let me help. _And_ global warming is tots real.”

_Passion is caring when it hurts._

And Kihyun looks unreadable when he says, “Fine.”

“Fine? It better be.”

“Hm.”

The sprinklers ahead go back down and in turn the ones right next to Changkyun come up and startle the shit out of them again.

“Shit,” Changkyun hisses, almost bumping into Kihyun.

“They’re bent on wasting water.”

Changkyun glares at the wet grass. “I’ll have to talk to the gardener tomorrow…”

“There’s a gardener?”

“Two, actually,” Changkyun mumbles a little lost in thought.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said—” Changkyun turns around to look Kihyun in the eye but everything goes out of focus because Kihyun’s face is right there. _Right fucking there._

Changkyun leans back a little, words vanishing from his brain altogether. And just as he tries (emphasis on _tries_ ) to remember what he was going to say before, Kihyun’s gaze lowers slightly and then it ricochets back up to Changkyun’s eyes, like he was caught staring.

Changkyun’s eyes widen and Kihyun doesn’t move. He looks poised to run, though.

Changkyun waits—waits and waits and waits—until, finally, unbroken this time, Kihyun closes the distance and catches Changkyun’s lips in his own. Changkyun’s mind goes blank before slowly rebooting again. And Kihyun sighs against his mouth.

It’s not desperate. The way Kihyun lets Changkyun slide a hand up his neck to pull him closer. Or the way Changkyun opens his mouth and lets Kihyun’s tongue meet his. It’s not desperate.

It’s not desperate. But it _feels_ desperate. It's not like Changkyun remembered. It's new. It’s warm. It’s something different. _And passion burns like the sun_ when both pull back just enough to stare at each other’s lips, their foreheads bumping slightly.

It feels like a shot in the dark so Changkyun kisses Kihyun again, as if to make sure they’d just kissed, but mostly because he needs to stop himself from saying something disgusting or stupid. Something between the lines of _I like you._ It only lasts a heartbeat, a warm press of lips. And this time Changkyun lets Kihyun break away from it when notices the tense of Kihyun’s whole body after their mouths meet. Kihyun doesn’t pull away, though. Face but a breath away from Changkyun’s as he stares at him.

“We…” Kihyun starts with a sigh after too many seconds and Changkyun doesn’t know what to expect. “Ice cream.” Kihyun sounds broken. But Changkyun is not doing any better.

“It’s too cold for ice cream,” he mutters, remembering they are, in fact, completely wet.

“Right.”

“Hyungwon can come down and steal his own ice cream, if he wants.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “Right.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun replies finally stepping back.

Lies. They look everywhere but at each other. And the only reassurance Changkyun has is Kihyun's hand around his, squeezing tight like _I’m here._

Should there be some sort of explanation? Or an apology? Changkyun doesn’t fucking know. He feels cold, warm and hurt and he doesn’t know why. Maybe because his clothes are wet. Maybe because it’s cold outside. Maybe because Kihyun kissed him. _Kihyun_ kissed _him,_ first.

And then, slowly, it blooms. That little, shy ball of happiness that feels misplaced. Is he allowed to be happy? Maybe… _probably._

“Do you still… ice cream?” Changkyun asks, a little confused at the way he words it.

“Shut up,” Kihyun whispers and Changkyun sees it, the way Kihyun rolls his lower lip between his teeth. _There it is…_ brain noise. And Changkyun sneezes instead of smiling.

Perihelion, the point in the orbit of a celestial body at which it is closest to the sun. Perihelion, the point at which passion burns the brightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fairly hard to write from a philosophical standpoint. I thank my girlfriend for being patient with me whenever I felt insecure. And I thank you all for taking time to read, leave kudos and comments every now and then. It helps knowing I am not doing an awful job at this, lmao. 
> 
> And don't worry. We are not even half way done here so don't go anywhere!!


	9. Asterism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did mention this was a slow burn, right? Hahahaha... ha ha.  
> NO! DON'T GO ANYWHERE! IT WILL BE FUN! I think...

**-CHANGKYUN IS NOT BORING-**  
_Minmin, Broohoney, Hyungwon, You_

 **Minmin:**  
GUYSs STAYw AWAY FROM MICROWAVED BURGERSSS

 **Broohoney:  
** what

 **Minmin:  
** I was huNGURy so I grabbeded something from 7-Eleven

 **Hyungwon:  
** Grabbeded though

 **Minmin:  
** I AM WALKINH AND TYPING AT THE SAME TIME

 **Me:  
** whats wrong the with burger

 **Minmin:  
** IDK ITS LIKE IT JUMPED INTO A POOL AND WENT FOR A SWIM

 **Me:  
** the burger??

 **Hyungwon:  
** He means soggy. The burger is soggy.

 **Broohoney:  
** maybe you microwaved it for too long b

 **Minmin:  
** IDC IT TASTED AWFUL AND thle WORST PART IS THERE WASSU A PICKILY

 **Me:  
** PICKILY!!!!

 **Broohoney:**  
oh no  
the betrayal

 **Minmin:**  
I KNOW RUGHT!!  
someone FEED ME I am desperados

 **Hyungwon:  
** Sorry, I’m busy

 **Minmin:  
** NOT TOO BUSY TO TEXT 8D

 **Hyungwon:  
** Status: please do not disturb

 **Broohoney:  
** I’m in class rn but Kyunie is free

 **Minmin:  
** KYUNNIEEEEEE

 **Me:**  
sorry  
busy

 **Minmin:  
** WITH WHAT

 **Me:**  
: )  
Ill tell you guys later

 **Minmin:**  
BUT WHAT IS IT  
AND WHAT TO DO WITH MY HUNGERER

 **Me:**  
eat a fist  
ttyl

\--

“Hey”, Changkyun hears and looks up from his phone. Kihyun is looking down at him with a frown but Changkyun smiles, unafraid. Kihyun is wearing a beanie. There is… So. Much. Forehead. It’s cute.

Changkyun shoves the notes over the table back into his backpack and flips his glasses off. “Hey!”

“You wear glasses?” Kihyun asks, sitting down.

“Sometimes,” Changkyun looks around the nearly deserted Starbucks and then nods at the cup over their table. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got you a latte.”

Kihyun stares at the white cup. Changkyun wonders, for a moment, if he messed up, but then Kihyun looks away and brings the cup closer to him. “T-Thanks.”

Almost two weeks of static, but one text and here they are. Meeting. Talking. Changkyun would throw away all those asterisms for five minutes with Kihyun. In fact, he is probably doing that right now.

“So, what’s up?” Changkyun asks, both hands flat on the table just in case they decide to move on their own and reach out, or something stupid like that.

Kihyun takes a sip from his drink and smacks his lips. “A lot.” He says, eyes on Changkyun. It’s almost unbearable.

“I’m trying really…” _don’t say hard, don’t say hard, don’t say hard_ , “like, _really_ trying to hop over the innuendo.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lip twitches up slightly and he takes another sip before putting the cup back down. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes, “You know _exactly_ what I mean.”

“Not the slightest clue.”

“You must have at least an idea of—”

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder and leans back on his chair, “Not the foggiest.”

“You’re doing that on purpose.”

“Without a shadow of a doubt.”

“Yeah, yeah—wait!”

Kihyun laughs and Changkyun’s chest fills with warmth.

It’s strange. Talking to Kihyun always feels surreal and Changkyun will never get tired of thinking about it. Changkyun is always nervous, palms sweating, like his life suddenly depends on every little interaction. But Kihyun is so easy to talk to. And, surprisingly talkative as well.

Changkyun doesn’t remember much, mostly because his brain was busy thinking about kissing and _‘ohmygod Kihyun kissed me’_ to actually register anything else, but he knows they didn’t sleep that night. He knows they talked for hours about the most trivial things they could come up with. And then Changkyun got really, really sick and didn’t leave his bed for five days (missed an exam, too).

And then nothing. No texts. Nothing. And yet, despite the antsy feeling bubbling inside his chest, that tiny, annoying ball of ‘want’, talking feels like it’s always felt: natural.

“You said you wanted to meet,” Changkyun sighs, leaning back as well, hands lingering over the table for a moment longer before dropping to his lap. “Was it your intention to tease me? Did you have a bad day, is that it? Tease Changkyun and feel better about yourself?” He looks up and snorts when he sees the face Kihyun is making. “I’m joking…”

Kihyun tongues the corner of his lips and stares for a moment longer before rolling his eyes. “Actually, I… I need your help.”

Changkyun raises both eyebrows, crosses his arms and scoffs. “You. _You_ need _my_ help?”

“You told me you wanted to help.”

“I do!” Changkyun says, leaning forward, elbows on the table, “I am just surprised you, well, said it yourself with, with so many words. Character development!”

Kihyun stares unimpressed. “I am starting to regret this…”

“I will shut up now,” Changkyun says, ‘zipping’ his mouth with two fingers and then smiling, lips pursed _. And let’s, once again, never mention we kissed. Seems healthy._

Kihyun sighs and reaches for his latte to take another sip before putting the cup back down. “So, I’ve been thinking—”

“Wow.”

“Changkyun.”

“Sorry, go on.”

“So,” Kihyun crosses his arms over the table. “Lots of people aim for the same thing, right? We got covered by the magazine and that was cool—still wondering when I will be able to see it but I guess Hyungwon will let us know. No one’s done that before.” Changkyun nods and Kihyun leans in. “So, I thought, maybe I should stop doing what everyone’s doing. And instead, focus on doing my own thing.” He leans back again, arms crossed over his chest. “Which is exactly my problem,” he shrugs, grimacing a little when he does. “Everything is too bland. Too… generic. I’m good at what I do, sure. But it’s… lacking.”

Changkyun shakes his head. “Wait. You lost me. What are you talking about, exactly?”

“My portfolio,” Kihyun says. “I want to work on it. Improve it. I am honestly tempted to just remake the whole thing.”

“Oh,” Changkyun nods, “Oh, I get it. So, you think you’ve fallen into everyone else’s generic style… and that’s why you keep being rejected…?” Kihyun doesn’t reply right away, probably too busy biting at his lips. Changkyun sighs. “Throw me a bone a here…”

Kihyun looks at him and then away. “Yes, that’s it.”

“Okay, okay,” Changkyun nods again and then shrugs. “Makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. I assume you have ideas?”

“Too many, actually,” Kihyun laughs, letting his arms fall over his lap. He stares at his latte. “But I’ve been thinking about it… and well, I wanna do it.”

Changkyun blinks. “Do it?”

“Silhouette astrophotography. A whole folder of it. And then maybe another one of scenic crap and the last one with portraits or whatever I feel like in the moment.”

Changkyun feels his chest fill with warmth because _astrophotography!_ It’s, quite literally, both of their worlds combined. “And that’s why you need my help.”

“I don’t know shit about stars, Changkyun. Just that ours is called Sun and it accounts for about 99.86% of the total mass of the Solar System.”

“Wow!” Changkyun snorts a laugh. “Did you google that? Or did you know it at the top of your head? Either way I’m impressed!”

Kihyun tilts his head and shrugs, smile a little mischievous. “Ehhh, might have… googled that, yes.”

“Well, colour me impressed!” Changkyun says, leaning back on his seat. “I mean, I keep telling Minhyuk I study astrophysics, not astrology, but he still asks me what planet is in retrograde every month.” He laughs.

Kihyun laughs, too. “Wha—What does that mean?”

“What, retrograde?”

“I’ve heard the saying, Mercury in retrograde? I think I’ve used it too because I know in what context I can use it but… I have no idea what it means.”

“Ah,” Changkyun sighs and lolls his head to the side, “it’s the appearance of a planet moving backwards from our position here on Earth. Apparently, or so Minhyuk says, it has some sort of effect on our, uhm, astral self, soul? I don’t know.”

“Oh,” Kihyun says before he takes his latte and takes a drink. “So, he’s into that.”

“Yes. And soulmates. And twin flames. And, ugh… Look, I don’t judge but… it’s interesting just not…” Changkyun shrugs. He feels like he’s digging his own grave at this point. “It’s fun but not relevant.” _There, saved._

Kihyun snorts, “Don’t sweat it. I get it.” He pauses, finger scratches at the edge of the table. “So, will you do it?” He rolls his eyes when Changkyun looks at him confused. “Help me. Will you help me?”

Changkyun smirks. “What, do cheesy stargazing? Certainly. Do you even have to ask? I offered my help, didn’t I?”

“Well, I didn’t want to assume…” Kihyun blinks and then looks down at his own hands. “You could’ve just said that in the spur of the moment.”

The spur of the moment? _Like I just said that to kiss you?_ Changkyun narrows his eyes but lets the thought in his head hang until it dissipates. “I’ll help. Don’t worry.”

And everything melts when Kihyun looks up and—fucking _beams_ at him! Changkyun lets himself slump a little as his back slides down the back of his chair. _So unfair,_ he thinks. Two weeks of nothing, partly his own fault because he chickened out and then it was too late to say something. And now Kihyun is in front of him, happy like Changkyun hasn’t seen to date, and nothing else matters.

 _What are we_ , Changkyun wants to ask. _Why did you kiss me after you implied we shouldn’t?_ But he doesn’t. He doesn’t ask because if he does then it’s real. And ‘real’ is something they’ve both been avoiding since the start.

Yet, doubts are doubts. And question remains;

_Are we a constellation or an asterism?_

“Well,” Kihyun says looking between Changkyun and the latte atop the table. “I guess… I should get going then.” He licks his lips and lets out a breath, glancing away. “My mother asked me to buy a few things on the way home.”

Changkyun bites at the inside of his cheek. “Groceries?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun nods. “Sorry to cut this short. But well, anyway, it’s a weekday and—”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Changkyun laughs. “I literally had nothing to do—” Minhyuk would kill him if he’d heard him just now and Changkyun _does have_ things to study, “so yeah… I’m glad you texted me, though.”

Kihyun smirks. “Kind of on the clock. Thank you for showing up, _though.”_

“Yeah…” Changkyun tongues where he’d been biting at his cheek. “Yeah…” _Too soon. Too little. Not enough._ He shoots up from his chair the moment Kihyun makes to get up. “Hey, can I come with?”

Kihyun blinks, his whole body paused, hand hovering over his latte. He blinks again, “Uh… Y—Yeah. If you want.”

This time, Changkyun is pretty sure he is the one beaming.

 

 

 

✩✩

 

 

“You really believe that?”

“What, that there is a person meant for you out there? Like a soulmate? Nah,” Changkyun dumps the ketchup into the carrier on Kihyun’s hand, “I guess it depends. Like, how would you define ‘soulmate’? To me, I think, it’s about chemistry. But hey, if you click then call it whatever you like.”

“Now you’re contradicting yourself.”

“Well, I mean, there _is_ always someone,” Changkyun shrugs one shoulder, “if chromosomes can find their own mates then…”

“Oh, sure,” Kihyun says flatly, holding a basket of what looks like vegetables, “The metaphase looks like a very hot-ass date.”

Changkyun laughs, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans, eyes cast down. He shrugs again, “There are worse things.” And now he is just being passive-aggressive about the whole thing. But yes, there are worse things, like not knowing exactly where you stand with someone else.

Kihyun looks up and they lock eyes for a moment before Changkyun averts his. Kihyun dumps the basket into the carrier and raises an eyebrow. “I guess you’d know.”

Changkyun turns to him, eyes wide. “Who, me?”

“You have the face of someone who’s been through some very disappointing and heart-breaking experiences.”

“The face of—” Changkyun shakes his head and laughs. “I don’t want to hear that from _you!”_

Kihyun looks away and tongues at the corner of his lips. “Fair enough,” he mumbles.

Changkyun jumps one step closer and leans in, just enough to peek at Kihyun’s face. “A penny for your thoughts?”

Kihyun glances over and then rolls his eyes, “Eggs and milk.”

“Healthy.”

“I am. Can’t say the same thing about you.”

“Hey,” Changkyun raises both hands in the air and then points one finger at Kihyun. “Leave my snacks and my sodas alone.”

“You know what that gets you?” Kihyun says, tilting his chin up and stepping closer. He pokes Changkyun’s stomach and Changkyun squirms away. “That. That! I felt that!”

Changkyun hugs himself and glares, pretending as best as he can to look offended. “Leave my flat tummy alone!”

“Flat tummy?” Kihyun gapes. “I felt that!”

Changkyun loosens the grip around himself and looks down, “What, my amazing abs?”

“What abs,” Kihyun snorts a laugh. “Oh god… You just went from flat to abs in two seconds.”

“Yes, I can be whatever you want me to be, now leave me alone.”

Kihyun throws his head back and groans softly. “You were the one who wanted to tag along,” he says, shifting a carrier from one hand to the other and waving at Changkyun to move in front of him. “Why are you so dramatic… What happened to the shy kid I met a few weeks ago?”

Changkyun turns around and walks ahead, smiling to himself. “Well, you know. Like I said, I can be whatever you want me to be.” _Just please don’t take that in the literal sense when it comes to our relationship, (or whatever you call this thing between us)._

“So, if I want you to be quiet?”

“Your wish is my command,” Changkyun sing-songs as he looks around and then gets kicked in the ass. He expected that. He just didn’t expect it to hurt that much. “You know, for such a small fry you do pack quite the punch.”

Kihyun kicks him again. “What did you call me?”

Changkyun breathes in and turns around. The words sort of leave his mouth without his consent and he knows that he can’t take them back. “I said you’re beautiful.”

Kihyun stops and stares, slightly wide-eyed. Changkyun can almost see it, Kihyun’s face a getting a little red as he bites at his bottom lip. And even though Changkyun expected a reprimand, once again, he gets something else.

Face softening considerably, Kihyun turns his head and looks at the shelf next to them. And even though Changkyun vaguely remembers calling Kihyun ‘pretty’ before (at the party), Changkyun doesn’t remember getting the silent treatment. He doesn’t really mind, though. Not if the silence between them holds meaning.

Kihyun wordlessly picks up a random item from the shelf and drops it into the carrier, as if that’s what he’d intended to do all along and not something he had to improvise to excuse his brain paralysis.

He sways for a second or two before looking down and walking around Changkyun. “Come on,” he says and it’s almost a whisper. Changkyun wonders if he might have gone too far, if he might have said too much. But honestly, he can’t pick up any bad vibes floating around the air, so he shuts those thoughts down and goes and says the next random thing that comes up, because once is not enough, obviously.

“You seem happy, today.”

Kihyun turns his face but doesn’t look over his shoulder. “I do?”

“Well,” Changkyun shrugs one shoulder. “I haven’t seen you for two weeks… But yeah. You seem happier. Like, the first _you_ I met.”

“The first _me_ you met was slightly drunk,” Kihyun jokes.

“The first _me_ you met was _very_ drunk.”

They turn into the next aisle and Kihyun grabs a pack of eggs, checks for broken shells and then places the pack in the carrier.

“True, I remember. You could barely stand up,” He says.

“Thank god you were there.”

“Yeah,” Kihyun smiles. “I am nice like that.”

“You joke,” Changkyun nods, “but you _are_ nice.”

Kihyun gets the milk from the next section and then waves Changkyun away. “Yes, yes, now you’re just buttering me up.” He says that but Changkyun notices the little smile.

They walk around the store one more time even though they don’t take anything. Changkyun is not certain if it’s a subconscious effort on their behalf to stay just five more minutes or if it’s a mere coincidence. But it feels nice. Also, a little sad. Because maybe he won’t see Kihyun for another two weeks.

“So,” Kihyun says as he rolls his eyes at the self-checkout when it spits a foot-long receipt. He rips the paper from the machine and it spits out another one. _“God!”_ He sighs and Changkyun laughs, holding his tongue between his teeth.

“So…?”

“So!” Kihyun shoves the papers inside the plastic back and turns towards the doors. “About what we talked. Can you help me?”

“You mean,” Changkyun feels the cold breeze on his neck as they step outside, “stargazing?”

“It’s photography, Changkyun.”

Changkyun laughs and nods. “Yes, stargazing photography.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Why do I even bother…” He shivers a little with the sudden cold and pulls the sleeves of his sweater further down. _Cute._

Total darkness by 7:30pm. The days _are_ getting longer, but still not long enough. Changkyun still wishes they didn’t have to part ways.

“I said I’d do it,” he nods. “So just… text me whenever.” Suddenly, everything feels awkward and antsy and Changkyun is pretty sure it has something to do with the subject they haven’t addressed yet and probably never will.

Kihyun shifts the bag from one hand to the other and sighs, looking around as he nods. “Okay. Will do.” He bites at his lower lip then and looks down. “Uhm… Wednesday.”

Changkyun frowns. “Wednesday?”

“Are you free?”

“I, uh, yes, after class…” Changkyun lets out a long breath, his heart a little louder than before. “Why? Wanna met up?” He looks around. “I mean, we could go on Wednesday but I have class on Thursday morning and—”

“I don’t mean it like that.”

“Then… how do you mean it?”

Kihyun looks up, eyes shifting all over, barely staying on Changkyun’s face. “Remember when Hoseok suggested you should come by the studio?” He shrugs one shoulder and nods. “I just thought that maybe you’d… like to take up on that offer.”

Changkyun blinks. He thinks for a moment. Tilts his head and turns the thought over in his mind. He frowns. “Wait. Are you asking me—” Don’t! _Im Changkyun, don’t finish that sentence!_ “—Uh… if I wanna come by the studio to… learn how to… dance?” _Ohmygod, Changkyun why are you this awkward?_

“Well,” Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Someone needs to fight that stupid diet of yours. Might do you some good.”

Changkyun snorts. “You know that it might also give me a heart attack, right?”

“Oh, I’m counting on it.”

“Aw, you’re so nice…”

“Always.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun smiles. “You _do_ sound happier.”

Kihyun blinks at him and then glances away. “Maybe… I can’t really tell.”

Changkyun shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looks down. “Well, I can. Anyway… I,” he glances up, his heart loud in his ears again, “I’ll see you Wednesday?”

“Y—Yeah,” Kihyun nods, slowly taking a step back. “Yeah. Wednesday.”

“See ya, then,” Changkyun says, smiling as he takes a step back, as well.

“See ya,” Kihyun smiles back.

And that’s it.

That’s what it is, Changkyun realises. Not a constellation. An asterism. Which, while similar to a constellation, differs mostly in that a constellation is an officially recognized area of the sky, while an asterism is a visually obvious collection of stars and the lines used to mentally connect them.

Changkyun walks slowly, feet light on the pavement as he kicks an invisible rock and throws his head back with a soft groan. He sighs and his mind wanders. An identified pattern of stars. Any identified pattern of stars. It could be something. It could be nothing. In this case, something pending towards nothing. Changkyun wishes he could turn nothing into something.

His phone buzzes and he reaches for it, taking his time to play around with the home button before he notices the text on the screen. He bites at his upper lip and smiles, thumb sliding over the text.

\--

** -Kihyun- **

**Kihyun:  
** Thank you for coming with me

 **Me:**  
awwwww cute  
dw I wont tell anyone you have a heart

 **Kihyun:**  
Again  
Why do I bother

 **Me:  
** did it contribute in any way to your happiness?

 **Kihyun** :  
What  
Grocery shopping with you?

 **Me:**  
LMAO  
I didnt wanna make it sound that domestic but hey  
you said it

 **Kihyun:  
** What would you call then

 **Me:  
** just answer the damn question

 **Kihyun:  
** See you Wednesday

 **Me:**  
: (  
seeee yaaaaa

\--

It’s not even a minute. Changkyun doesn’t even have time to feel sorry for himself.

\--

 **Kihyun:  
** Yes it did.

\--

It’s the only thing Kihyun texts and the only thing Changkyun holds onto.

Sometimes, asterisms harbour constellations, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now playing: [Odyssey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTzwCeXvKow) by Fleurie.


	10. Culmination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything has come full circle.  
> WINK WINK ~

The back of Kihyun’s head hits the floor hard when he lies on his back. He’s stares at the ceiling, breath heavy, skin feeling both warm and cold. He can feel his brain zoning out and focusing on irrelevant, irrelevant things. Like…

“So, wait,” He hears Hoseok say and turns his head slightly to look at him, “You invited him _here?”_ Hoseok bends down, hands on his knees and takes a deep breath before he looks at Kihyun. “Not that… it’s a bad thing but… not the best date setting you could think of.”

Kihyun looks away and slaps a hand over his face. “I know, I just,” He sits up and looks at his reflection in the wall mirror. “I kind of… freaked out.”

“Of course you did,” Hoseok says and then scoffs, straightening back up. “You realize Shownu and I will be here, too, right?”

“Well—” Hyunwoo grunts, as he gets up from where he was sitting on the floor just a few feet away, “We can lea—”

“And we are not leaving!” Hoseok almost shouts.

Of course they’re not leaving. Why would they? Why would anyone? It’s not a date, is it? Maybe it is, Kihyun is not sure. He’s had time to think about it. Actually, it’s all he’s been thinking about for the past two weeks (minus a few priorities, which should be obvious), but he keeps arriving at different conclusions every time he does.

He’s thought about staying away, because being near Changkyun makes his heart flutter and his mind run a bunch of different scenarios about how it could work out. But then something goes wrong, be it life in general or more specific things, and he’s running back to his initial idea: he has more important things to focus on.

“Do you like the guy?” Asks Hyunwoo.

Kihyun gets up and rubs at his nose, sniffing a little when he does. He locks eyes with himself in the mirror and suddenly feels the need to look away. Thank god he is already flushed from dancing, because otherwise…

“Yeah,” he says. “I do.”

“Hm, well, he is cute. I’ll give you that.”

Hoseok gasps, “Shownu! That’s gay!”

“So are you and you don’t see me acting shocked.”

_“Faaaair.”_

“I kissed him,” Kihyun announces, clearing his throat when his voice breaks a little at the end. He gets what he expects.

 _“You what!?”_ Hoseok shouts. Thankfully Hyunwoo just smiles and shakes his head. “Kihyun! Make up your damn mind!” Hoseok stresses. “You told me you didn’t want to get involved and then you go and kiss him?”

Kihyun feels his eyebrows knit. “I know, okay? I know!” He sighs exasperatedly, fists his hand and knocks at his own forehead repeatedly. “I know! But… I had a bad day and… he makes everything sound so damn simple!” Kihyun lets his hand fall. “I thought it was just… for comfort. But then I saw him the other day and… I don’t know, okay?”

Hoseok stares with a face Kihyun would have laughed at if he wasn’t so busy concentrating on trying not to blush. Hyunwoo is still just smiling (it’s seriously starting to get annoying).

“Go ahead, judge me,” Kihyun grumbles as he gestures dismissively. “Just because you two find it easy to, to, deal with this sorta thing, doesn’t mean it works like that for everyone, okay? I have—”

“We know, Ki.”

Kihyun sighs. “I just… Last time I actually gave a damn about someone it blew up in my face. Things got complicated and then at home, too, and… I don’t want to—”

“We know…” Hoseok repeats.

“Then why are you always nagging?”

Hoseok laughs. “Nagging? Ah, yeah, I guess I do that. Hyungwon’s mentioned it as well. You’re rubbing off on me. Anyway, I just… I just don’t want you to get stuck in a cycle of indecisiveness when you actually know what you want…  Because you _know_ , don’t you?”

Kihyun frowns and tilts his head. “Maybe?”

“You better hurry up, then,” Shownu says. He looks around and then at Kihyun. “People don’t wait forever for other people to make up their minds.”

Kihyun bites at his lower lip. “I know…” He knows. But last time he decided too early and it ended the exact same way, with a mess of feelings and misunderstandings in his hands he had no idea how to deal with. With a family that didn’t look kindly on his life choices either. And now that he’s finally getting the hang of things, finally fixing it, it happens again. It’s not too late to turn back yet, but…

“You know I am far too stubborn when I care about something, or someone,” he says, “and you know how it’ll be once… _if_ it gets serious. I don’t want to end up having to deal with, with _that_.” And by ‘that’ he means a broken heart.

“Yeah,” Hoseok smiles small, “yeah, we know. But hey, my door is always open, and my bed is big enough for three!”

“Three?”

“Well, you knoooooow, in case Hyungwon is staying over and you need comfort—”

 _“Hell no!!”_ Kihyun huffs, taking off his shoe to throw it at Hoseok. He misses, by a lot. Which frustrates him enough to make him laugh a little.

Sometimes, it’s hard to get past certain things. Especially when the world is bent on proving someone wrong.

 _‘Wish we could’ve met a few years ago. Maybe then…’_ Maybe then, if only, what if… the words nightmares are made of. _Wish we could have met before, when I had nothing to prove. Wish we could’ve met before I got my hopes crushed. Wish we could have met before I fell in love the first time_. Maybe then… Maybe it would have worked out.

_‘You’re not romantic at all.’_

_‘Arts? Photography? How will that put food on the table!?’_

_‘Too conservative. Hilarious, considering…’_

_‘Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.’_

Kihyun grabs his sneaker from the floor and crouches to untie the knot. “Working hard for what you want is a lot safer, a lot easier to deal with, when everything depends on you,” he says. “When a second party is involved, then it’s not just you anymore.” He sighs. “That’s all there is to it.”

“Sounds a bit lonely, though. Don’t you think?” Hoseok chirps.

“Yeah… yeah, it, it does.”

It was supposed to be a one-time thing. A _get it out of his system_ thing. A _kiss a boy at a random party_ thing and then move on with life. Of course, it’s never that simple.

He didn’t just get a kiss.

He got a name, too.

 

 

✩✩

 

 

Changkyun bounces a little where he sits on the floor with crossed legs. “Okay, next?”

Kihyun flips another flashcard and squints. “Viewing an object by looking slightly to its side?” There’s a little trail of sweat sticking to his hairline. Changkyun doesn’t know why that makes him smile. “Do you kno—”

“Oh! Oh!” Changkyun snaps his fingers and looks down. “Av—Averted… Averted vision! The technique can help detect faint objects that are invisible when staring directly at them.”

“Correct,” Kihyun chuckles, flipping another flashcard. “Alright. The transition to night vision?”

A squeak noise startles Changkyun and he glances to the side, where Shownu and Wonho are teaching another kid a dance move. A slight ball of guilt takes over. Kihyun should be there, too, and yet here he is instead, helping Changkyun study for his unannounced upcoming exam. Not like Changkyun asked him to, Kihyun just saw the flashcards and asked if he could help. Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to say no.

“Night vision?” He asks absently. _Shownu really is a good dancer…_

“Hey, eyes over here,” Kihyun says flatly, waving a hand in front of Changkyun. “You can drool after we’re done.”

Changkyun blinks at him. “Drool? I wasn’t!”

“Yeah, sure,” Kihyun scoffs, flipping the flashcard and squinting again. “Night vision, Changkyun.”

“I have no ide—”

“Dark adaptation,” Kihyun mumbles as he reads the back of the card, “sounds ominous…”

“Ah! Yes! Dark adaption is the eyes’ transition to night vision, in order to see faint objects. It is rapid during the first 5 or 10 minutes after you leave a well-lit room, but full adaptation requires at least a half hour— _and_ it can be ruined by a momentary glance at a bright light.”

“I know a bit about this,” Kihyun says, “Photo-bleaching. Those white and red and blue blotches you see in the dark after staring into a light or when you look at the sun for a bit… And it happens to the cells in your retina which is the light sensitive bit at the back of your eye. It's populated with cells full of light sensitive pigments. If it’s sudden then the adaptation lasts between 5 to 10 minutes, yes.”

Changkyun smiles. “That’s cool. So annoying, though. Imagine you’re being chased by Slenderman in the middle of a forest and then you look at your own flashlight and—” Kihyun interrupts him with a laugh.

“Wha--What the hell are you on about?”

“Just saying! Or, or if you’re in a The Last Of Us setting and suddenly the electricity gets cut off—”

Kihyun bends down to laugh. “W—Why would someone look at their own flashlight while running away from Slenderman, though?” Kihyun laughs again. “That’s so stupid!”

“You say that, but I know I would.”

“You’re stupid.”

Changkyun nods seriously, “A perfectly sound conclusion. I mean, you asked me here and I made you study with me. How’s that for stupid.”

Kihyun sniffs a little, eyes cast down and shrugs one shoulder, flipping another flashcard. “It’s not like I had something in mind, to be honest. Plus, it’s fun. I’m learning.”

“You are?” Changkyun blinks, his heart skips a beat.

“Yeah…?” Kihyun chuckles and then licks his lips. “Culmination, another ominous word.”

Changkyun blinks, realizing he’d just been staring at Kihyun’s lips for an unadvisable amount of time. He glances to the side, eyes narrowed and on Wonho as he does—whatever that leg move is called.

“Hey!” Kihyun slaps Changkyun’s knee and chuckles. “Focus on me!” He waves the flashcards. “Culmination!”

“I—I don’t know…”

Kihyun hits him with the flashcards. “That’s ‘cause you’re distracted. Focus!”

“W—Well, I mean,” Changkyun glances away again. “Wouldn’t you? I know you’re probably used to it, but they’re good.” He closes his eyes and wobbles. “I feel very attacked.”

“Fine,” Kihyun sighs, putting the flashcards down and getting up. “Come on,” he says tilting his head over.

Changkyun blinks. “What?” He points. “There?” He gapes. “With them?” He shakes his head and gapes again. “With _you?”_ Kihyun smiles a little at the stressed ‘you’. “You know I kinda suck, right?”

Kihyun steps closer and crouches in front of Changkyun and— _ohmygod he’s too close_. “And I recall,” Kihyun sing-songs before he pokes at Changkyun’s stomach. He smirks. “Ah, there they are. The sodas and the snacks.”

Changkyun wiggles away and hugs himself. “I don’t like this agenda of yours. I am beautiful the way I am,” he sticks his tongue out. To his surprise, though, Kihyun just laughs and looks away with a sigh.

“Yes, I know. Come on, idiot.”

Did… Did Kihyun just call him ‘beautiful’? Changkyun feels his face burn, shifty eyes on everything but Kihyun. “My ass is glued to this floor,” Changkyun says, voice tense. “Like, this spot right here—no no no no, don’t—!”

Kihyun grabs Changkyun’s hand and pulls him up, sending him wobbling towards the middle of the room. “Come on, you can drool now.”

“I was drooling just fine over there!”

“What?” Hoseok huffs, turning around slightly. The kid next to him turns, too, eyes a little round and wide and a bright smile on his face. _Why is everyone who’s friends with Wonho a freakin’ visual!?_

Kihyun tilts his chin up, “We’re teaching him.”

Changkyun feels his heartbeat spike. “I’m afraid…”

“We’re teaching him!” Wonho beams. _Beams!_ Changkyun’s little heart can’t take it.

“Fine…” He says and Shownu smiles at him, too. “Fine!” Changkyun repeats.

 

 

✩✩

 

 

The cold welcomes them but Changkyun can barely feel it. He doesn’t even put on his jacket, just tugs at his hoodie and pulls the hood over his head. Hoseok, unsurprisingly, walks out wearing a t-shirt and only dresses his sweater once the cold breeze blows and the trees rustle.

“My legs are wobbly,” Changkyun states. “I think I will fall down those stairs over there…”

“Oh,” Hoseok looks over, “I have a banana here, do you want it? It helps!”

Changkyun shakes his head but Shownu leans in over his shoulder. “Can I eat it?” He asks.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hoseok slides his backpack from his shoulder and moves it to the front.

Changkyun looks around and sees Kihyun staring at his phone just a few feet behind them. “Hey, where are we going next?” Changkyun asks. Are they even going somewhere? Are they supposed to go somewhere? Was this a date? Is it going to be a date now?

Kihyun looks up, only mildly distracted when the boy from earlier (whose name Changkyun has already forgotten) walks out of the studio and waves at them. Kihyun waves back and smiles a little and then looks at Changkyun. His eyes shift to Wonho for a moment and Kihyun squints. “Wherever you want. I was thinking, maybe… coffee?” He shrugs and looks down at his phone again. “I think I’ll need to burn the midnight oil tonight…”

“Something due tomorrow?” Wonho asks, handing the banana to Shownu over Changkyun’s head.

“Yeah, apparently…”

Changkyun nods. “Lattes coming up.” He smiles when Kihyun smiles (at his phone but it counts, right?) But then…

“Ah, Kihyun doesn’t like lattes,” Wonho chuckles. And Changkyun can see the smile on Kihyun’s face fade and his eyebrows furrow as he starts biting at his lower lip, eyes locked on the screen.

Changkyun squints. He’s pretty sure Kihyun drank a latte the last time they were together. He did, right? He did… Changkyun paid for it.

“You… don’t?” Changkyun asks.

Kihyun sighs and shoves his phone in the pocket of his jacket. “Irrelevant, come on.” He nods. “Let’s go. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“See ya!” Hoseok waves, grin wide and obvious.

 _“Hee_ ya,” Shownu waves, too, mouth stuffed.

Kihyun walks by, tilting his chin up to gesture at Changkyun to move. Changkyun waves at the other two and then follows after him. Thankfully, he doesn’t fall down the stairs. Thankfully, he doesn’t make a fool out of himself.

They walk in silence for a while. Changkyun’s mind is too busy going through the memories made in the last two hours, making sure to file some into his long-term memory archive. Like, the look on Kihyun’s face when he’s focused. The sharpness of his movements. The way his eyes turn into crescents when his smiles. How smiling comes so naturally to him when he is not actively stressing about something else. The cocky tilt he makes when he’s teasing. The frown and the hooded eyes when he—

“Earth to Changkyun?” Kihyun chuckles next to him.

Changkyun blinks and looks over. “Yeah?”

“I said you’re good.” Kihyun smiles and then tilts his head over his shoulder, motioning back. “You learn quickly. I think you’d be good if you tried.” He probably notices the lost expression on Changkyun’s face and laughs. “I mean dancing. For someone who’s never done that before… You should totally sign up. Hyunwoo is a great teacher.”

“O—Oh! Okay… I, yeah…” Changkyun nods and looks down. “My legs are still wobbling, by the way.”

“Like your knees are going to give up? I know the feeling. It’ll pass.”

Changkyun nods again. “Y—You’re… really good, too.”

“At dancing?” Kihyun teases. _Teases!_

“Yes…”

Kihyun shrugs. “I’m okay. And no, not overly modest. Just a fact.”

Changkyun nods _again_. He needs to stop doing that. He searches his mind for something to say, eyes moving between the few passers-by on the sidewalk and the passing cars that blind him with bright headlights.

“So,” Changkyun licks his lips, he feels them cold and dry, “You don’t like lattes…”

Kihyun huffs a laugh, eyes trained forward. “Uhm… great. Now it’s awkward.”

“Is it?” Changkyun frowns. Thinks. “You… you don’t like lattes but you drank the one I—”

“It would have been a waste so…” Kihyun tongues at the corner of his lips. “Please, forget about that. It’s okay, really. Don’t worry.”

“No, I…” Changkyun stops walking and Kihyun stops to look at him. “What do you like?”

Kihyun frowns. “I…” Changkyun notices Kihyun’s mouth move to say something but he stops himself, eyes a little wide. He looks away then and takes a deep breath. “Coffee.”

Changkyun scrunches his nose. “Just coffee? It’s so bitter…”

“I’m aware,” Kihyun laughs. Changkyun really likes it when Kihyun laughs. Changkyun really likes it when Kihyun smiles. Changkyun really likes Kihyun.

“Okay, then. I’ll buy you coffee, today.” Changkyun chirps.

“You don’t need to buy me a—”

“No. But I want to.” He steps closer and leans in slightly to look Kihyun in the eye. “Will you let me buy you a coffee?” It’s a very indirect way of asking ‘Will you go on a date with me?’ because Changkyun knows… He knows Kihyun will want to run away the moment things get too confrontational (for reasons Changkyun doesn’t understand—yet). And Changkyun knows Kihyun is a lot of things, but he is not dumb.

They hold their gazes for a moment before Kihyun is ducking his face, looking away. “I don’t know,” he mutters. “Maybe…”

Maybe… Kihyun is always about maybes. One day yes. The next day no.

Changkyun shakes his head, half in scepticism, half in frustration that he can’t seem to convey this feeling in his chest. It weighs on his heart, like it’s pinned underneath the sole of a shoe. And then he remembers… so, he offers his hand, waving it slightly in front of Kihyun’s face. Kihyun, who looks quizzically at him.

“Recharging,” Changkyun says. “I need it.” He shrugs dismissively and looks away. “Tough day. You made me dance. And now you tell me ‘maybe’ when I offer to buy you coffee, the one thing I was looking forward to all week.” He peeks at Kihyun’s face and sees it, the confused and sheepish look. “So?” Changkyun waves his hand again.

Kihyun opens his mouth and then closes it, eyeing a passer-by. “I, uh…” He sighs. “Okay,” he breathes, taking Changkyun’s hand and looking at him rather seriously. “One coffee.”

Changkyun’s heart stutters and then lap-dances in his chest. He squeezes Kihyun’s hand and smiles, earning a little smile back, too. Changkyun knows he’s just crossed it: that thick line above the horizon. There’s no turning back, now. Whatever happens, happens. A scary thought, indeed. Be it good or bad, whatever happens, happens.

And then Changkyun remembers, like being hit by a truck. He slaps his own forehead and groans, “Ah! I remembered!”

Kihyun snorts a laugh, thumb absently soothing over Changkyun’s hand. “W—What…”

“The moment when a celestial object crosses the meridian and is thus at its highest above the horizon! That… Culmination.”

Kihyun steps closer, shoves his other hand into the pocket of Changkyun’s hoodie and brings out the flashcards. It’s amusing how he goes through them with one hand, holding a few between his lips as he goes through the others. And then… his eyes skim over the last one and he smiles. “Correct,” he says and looks up. “Doubt they will let you write that one down after the exam is done, though. A bit of a delayed reaction there.”

“You kidding? I am not forgetting now.” Changkyun scoffs and looks around, hiding their hands from the passing crowd. Kihyun seems to notice and seems to relax a bit, too. Changkyun is glad the thought crossed his mind. He smiles. “So? Verdict? Think I’ll pass?”

Kihyun shoves the flashcards into his own jacket now. “Oh, I never doubted. But I will quiz you again,” He says as he starts walking backwards, arm laid between them as he pulls Changkyun with him. “Over coffee. And a latte because you like that crap.”

“Oh! So, it’s crap now, is it? Gotcha.” Changkyun nods all serious as he lets Kihyun guide him.

Changkyun’s life as never been particularly colourless. But he feels like he’s always been at odds with it. Today, however, it’s starting to shine a little brighter. He might actually fall in love if he gets it right. Scary, truly. But it will always be something worth remembering, no matter the outcome.

Everyone has expectations and sometimes they go wrong. But Changkyun is not afraid to think with that thing in his chest instead of his head.

“Hey, Kihyun,” Changkyun says, swinging their hands a little.

Kihyun looks at him and blinks. “Hm?”

_Wanna fall in love?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here to announce we have entered the ending arc for this fic ~  
> I really hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Initially, this fic was supposed to be a very sad one-shot from Kihyun's pov. He goes to a party to blow off some steam; Meets a guy he likes; They talk all night and kiss all night; And they never see each other again. BUT I AM WEAK! And I couldn't bring myself to write that... So, I thought: what if they do see each other again? And Got a Kiss was born ~


	11. Parallax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's the first time I am giving you Kihyun's perspective with Changkyun nearby... He gets the dokis, too.

At a given instant, the moon appears among different stars for people at widely separated locations on Earth. It’s the apparent offset of a foreground object against the background when perspective changes.

Perspective. That’s important, too, right? Right. Because sometimes even if two people are looking at the exact same thing, moving towards the exact same goal, what they glimpse at the end of the line looks different for the two of them.

Changkyun lives in the moment. He worries and stresses about things like any other human being. But the past is in the past. Memories to reminisce. Not memories to build a world to live in. As for the future? It’s important to have goals. But no one should get stuck in the future for too long either. It’s the journey that counts. The present. That’s what his heart beats for. It beats in the present for a chance in the future.

But not everyone sees life the same way. Some people are forever living their past like it’s still happening today. Others are so concerned with what might happen in the future that, once the future has a deadline, they worry they didn’t live enough yet.

Kihyun, Changkyun finds, is someone who carries the past with him and worries too much about the future, both at the same time. Perspective, Changkyun understands, changes with experience, too. But maybe things don’t have to be so black and white all the time. And, in a way, Changkyun really hopes he can bring a little colour into Kihyun’s life, the same way Kihyun colours his life, too.

“Okay, ready?” Changkyun grins. He reaches out for the magazine Hyungwon is hiding behind his back to give it a little tug, but Hyungwon slaps his hand away. Changkyun’s grin falters and he looks over and stares. “Seriously? I know it’s your thing but—”

“Shut up. It’s my thing,” Hyungwon grumbles, squirming away when Changkyun tries to reach for the magazine again.

“This is like a doctor appointment,” Jooheon muses. “It’s cancer, isn’t it, doc?” He sighs dramatically and leans over the table, shaking his head. “Aish…” He glances at Minhyuk, who’s smiling wide at him, “Aish,” Jooheon says again and hides his face and Minhyuk giggles.

Kihyun sighs, too, and crosses his arms as he leans back on his chair, a rather soft glare going between Changkyun and Hyungwon. Hoseok, on the other hand, is beaming with joy (he’d seen the magazine already, after all, so he knew what to expect), his udon soup forgotten on his tray, pushed slightly aside.

“The suspense is killing me,” Shownu nods. “I would hate to die in the cafeteria of a university I don’t even go to anymore.” He pauses and frowns. “On second thought, a cafeteria wouldn’t be a bad place to haunt.”

Kihyun glances at him, smiling a little. “Because you’d scare the kids off and steal their food?”

“It’s not stealing if they leave it behind,” Shownu explains with a shrug and a little smile of his own.

“Guys,” Hyungwon warns, “please, focus.” And Changkyun manages to snatch the magazine from his hands and spins away towards the group.

“Look! It’s out!”

Everyone (except Kihyun) leans forward to look at it and then their silence is followed by a loud bunch cheers and whistles.

“This looks so good! Kihyun, your name is on the cover!” Minhyuk squeals.

“In the smallest case possible,” Kihyun deadpans, “because who cares about the photographer, right, Mr. Editor?”

Hyungwon frowns. “Your name looks as big as mine!”

“Calm down, my boys,” Minhyuk says, “We’re not here to measure dicks.”

“Why not?” Kihyun squints. “I’ve heard tall guys have small dicks.”

“And I’ve heard guys with small hands have small penises,” Hyungwon grumbles.

Changkyun blinks between the two of them, trying not to grin like an idiot. Kihyun frowns and— _oh god, he actually looked at his hands to check!_ And then blushes a little and looks away to grumble to himself. Hyungwon, obviously, looks smug _as fuck._

The magazine circles around and Minhyuk almost bites at Jooheon’s hand to be able to flip through it without being bothered.

“It looks really good,” Shownu nods as he looks over Minhyuk’s shoulder. “You guys did a really good job.” He looks up. “I assume you got a good grade…?”

Hyungwon grins. “The best grade.”

“Oh! Good job!”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, hey!” Minhyuk waves Hyungwon over, eyes squinting at the front cover. “Isn’t this a typo?” He points at the quote at the top. “One small step…”

Hyungwon doesn’t even move. He just sighs and rolls his eyes. “No, you ignorant idiot. The original quote is _‘One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind’_. Everyone just keeps misquoting the man and ending up with a fallacy.”

Changkyun nods, “If you say, _‘One small step for man’_ , then it should be ‘men’. Which, followed by ‘mankind’, kinda sounds like you’re saying the same thing while contradicting yourself.”

Minhyuk scrunches his nose. “You, nerds, need to slow down. What?”

“You really are slow,” Hyungwon snorts. “Someone shine light on his brain, please.”

Jooheon takes that literally and turns the flashlight of his phone on to wave it around Minhyuk’s head. “You think it goes through his skull?” He grins. “Or is it too thick?” He asks and Minhyuk hisses at him.

Changkyun joins in, slaps his hands together and prays, in his deepest voice “In the absence of light, shadows thrive. Do not falter. Enlightenment shall come.” He tries not to smile when Kihyun laughs at him.

“Ugh! That’s it! I’m out of here!” Minhyuk grumbles as he reaches for his backpack and shoves the magazine into Kihyun’s hands. “I’ll see you annoying gays after class!” And storms off.

He’s still in earshot when Shownu says, “Not gay!”

“I know, honey!” Minhyuk throws over his shoulder.

Jooheon gapes. “The betrayal…”

“Well,” Wonho says, getting up in a _sinful_ stretch, “all this comradery made me hungry. I am going to get something to eat since we’re already here. Wonnie?”

Hyungwon reaches for the magazine and nods. “Get me something. I just need to go put this back. The two of you,” he moves his finger between Changkyun and Kihyun, “should come collect your copies later.”

Changkyun perks up. “I get a copy, too?”

“Everyone involved gets one.”

“Nice! I’ll be there!” He turns to Kihyun then. “By the way, are we still on for tonight?”

Jooheon looks up at the same time Kihyun does, except only Kihyun smiles and says, “Yeah.” Jooheon just looks mildly confused, somewhat betrayed, too. _Yes, Changkyun might have forgotten to keep him up to date with the latest developments._

That being said, Changkyun is meeting Kihyun tonight to do, as Kihyun would call it, ‘Cheesy stargazing photography’! And he’s counting the hours, counting the minutes and the seconds left. Might be nothing, might be everything. But maybe if Changkyun asks the right questions, waits for the right answers… well, _maybe then_.

 

 

✩✩

 

 

The night rides in, the warmest this year yet, pure midnight velvet beckoned by the stars under the glow of a full moon. Everything is visible to the naked eye despite the city lights on the horizon.

They’re on roof of the library, courtesy of Changkyun and Hyunwoo (mostly Hyunwoo using his charms to convince the lady to lend them the key—school project, had been the original excuse), and Kihyun just finished setting up the tripod. Changkyun is still ranting, blabbing from where he kneels in the middle of the floor.

“There’s that,” Changkyun goes on, pulling at something from inside his bag, voice strained when he has to pull a little harder, “and then there’s the CATAM classes I signed up for.” Changkyun falls back on his ass when he manages to bring his laptop out from underneath a handful of books.

Kihyun chuckles, looks down to change the ISO of his camera. “CATAM classes? Am I supposed to know what that stands for?”

“Computer-Aided Teaching of All Mathematics!” Changkyun says enthusiastically. “I signed up because I figured I’d be bored.”

“Bored?” Kihyun looks up at him. A question pops in Kihyun’s head and he bites at his lower lip. He looks down again, mistakenly switching the camera back to AUTO and frowning at himself when he notices he just messed up the settings again. “Aren’t you going home like everybody else?”

Changkyun hums. “Well, yeah but… My parents’ holidays don’t coincide with mine this year. So, I guess it’s just me, alone pressing my own buttons, again.”

“What do your parents do?”

“They’re scientists,” Changkyun chirps. “Dad’s a teacher, too.”

Kihyun smiles a little as he goes through the settings again. “Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“Honestly?” Changkyun laughs a little, looking up when Kihyun does. “I hate studying. They just took advantage of my curiosity and shoved astronomy books on me when I was a kid.”

Something warm bubbles inside Kihyun’s chest. Maybe that’s curiosity, too, bundled together with something else, something that has been eating at him for quite some time. “I think you’re doing just fine.”

“Not wasting my time, then?” Changkyun asks casually, or at least that’s what he tries for. Kihyun can tell there’s a little bite in his voice. Granted, Kihyun deserved that one. He did imply, and more or less quoted his father, when he told Changkyun to focus on just one thing, to worry about his future instead of trivial things like… like feelings. But that was—oh, so many weeks ago.

Kihyun shrugs one shoulder, tongues at the corner of his lips. “I guess that’s fair…”

Changkyun chuckles. “Yeah? Noted.”

Kihyun finishes setting his camera over the tripod and sighs, looking up at the starry sky. There’s a lot more light pollution here than there was the first time he did this.

“God,” Changkyun whines, “I hate the Campus’ webpage… just load!” He groans and throws his head back. Kihyun tries not to linger too much on that and looks away—as if that would erase the image from his brain… it just keeps going, like a gif on loop.

“What are you doing?” He asks to keep the conversation going. Maybe that will make the thoughts stop. It’s so much easier to think decently when Changkyun is not around. Because when he _is_ around then… Kihyun just hopes it doesn’t show. So far, at least, he’s been doing a pretty good job at not showing. But every meeting increases the possibility of that changing.

“Trying to load up this page…” Changkyun squints. “It gives you a detailed version of the night sky, with constellation names and so on. It’s a good guide.”

“I thought you knew that already.”

“Oh, I know,” Changkyun grins at him. “But you don’t.” He pats the floor next to where he’s sitting. “Come here, come here.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and reluctantly walks towards Changkyun and sits on the floor next to him. _Don't show, don't show, don't show._  “I think your page crashed,” Kihyun mumbles as he eyes the computer screen.

Changkyun gasps and hits the refresh button. “It was working just fine this afternoon!”

“Life hates you.”

“It certainly does,” Changkyun pouts, hitting the refresh button again. His eyes widen considerably when the screen turns black and the page finally loads, little dots appearing all over. He grins, then. “Hacker voice, _we’re in.”_

Kihyun rolls his eyes but smiles. “Okay. Now what.”

“Now!” Changkyun reaches back into his bag to grab a little laser pointer, “Story time! I will throw random shit at you, you pick whatever you find meaning in.” He tilts his head, eyes on the computer. “We’ll make a general shooting now, so I can tell you how to find them and… well, then,” he shrugs, eyebrows knitting a little, “fly little bird, I guess.”

Kihyun blinks. “You think one lesson is enough?”

“Pretty sure, yeah. I’m a great teacher,” Changkyun mumbles, tapping something over the keyboard. “If you still have questions after tonight, I’ll…” He trails off, licks his lips and frowns.

Kihyun blinks, again. “You’ll…?”

Changkyun’s frown increases, the corners of his lips tip down. Kihyun is almost concerned for a moment as Changkyun drags the, “I’ll…” And then stops. “Alright! First one.” He smiles.

It’s a little off-putting, the way Kihyun's heart suddenly skips. Because he knows, or at least he hoped (which is worse than knowing) Changkyun was going to mention something important, something that needs to be brought up as soon as possible. Something Kihyun has been avoiding by focusing on other things, something Changkyun hasn’t mentioned yet because he’s just _like that,_ not bringing things up in consideration of others, or maybe for himself.

“So, let’s start with the big one,” Changkyun says, wiggling a little where he sits. “Andromeda, the royal sea monster bait—”

Kihyun snorts a laugh. “The what?”

Changkyun snorts, too, and elbows Kihyun on the arm. “Shut up!” He laughs. “An—Andromeda is, supposedly, the daughter of Cassiopeia and Cepheus in Greek mythology, okay?” He leans towards Kihyun and nods once, eyebrow raised. Kihyun just stares at him in amusement and raises an eyebrow in response. “Unfortunately, to appease the gods, she was chained and fed to the sea monster Cetus. And then one day! Bam! Perseus rescues her!”

“Did you just skip the entire plot?” Kihyun teases.

“I am terrible at storytelling,” Changkyun sighs dramatically.

Kihyun shakes his head. “No. You are just terrible, overall.”

“You like me terrible,” Changkyun smiles a little, eyes on the screen as he clicks on the Andromeda constellation and the camera pans in.

And it takes Kihyun less than a second to shove an avalanche of thoughts at the back of his mind and maybe, just maybe, for the first time in a while, say whatever he feels like saying without thinking too much into it.

“Yeah,” He breathes, eyes on the screen. “I do.”

Silence.

And then Changkyun clears his throat. “A—Aquarius.” He looks at the keyboard and hits the backspace only to have the screen pan out. He clicks on another constellation. “Water carrier of the gods. Aquarius was the best-looking boy in ancient Greece, by the way. In fact! Zeus became enthralled with Aquarius. He turned into an eagle and abducted him.”

“Oh, I like that one,” Kihyun says leaning in to look at the screen.

Changkyun side glances and smirks. “It’s the eagle, isn’t…”

“And the fact Zeus was a closeted gay, and no one told me.”

Changkyun laughs. “I thought you were the… closeted gay. No offense.”

Kihyun leans back to stare. “Me?” He blinks. “I’m not.”

“What. Gay or—”

“In the closet.” Kihyun blinks again and then shivers a little. He stares at the screen. “What made you think that…?”

Changkyun licks his lips and sighs. “What, that you…? Well, Hyungwon said… God, don’t get mad, I just—”

“Hyungwon?” Kihyun frowns. _What the hell are these shits saying behind my back?_

Changkyun lets his head hang and groans a little. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Hyungwon just said you had… strict parents and… things weren’t easy. That’s all. And with the way you avoid me and—”

Kihyun’s heart flip flops in a strange way. A little throb, a slight anxiety, a sudden necessity to disregard the problem. Except there’s no problem… is there…? _Doing what you need and then what you want… what if what you need_ is _what you want?_

“It’s true,” Kihyun says and Changkyun looks up at him. “Things aren’t easy. But I…” Kihyun looks away and sighs. “I had a friend… a close friend.” He fidgets a little. “We, uhm. Yeah. I don’t know… I guess we clicked. And with Hoseok always whispering shit over my shoulder, about how good some things were and whatnot…” Kihyun gives a half-hearted shrug and scoffs. “We _almost_ dated, apparently I was just an interesting distraction. He was into someone else… _Anyway,_ I told my parents. They know. So, sorry to disappoint.”

“You haven’t,” Changkyun says quickly, eyes a little wide, face a little soft. It’s easy to see he cares. He’s cared since the very beginning. “Is that why your relationship is… not very good?”

Kihyun nods. “It’s why I always feel like I have something to prove…”

Changkyun raises his eyebrows, leans back to sit a little straighter, but his eyes don’t leave Kihyun. It’s a little unsettling. He’s looking at Kihyun like he just grew another head. “I don’t think that’s the… only reason. I think that’s how you are. Maybe it just sucks that… no matter how much you try, they overlook your efforts…?”

It’s Kihyun’s turn to blink and stare. “What do you mean…”

“Well, you don’t talk much about feelings, I get that. But it’s okay because, somehow, you convey _words_ in a different way.”

Kihyun fixes Changkyun with a look. “Now you lost me.”

But it’s easy, Kihyun thinks, to know what to do when Changkyun smiles at him and offers him his hand. Kihyun blinks at it for a few seconds, frowns even as he takes Changkyun’s hand in his and looks up a little confused. “Recharging…?”

“See, that,” Changkyun says, beaming a little, “was talking just enough.”

“But all I did—” Kihyun swallows, pink-cheeked from the strange, sudden intensity, “all _we_ did was…”

“Yeah,” Changkyun says, smiling in that way that makes his cheeks dimple. “Exactly. But, somehow, that’s enough. Between all your ‘maybes’… this,” Changkyun wiggles their hands a little, “almost feels like a ‘yes’.”

And again, because Changkyun is here, making everything feel _right_ and so damn easy, Kihyun finds himself thinking, just like so many times before, that _yes,_ he could _definitely fall in love._

“You’re so weird,” Kihyun chuckles, looking away.

“Are you afraid I’ll break your heart?” Changkyun asks in a teasing tone. “Because you know, Kihyun…” Kihyun’s name sounds so foreign when Changkyun says it, but Kihyun can’t say he dislikes it. Quite the opposite, in fact. Changkyun scoots a little closer and squeezes Kihyun’s hand. “You get so hung up on where you’d rather be that you forget how to make the most of where you are.”

Kihyun looks up again and gazes into Changkyun’s face. He isn’t as close as Kihyun imagined he would be, or maybe he is, and the proximity is no longer uncomfortable. “You really are a smooth talker. Every time…”

Changkyun grins. “I’m just patient. A little insecure… but patient, given the right incentive.”

“No,” Kihyun shakes his head. “I… You shouldn’t have to wait for me to make up my damn mind… I _know_ that but I still…”

Changkyun nods. “I’m sorry you got hurt. I don’t know what happened. It doesn’t… it’s not my business. But I am sorry. And I can’t promise you everything is going to be roses but… I can promise you that you’ll smile when you find our story years and years from now.”

Kihyun’s heart flip-flops again and he laughs. “Smooth talker. _And_ cocky.”

“Well,” Changkyun shrugs and lets go of Kihyun’s hand. “I just wasted all my bravado on that, so… gotta crawl back into my little shell. But…” He glances over. “Think about it…?”

“I will,” Kihyun says and he means it. There’s not much to think about when it comes to _this._ But there is a lot to consider when it comes to himself. He doesn’t want to hurt Changkyun either. Here’s to hoping he makes up his mind. “Hey,” he says anyway, leaning closer just a bit and kissing Changkyun’s lips when he turns to look.

“An incentive,” Kihyun says, Changkyun’s breath hot on his lips.

“You’re…” Changkyun sighs, leans his forehead on Kihyun’s, “So unfair…” He sighs again and pouts. “I am going to rant about the crab and you’re going to listen.”

“The crab?” Kihyun scoffs, face a little warm, heart a little loud, body a little antsy. He really wants to kiss Changkyun again. He really wants to do that all night. And maybe he shouldn’t because it’s not fair… but maybe that’s what Changkyun meant when he talked about living in the present.

“Cancer was a crab,” Changkyun mutters, eyes on Kihyun’s lips. His cheeks are a little pink. “Sent to distract Heracles while battling an ancient snake. And Heracles kicked cancer so hard, it flew into the sky and formed the infamous constellation of Cancer.” He pauses. Breathes. Squints. Breathes again and then says, “Kiss me again.”

Kihyun wouldn’t say it’s instinctive, but he tips his head forward until his mouth is so close to Changkyun’s that the air between skin heats up, warm over each other’s lips. “So weird,” he says. And Changkyun might be patient, but Kihyun is not. So, he kisses him again.

 _Show... just a little bit of perspective._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND!! We have a deadline.


	12. Cepheid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And wheeeeee time skip!

What happens in the party stays in the party, right? That's how it should've been. Kihyun should have gone home that night, probably would’ve cried a little, made some sort of pact with himself and decide ‘It will never happen again’.

Would that have been the ‘easy’ choice? Maybe the least conflictual. His parents would have forgiven him, eventually. Kihyun would’ve probably laughed, bitterly so, when confronted with the ‘It was just a phase’ accusation. He’d have lived mostly for his job. And one day, maybe, he’d have found a nice girl and would have felt compelled to contribute at least a little to her happiness.

That's how it should've been. A goodbye. Not to someone, not really. Just to a part of himself. Because nothing is ever worth it if, in the process, Kihyun loses himself forever.

_That’s how it should’ve been._

But today Kihyun looks at the computer screen, at all the amazing photographs he took throughout the past three unbearably humid and hot summer months, and all he can think about is the memories. Laughing so much his stomach hurt. Getting piss drunk with Hoseok and crying so much they woke up with swollen eyes. A pool, a stolen kiss under the stars. Changkyun’s face squished against the papers over his desk while Kihyun revised a few things for the portfolio. Getting lost in a forest at night with Jooheon screaming about spider webs and Changkyun blabbing about his Spider-man conspiracy and the physics behind Captain America’s shield ( _physics’ defying,_ he’d said).

Memories. And, in all of them, Kihyun finds himself. And not just himself as a person, but also a better person, a kinder person, a brighter person. Because sometimes it’s just about letting the toxic people out and leaving them out, it’s about letting the right ones in.

Minhyuk is a great company. And, certainly, they bicker a lot. But they’re more alike than Minhyuk likes to admit (something Kihyun doesn’t mind admitting).

Jooheon is a tease and easily teased. And oh, does Kihyun love teasing him. And running after him when Jooheon messes up his shots, too.

Hyungwon is Hyungwon. Kihyun just likes to call him out on his bullshit until Hyungwon shuts up. It only lasts for a few hours, when Hyungwon remembers something sassy to make fun of Kihyun with. _Which, fine, I don’t mind, if that makes you happy._

And then there’s Hyunwoo and Hoseok. Both forever holding a special place in Kihyun’s heart. Something he doesn’t need to tell them because he knows they, better than anyone else, understand and _know_ Kihyun cares.

And today… Today is the beginning of something new. Today is the due date.

Kihyun sighs, clicks the mail icon on the screen and then the plus icon that reads ‘New Mail’. It’s a compressed file but it’s still a big one. Thankfully, it fits. So, Kihyun sends it to the publishing platform.

It will be… Personal. Because it isn’t just about astrophotography. There are a bunch of candids of his friends, of Changkyun… A bunch of landscapes, Jooheon’s cats, architecture and then more starry skies.

It will be personal, but it will be _his_ work. What Kihyun _wants_ to do. Not what other people thought he _should_ do. The world through his eyes and a camera lens in between. And it will be a hardcover book, because why not?

Today is the due date. And Kihyun is done. Whatever happens now is something he can’t predict, something he has no control over. But it’s fine… It’s okay. He’ll take things as they come. And for now? For now he can…

_Do what I should’ve done a long time ago._

So, he gets up from his chair, closes his laptop and moves to grab a jacket from his wardrobe. He grabs his wallet, his phone and his keys and rushes downstairs, tells his mother he’s going out and pretends he didn’t hear her when she asked if he was coming back in time for dinner.

It’s raining. It’s raining so much… It’s one of those stupid summer storms. Again, something Kihyun has no control over. But it doesn’t matter. Because he’s doing the one thing, right now, that he can control; he’s making a decision.

Because it’s like Changkyun said, all those months ago under a sky full of stars;

_‘You get so hung up on where you’d rather be that you forget how to make the most of where you are.’_

And isn’t that what Changkyun has been doing all this time? Even though he, too, has a place where he’d rather be, he’s enjoying things as they come, barely asking, questioning just enough.

And maybe it will work out. Or maybe it won’t. But again—Kihyun huffs a laugh—like Changkyun said;

_‘I can promise you that you’ll smile when you find our story years and years from now.’_

“All over a stupid magazine,” Kihyun mutters, hair sticking to his forehead. He really should’ve brought an umbrella. How irresponsible… Sounds like a very Changkyun thing to do, to be honest. Which just makes Kihyun smile a little to himself.

 

✩✩

 

 _Right,_ Changkyun thinks. Thinking is critical. At least it’s what everyone thinks. “But our ability gets pretty thin when we’re immersed in negative word associations,” he explains, spinning in his chair a little and then pointing at Jooheon. “Like, every time someone thinks ‘muslim’ and a majority of people’s brains pings ‘terrorist’. People’s brains are polluted with association. Which is like… Nature, you know? It’s innate. It’s what has kept us alive for so long, this type of self preservation. It’s just that, as rational beings, we should know better. Even if every muslim they know is wonderful, their brain just goes and ‘bam’! Which is why headlines are so fucking dangerous!”

Jooheon knows. “Ah, yeah… Nowadays journalism works a lot more on ‘assumptions’ and 'reduction to a fault' than actual facts. And yeah, you’re right. A ‘critic’, no matter how objective, will always be polluted by the person’s view of things.”

“Perspective,” Changkyun nods.

“Right, right.”

“It’s like… When I think of my self worth and my brain jumps to ‘not enough’. Because, like, I know I’m good at shit? Not everything but… most things? And yet…”

Jooheon sighs and reaches for his phone over the bed, unlocks it and stares at it. “So… I should just let it go?”

Changkyun smiles small. “I’m sure Minhyuk didn’t mean anything bad by it, really. He loves you a lot. He’s just… _Blablablablablablabla,”_ Changkyun laughs. “He never shuts up. And sometimes he’s waaaaaay too blunt. I’m honestly surprised you two don’t argue more often.”

“Eh, it’s like the lottery, really,” Jooheon chuckles. “It’s fine, though… I just—”

“You’re a sensitive bean,” Changkyun coos and grins when Jooheon pouts. “Aw, look at the bottom lip, _sho cuuute…”_

“Stop that.”

“But I’m not doing anything!”

“You’re blabbing.”

Changkyun slaps his hands together and bows. “Forgive me oh, Joo, for I have sinned.”

Something fluffy hits Changkyun’s head and he snorts a laugh, grabs the pillow before it falls on the floor and tosses it back at Jooheon, who grumbles something to himself and lets his phone falls over his chest.

“What now,” Changkyun asks without really asking.

“I don’t know… My brain is still on the ‘ugh, hurt and pissed’ bandwagon, y’know? And I just hate that I have to apologize first. He went all mad and called me stupid! I’m not stupid.”

“Er—”

“Im Changkyun!”

“What!” Changkyun giggles. “I didn’t say a thing!”

Jooheon glares. “You were thinking it… I know you. We share one brain cell.”

Changkyun gestures at his own head. “Ye wish ye were as bright as I!” And then giggles when Jooheon pouts and grumbles and throws the pillow again. This time, however, it flies over Changkyun’s head and lands over his bed. So, he gets up to go get it.

“Look, our brains are like a supercomputer, kay?” Changkyun says and then laughs a little, grabs the pillow and tosses it up to catch it when it falls. “A supercomputer built atop a clunker. The clunker is like our survival brain. The supercomputer is what does the actual, logical, proper thinking. The fair thinking, the kind thinking.” Changkyun tosses the pillow again. “When you feel threatened in some sort of way, the bandwidth of your Pleiades—”

“What the fuck is a Pleiades—”

“NASA’s supercomputer, I’ve told you this a hundred times, man.”

“Right.”

Changkyun sighs and tosses the pillow again, side glances at Jooheon. “So, the bandwidth gets used up, right? Leaving the clunker to do all the other thinking for you. And it’s like,” Changkyun fits the pillow under his arm, frowns and snaps his fingers. “Like that, you go from Awesome Jooheon to Primal Jooheon and basic instinct in a heartbeat. It happens to the best of us, don’t sweat it.”

Jooheon frowns. “Why are you giving me life lessons in the middle of the afternoon, this is a four in the morning talk…” He checks the time on his phone. “It’s not even three PM!”

Changkyun sighs wistfully and then grabs the pillow and throws it across the room. It lands right on Jooheon’s face. “You people of little faith and small brain process—”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Hyungwon.”

“And _you_ need to apologize to your boyfriend. You’re at fault too.”

“Maybe…”

“You are.”

“Maybe.”

Changkyun plops over his bed and sighs. “Text him?”

Jooheon frowns and pouts. “Or I could just go over there…”

Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “To… talk?”

“Among other things…”

“Aish—Eugh!” Changkyun shivers and then laughs. “Okay. Okay. Go?”

Jooheon pouts. “Won’t you be lonely?”

“Me? Nah. I’ll play some Overwatch.”

“‘Kay…”

 

✩✩

 

A Cepheid variable.

A strong direct relationship between luminosity and pulsation. A variable star whose light pulsates in a regular cycle. The period of fluctuation is linked to the brightness of the star. Brighter Cepheids will have a longer period.

So, which one is Changkyun? The luminosity or the pulsation? Maybe… The pulsation. Because, between the two of them, the first thing anyone sees is Kihyun. And he shines so brightly when people allow him to. And yet dims so much to let the others shine, too. It’s a quality Changkyun admires. One Changkyun loves, too.

It’s almost seven and Changkyun is dead on his desk. He’s done winning at that stupid game (for today, it was a good day) so, of course, he’s thinking about Kihyun.

The funny thing about the universe is that orbits are pretty much unchangeable unless a big object of equivalent size, strength or bigger collides. So, two objects in imminent collision? Will still collide unless acted upon by a third object (of equivalent size, strength or bigger). No matter how many craters they collect along the way, the two main objects will still always collide.

There’s a soft knock at the door and Changkyun sighs, wonders if Jooheon and Minhyuk fought again and then melts from the desk to the floor.

“It’s open,” he says.

Nothing.

Changkyun groans and gets up, walks slowly towards the door to fling it open, ready to glare at whoever didn’t hear him the first time.

Except whatever glare had formed on his face melts the moment he sees Kihyun, hair a little wet and pulled back, away from his face, jacket completely wet, shirt clinging to his chest. Kihyun’s face seems a little unguarded, so Changkyun’s brain jumps from ‘beautiful’ and lands on ‘concerned’ before slipping and stumbling on ‘apprehensive’.

“Ki?”

Kihyun huffs a breath. “Hey…” He says and smiles a little before it ebbs away.

Changkyun feels a stupid warmth spread through his chest, despite the concern galloping inside his head. “What—Is everything okay?”

Kihyun doesn’t talk much about his problems, about how things are at home. He always smiles and says everything is fine. For the past three months, even during those days when he looked most down, he still smiled and always said ‘everything is fine’.

It hurts, though, to know better. But it’s not Changkyun’s place to judge. So, despite knowing the answer, it counts that he asks. And Changkyun knows Kihyun appreciates it.

“Are you okay?” Changkyun asks, stepping aside a little for Kihyun to get in.

Kihyun doesn’t move, though. He looks at something over Changkyun’s shoulder and then sighs. “Yeah, everything is fine… I—” He takes a breath. “I sent my portfolio to print.”

Changkyun smiles despite himself. He can’t help it. Kihyun had been so excited about the damn thing. “Oh! That’s great!”

The smile is back on Kihyun’s face and his eyes go a little soft before he looks down. “Yeah… Finally, right?”

It feels a little awkward to stand at the door like this, but Changkyun shifts his weight from one leg to the other and clears his throat. “Do you… Want to get in?”

Kihyun looks up. “Maybe… Just…” He huffs a laugh and frowns. “There’s… Something I need to tell you first.”

Changkyun’s heart does a little thing. A mix of hope and despair climbing all the way. But he manages to swallow the demons down and smile. “Okay.”

“I—” Kihyun licks his lips. “No one should have to wait…” _Oh god, okay… Here we go._ “For anyone, really. Time doesn’t stop—”

“Time is relative.”

Kihyun huffs a laugh. “But you’re still getting older.”

“Aging like a fine wine.”

“Seriously?” Kihyun laughs.

Changkyun smiles and shrugs one shoulder. “Sorry, go on…”

Kihyun takes a deep breath and then rolls his eyes. “I had… This pretty little speech I managed to come up with on the way here and—”

“Did you swim here? I mean…”

“Changkyun… I swear to god…”

Changkyun grins, holds his tongue between his teeth and looks down, wobbling a little by the door. He shakes his head, though. “Sorry… Go on about the speech you thought of but probably already forgot.”

Kihyun stares.

“One track mind,” Changkyun teases.

Kihyun squints and smiles. “Have you been drinking energy drinks again? Oh god, you don’t fucking shut up!”

“I know!” Changkyun whines. “Jooheon said the same thing! What’s _wrong_ with me!”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and mutters, “So many things…”

Some sort of apology, half-assed apology, is on Changkyun’s tongue. But Kihyun leaves no room for him to give it, because he closes the distance between them and presses in, kissing Changkyun with a kind of hunger that punches the air out of both of them. It’s so desperate that Changkyun can’t help but whimper a little against Kihyun’s lips when he opens his mouth to kiss back with a fervor to match.

Up until now, most kisses had been… A preview. Soft. Sometimes a little intense but still always soft. Like a little flame. Like asking permission. Like asking, ‘do you want to fall in love?’ and then maybe more. But this doesn’t feel like asking. This feels like taking and then giving back. This feels like… _Telling_ in that way only Kihyun can.

Changkyun lets Kihyun wrap his arms around his neck. Lets himself be pushed back and barely has time to push at the door with his fingertips so it will click closed. And they stay almost wrapped up in each other in a quiet room with only the sounds of their kissing and the rain outside to fill the silence.

Changkyun gasps into Kihyun’s mouth when he feels a hand slide under the hem of his shirt, up his back. It makes Changkyun shiver and it’s so very hard not to press into it.

“Kihyun—”

Kihyun pauses, leans back just enough to look at Changkyun’s face. He seems a little scared all of a sudden, so Changkyun leans in to leave a soft kiss over Kihyun’s nose.

“I just… Wanted to ask if… If you wanted to stay over…” Changkyun breathes, takes one of Kihyun’s hands in his own.

“Yes…” Kihyun says, grip tightening a little on Changkyun’s fingers. “Yes, I want to.”

And that… is the most reassuring thing Changkyun has ever heard coming from Kihyun. It’s not a ‘maybe’. It’s a ‘yes’. So, Changkyun smiles, forehead bumping a little on Kihyun’s and when he giggles, so does Kihyun.

“It’s been a really nice summer, don’t you think…?” Changkyun asks.

Kihyun frowns, eyes playful. “Eh,” he shrugs. “Could’ve been better.”

“There’s still like the rest of September left.”

“True.”

“There’s still time to make it really good—”

“Such a smooth talker.”

“It gets better in bed—”

“Shut up!”

They argue. A lot. Mostly while laughing and kissing. And every time Changkyun presses laugher into Kihyun’s lips it tastes like, _you, you, you, you._ A name, Kihyun’s name.

And by the time Changkyun manages to lock the door, bringing Kihyun along to kiss his neck while he’s at it, it’s been an hour. It’s been an hour and Kihyun hasn’t remembered his little speech yet.

So, Changkyun asks his _little_ question;

“Wanna fall in love?” He asks, pushing Kihyun back towards the bed with every kiss.

“Yes,” Kihyun says.

And Kihyun might have nodded, said something else before he tripped and fell over the bed, pulling Changkyun with him, but whatever it was, Changkyun didn’t really catch it.

Changkyun is ticklish on the sides of his ribs and his heart squeezes so painfully when Kihyun kisses him there to make him laugh, Changkyun flailing to get his own damn shirt over his head. It’s all very silly, but passionate, interchanging between the two like something that Changkyun is starting to realize is so very _them._ And it’s amazing, really, to be able to learn things about someone, finally, with no pretense.

“You’re beautiful,” Changkyun says when he manages to take Kihyun’s shirt off, despite how unbearably hot it looked clinging against his chest.

And Kihyun just pouts a little in a tiny smile before poking at Changkyun’s lips with the pout and saying, “I choose you, Pikachu.”

“Great movie,” Changkyun giggles.

“Yeah, yeah, now shut up and kiss me.”

 _There’s a new variable. A variable that smells like cologne when it leans_ into a kiss.

A Cepheid variable. And both of them are part of it. Luminosity and pulsation, interchanging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for patiently waiting for an update! I had a problem with my old laptop and lost the two half written chapters I had for this fic. It was a little demotivating, I admit. But I knew I'd get back into it soon enough, I was just waiting for Clean Eyes to be done (which you should check out if you like intense stuff!!!!) Also, if you're into softness? Read Sweet Disposition! It was a pleasure to write that one shot.
> 
> Now let's hope I don't take three months to post the last chapter. Hopefully it will just take a few days.


	13. Cosmic Strings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now playing: [Space Talk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCz6OAGgvis) by The Native Architects.
> 
> This chapter is a mirror of chapter 1, thought it'd be interesting to go back but forward. Does that make sense? Bleh.

_Iν(r, θ, φ)_

 

Changkyun doesn’t make a habit of hitting up all his school’s night parties, but he knows there are a few things that happen almost every time he does. Whether they're funny, sad, embarrassing, or just downright irritating, he always ends up going through the same series of events during a night out. And, somehow, what follows is a norm now:

Minhyuk decides he wants to go to the party. It takes him about 2 seconds to convince Jooheon (the time it takes to ask) if they’re good, 20 if they’re not so good that day. Obviously, if Jooheon is going then so is Changkyun. And, if Changkyun is going, so is Kihyun. Kihyun later proceeds to invite Wonho and Shownu, and Wonho convinces Hyungwon.

They arrange who’s driving who through the now called _Charlie’s Angels_ group chat(Minhyuk’s doing, obviously), and that’s that.

Once everyone is on the same page, Hyungwon questions the purpose of the party. Obviously, Shownu and Kihyun know. So, they explain and everyone goes, “Ah, right”. _The planets aligned the day Shownu and Kihyun were born._

Night comes and they’re all feeling indestructible. They wander off but Changkyun manages to keep Kihyun close enough. There’s just this thing about the lights change and the music resounds. Something that brings quite a few memories to mind, memories from a year ago.

By the time Minhyuk shows up with drinks, Changkyun has already shown Kihyun off enough so he lets him go. Minhyuk says, “Try this! It’s sooooooo good.” And it is, it tastes good and it warms Changkyun’s stomach. So, Changkyun replies with a loud; “I know!”

The clock moves and the night changes but the music doesn’t stop. And—

 

_[I ν( **r** , θ, φ)] = ergs s-1 cm-2 Hz-1 sterad-1_

__

And today is different.

Today Changkyun spots someone across the room, someone he knows. Someone who reacts like he just saw something they like when they lock eyes with him.

Walking through a dancing crowd of drunken college students is a feat. But they manage to meet in the middle. When they do, Changkyun smiles and says, “Kihyun.”

And Kihyun smiles back and replies, “Changkyun.”

Changkyun leans closer to say loudly by Kihyuns ear, “Your hair is blonde.”

Kihyun leans back and squints with a playful smile. “What colour was it last time I saw you?”

“Purple!” Changkyun says.

“Ah, right,” Kihyun nods, shrugs one shoulder and glances away with a devilish smile that makes Changkyun’s heart melt every time— _yep, I’m fucking chaotic._ “It washed off after a while. Especially when summer came. Had to keep dyeing it all the time. Like with pool—”

“Yeah, right, chlorine and sun,” Changkyun nods.

“Yeah… And salt water.”

“Right. Well, I like the blonde.”

Kihyun looks at Changkyun and smiles, “Thank you.”

Changkyun smiles back, glances away as he holds the tip of his tongue between his teeth and then licks his lips. “You’re welcome,” he says, looking back. “So, what brings you here?”

“Pffft,” Kihyun laughs. “Really? That’s what you’re going with?”

Changkyun laughs, too. “What else am I supposed to ask?”

“You suck at this.”

“No! I just—” Changkyun looks around as if the words are among the crowd. “I am… apparently… quite good at it.”

Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “At sucking?”

Changkyun shrugs dismissively. “Maybe.”

“Who told you that?”

“My boyfriend.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Aish. Nope. You can’t come up to a guy you’re trying woo and say ‘my boyfriend says I’m good at sucking’—” Kihyun pauses and squints. “Ah, you know what. You might be onto something there. People find that hot.”

Changkyun makes a face, slowly reaches for Kihyun’s hands a lacing their feelings together. “What kind of people have you been hanging out with…”

“Minhyu—”

“Ah. Right.” Changkyun nods and then sighs. He shakes his head and then his whole body. “Alright, alright. Let’s start again.”

“I’m not walking across this crowd to ‘meet’ you again, you idiot,” Kihyun laughs.

Changkyun rolls his eyes, hands reaching for Kihyun’s waist the pull him closer, “Just what kind of boyfriend are you if you can’t satisfy my every whim.”

Kihyun raises both eyebrows, slaps both hands lightly on Changkyun’s chest. “Excuse me?

“It’s my only wish, Ki,” Changkyun whines.

Kihyun sighs, “Pretty sure your only wish this morning was—”

“Redacted,” Changkyun says, shutting Kihyun up with a kiss.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kihyun scoffs, lets himself leans against Changkyun, head on his shoulder. Even now it makes Changkyun’s chest feel so tight, like it’s not big enough for his heart. And as the music goes a little slow and Changkyun’s his arms around Kihyun’s waist to swing them both lightly, Kihyun asks, “What was all the play pretend for anyway?”

Changkyun smiles small, “Cosmic strings.”

Kihyun leans back just enough to look at Changkyun and frowns. “Like… The String Theory?”

“Yep,” Changkyun nods. “A tube-like configuration of energy that is believed to have existed in the early universe. A cosmic string would have a thickness smaller than a trillionth of an inch but its length would extend from one end of the visible universe to the other.”

Kihyun pouts the more he frowns, “Thought that was a fluke.”

“Eh,” Changkyun shrugs, “Sort of. Galaxy surveys and precision measurements of the cosmic microwave background fits an evolution out of random, gaussian fluctuations and—” Changkyun raises an eyebrow. “What’s with that face…?”

“No, no,” Kihyun mutters, leaning closer to kiss Changkyun’s jaw, “Keep talking.”

“Oh, oh,” Changkyun grins, “Kink kickin’ in?”

Kihyun leans back and frowns, like he isn’t sure how to counter this one. It’s true though; Kihyun has a kink, one that keeps Changkyun from revising like he should seven in every ten times.

No more of that, though. Because now it’s over. It’s Changkyun’s last year and even though he’s thinking about that sweet but expensive degree upgrade, now it gets real, now he can finally juggle between university and work—because, yes, he’s getting a job. His parents won’t make a fuss now that he’s done what he was supposed to _(“If you start working, you’ll start seeing money. You’ll quit your studies in no time,”_ they’d said. And well, they’re probably right. They’re probably right.)

Drinks lead to more drinks. Minhyuk gets wasted and Jooheon clings to him (which Minhyuk just loves. He loves showing off. And he loves showing Jooheon off.) Hyungwon doesn’t drink because he’s got work to do once he gets home, but he frowns at Wonho’s cry-cry face while cleaning the tears running down his face.

Wonho is not sad, not really. He just gets emotional when he’s drunk. And when Kihyun joins in? It’s a whole waterfall. Worse, a tsunami of salty, salty tears and Wonho’s bawling. It’s not pretty. So, no one really talks about it.

Shownu leaves early. Which means both Changkyun and Kihyun are depending on the other two drivers; Hyungwon and Minhyuk. Minhyuk is wasted, though, so that’s not happening. And Hyungwon probably won’t leave for a while. Which, well… parties are nice. But sometimes one reaches a point in life and realizes they’re all the same. And there’s a whole other party Changkyun would rather be at right now. So, he finds Kihyun, whispers something in his ear and then the two of them say goodbye to everyone else and leave.

It’s dark outside. But in the serenade of the black, the stars are like a choir; lights that sing in infinite patterns. Sometimes eyes need music. And the darker the night the sweeter the song.

Kihyun is walking just two or three steps away from Changkyun while holding hands, arms outstretched to give each other space. And Kihyun is humming a song of his own, too. He does that a lot. He likes singing.

Their footsteps echo around them and every time Kihyun skips a line on the sidewalk his foot lands in a deafening bak. It’s chilly, their breaths puff, and when Kihyun swings their hands a little, Changkyun feels his knuckles go cold.

He glances at Kihyun, at Kihyun’s red nose and pink cheeks, at the little breathy puffs, and can’t stop looking. It’s breathtaking. Not because Kihyun is some sort of miraculous perfect human, it’s the opposite actually. But because Changkyun just feels so warm inside his chest. He looks at Kihyun and he wants to keep looking. He’s holding Kihyun’s hand and he doesn’t want to let go. And when they kiss, there’s no living without it.

It’s strange, in a way, because there’s always a red flag. One of those things that makes Changkyun think, _‘ah, this won’t last’._ And that’s fine. It’s how relationships work. Having the ability to predict the outcome doesn’t make the journey any less enjoyable. But even though Changkyun had to wait, now he’s here and all he can’t think of is, _I love you._

He’s thought it before. Many, many times. And he doesn’t know why he’s keeping that one in, why he hasn’t shared it around even when he wants to shout it at the setting sun… But he loves Kihyun. That’s a fact.

So, he looks away, smiles a little to himself and bites at his lower lip. It’s been a year since they met. And what an eventful year, probably the most eventful Changkyun’s ever had. And isn’t that worth fighting for? Isn’t that worth waiting for? Changkyun thinks it is. Because, even when there are days that seem to work hard to bring him down, even when he and Kihyun have a silly argument over something, at the end of the day Changkyun is happy. So, it’s worth it.

“Hey, Ki,” Changkyun says in a breath and Kihyun looks at him and smiles small.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been thinking… Of, you know, getting a job. And…” Changkyun sighs and slows down his pace. Kihyun frowns a little and stops, arm lifting as Changkyun keeps walking until it tugs and he needs to stop as well. He looks back at Kihyun and smiles. “Think I’d be a good teacher?”

Kihyun blinks. “You wanna teach?”

Changkyun nods, looks down. “I wanna do research. But… I need a steady income. So, if I do the little upgrade, two more years, a thesis, I can just… Do that.”

Kihyun blinks again and then smiles, walking closer. “I think that’s great! You’re really good at explaining things. Well—” he laughs, “I’m biased, okay? I pay attention because I love you, not because I _have_ to listen to you.”

Changkyun’s turn to blink. _He said ‘I love you’._ “Ri—Right. Well, it’s just a thought? A really… Uhm, strong? Prevalent? Er, words?” Changkyun laughs and Kihyun smiles in confusion. “Anyway, do you know what I have at home?” Changkyun says, very seriously, as he starts walking backwards and pulls Kihyun along.

Kihyun raises an eyebrow and then laughs softly when Changkyun make him spin slowly under this arm. “What do you have at home?”

“Graaaapes,” Changkyun says, raises an eyebrow back.

“Oh,” Kihyun says, “You wanna play catch?”

“I swear it sounds like you’re calling me ‘dog’ when you call it ‘play catch’.”

“It’s literally what it is, I throw the grape and you have to nom.”

Changkyun grins, “Nom.”

“Nomnomnomnom,” Kihyun blabs as he runs slightly to walk next to Changkyun, who turns to face forward. “Alright. Grapes sounds good.” A pause. “I also have something I want to… Not ask, more like tell.”

“And what’s that?” Changkyun asks, fitting both hands inside his jacket, Kihyun’s hand in his, too.

“I was talking to Hyunwoo earlier. And, uhm, considering I got that job at the local newspaper and can _finally_ provide for myself—”

“And me.”

“You don’t need my money, Changkyun.”

“I’m obviously only invested in this relationship for all the money you’ll possibly earn,” Changkyun jokes and Kihyun glares at him. “Sorry, sorry, go on.”

“I’m moving out,” Kihyun says simply and Changkyun gapes, stops again.

“You’re… Moving out? What? For real?”

Kihyun stops, too, looks at where his hand is supposed to be, linked with Changkyun’s, inside Changkyun’s pocket. “Yeah. I still need to break it to my parents. But I suppose they’ll actually support this new found independence of mine.”

Changkyun smiles. Kihyun’s wanted to move out for so long. Even before they met, it’s always been a goal of his. Not because his parents are terrible people but… Toxicity in relationships in not that uncommon. And toxic parents? Probably all of them have had toxic behaviors at least once.

Which is not fine, but it’s also unavoidable. Yet at the end of the day, it’s also the one place Kihyun hates going back to; home. And that’s sad. It makes Changkyun sad, too.

“You better invite me often,” he says, leaning in to kiss Kihyun’s forehead, “So I don’t have to kick Jooheon out the door all the time.”

Kihyun grins and looks away when he says, “Aw, thought you were into that…”

Changkyun frowns. “What, kicking Jooheon?”

“Kicking might be a bit too much, but—”

“Alright, I’m gonna stop you right there—”

 _“Blablabla,”_ Kihyun jokes before smooching Changkyun’s lips. “That’s all I hear.”

Kihyun is not indecisive, Changkyun’s learned. He usually knows what he wants and when he does, he works for it. But he overthinks a lot and sometimes tries to fight his own feelings for the sake of what’s right. Which can lead to stalling. Which is what happened to them in the beginning. But Changkyun loves, loves, loves when Kihyun is affectionate (which he is, a lot) and loves, loves, loves how Kihyun is not afraid to work for what he wants. Which, right now, probably circles around…

“Grapes!” Kihyun chirps, pulling Changkyun along. “Come on.”

“Coming on.”

“Idiot.”

A dark blanket, contrasting with blacks and yellows and the occasional white, accompanies them. The stars dot the blanket in intricate patterns Changkyun knows by heart.

“So…” He mumbles, eyeing the intersection just ahead. “You love me, huh?” He asks, side glances at Kihyun, who tongues at the corner of his lips and says nothing. Changkyun frowns playfully and opens his mouth to say something when Kihyun stops and makes Changkyun stop with him.

“I…” Kihyun blinks and then looks down. “I have, for a while.”

This time, Changkyun frowns for real. “Huh?”

“That day… When I showed up at your door all drenched, I…” Kihyun glances up. “I think I… Back then… I had this little speech prepared but then I never got to say it. But—”

“The little speech you forgot about?” Changkyun asks, getting closer, chest tight.

Kihyun takes a deep breath and sighs. “Yeah… It was all pretty and decorated with cheesy sentences…”

_Cheesy sentence, oh god now I need to hear it._

“Can you do it now?” Changkyun asks, withdrawing his free hand from his pocket and reaching for Kihyun’s cheek, which he thumbs at, softly. “Your speech.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I’ll have to improvise… I can barely remember it.”

“It’s fine…”

“It’s really cheeeesyyyyy,” Kihyun whines.

“You’re stalling,” Changkyun presses.

“Aish… Fine.” Kihyun grumbles, looks away and takes a deep breath.

For the most part, all Changkyun can think of is that he’d rather be doing this at home, between blankets and a stupid ‘catch the grape’ game. But… Like this? It’s fine, too. A little cold, a little too cold for how tense Changkyun’s feeling all of a sudden. But it’s fine.

“Falling in love with you,” Kihyun starts, “Was the easy part,” He looks down and scoffs a short laugh. “It’s admitting to myself that it happened that’s hard. I’ve had all these defences up for so long, thinking and thinking and wishing… Knowing it would probably never get better for me. But you didn’t care. You just stood there like a tiny vine and then grew over the wall, still respecting that it was there. How rude of me, I suppose… Considering that wall wasn’t meant for you.” Kihyun shrugs. “I could overthink that, too. Ask ‘why’, ask if I deserve any of it. But who cares?” He looks up. “We’re both here and I’m so glad. And looking back… I’m certain I made the right choice. So… Can’t wait for the rest.”

Changkyun blinks, finally looks away when his eyes burn a little. “I—” _Say it, idiot._ “I love you so much…”

“I know,” Kihyun laughs, nuzzling in, nose rubbing on Changkyun’s cheek. “Me too.”

Falling in love with a name was easy. Falling in love with the person took time. Falling in love with the sky took but a blink. Falling in love with all the stars? Well, that will take a lifetime.

People are so complex, little constellations and asterisms. And one might live a hundred years and never come to know them all, all the little stars.

One day at a time is fine, though. And even if sometimes Changkyun can’t see the sky, he knows that when he looks up at night he’ll be reminded that, _ah yes, this is why I love you._

Changkyun watches Kihyun’s face for a moment, takes in every little detail and leans in. And maybe it’s the way his heart speeds up. Maybe it’s the cold but soft breeze that washes by. Maybe it’s how quiet everything feels. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s how close they feel.

They kiss and Changkyun’s brain lights up, galaxies behind his eyelids. Cosmic strings, connecting two side of the universe. And now connecting them, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny. I started this fic one night (12th of August) while devouring a bag of nachos, thinking to myself; "I don't know what to do with this, I've never written Changki before but I'll see where it goes". And I guess it went places? I realized soon enough I actually really shipped these two, met one of my best friends (because he liked Got a Kiss) and then wrote a monster fic with him that led me to meet many amazing people.
> 
> So, hey, maybe the fic you're writing in your head and you're afraid to post isn't the fic you'll be most proud of, or the best one you'll ever write. Maybe it's even uneventful. But it doesn't have to be perfect to be someone else's favorite fic. It doesn't have to be perfect to open doors to new beginnings. And that's what Got a Kiss means to me; a new beginning.
> 
> I thank all of you who've supported this tiny, uneventful journey of space dorks. My girlfriend, who's been beta testing this baby since the very beginning. The bag of nachos I ate that night. And my old laptop, lost in war, that even without half its keyboard still managed to help me write 11 chapters. Thank you!!! Changki Rise!
> 
>  
> 
> If anyone wants this fic's playlist: [HERE](https://open.spotify.com/user/eunmih/playlist/2u9T2wNq1eFWtUcqzhh4cT?si=z-uRTs5TQnyUedDgBQjang).


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